Mango212

I am grieving.

The loss of the man I love to alcoholism, again. Loss of a sense of home we were starting to build together. Loss of the community and friends I was making there. They are casual friends, let our dogs play together kind of friends. Healthy, fun friends I had barely started to know. A healthy, fun husband I really, really miss.

I've grieved many things. I realize this takes time and it's not within me to decide the timing.

I've grieved and made peace with the loss of my first son, the loss of a child from a miscarriage, trauma from my childhood and much of the havoc from alcoholism.

I've come to a very welcome awareness that the spirit of my children live on. That there is a balance and playfulness in this world that can lift me through my grief into great healing. That this life is one I want to embrace with vibrancy, passion and joy.

One day in March while I cleaned my car windows at a gas station, a person was nearby smiled and commented on the passion I had at this task. I smiled (smiles really are contagious), glanced at the windows, had a new admiration for them and replied "I have even more passion for getting them muddy!"

A much needed reminder while I'm grieving, that joy and passion can be found in the little moments of life. That I'll have this again.

Joy and pain can reside in the same space.

Intents: to allow these feelings of grief to be heard. To let them flow through me. To sit quietly with them. To let tears fall. To reach out and be connected with other people, especially through posting here at SR. This is a safe haven.

Goals:

1. Keep my heart open to life.

2. Find a new passion for travel and nature this summer.

3. Let myself grieve, without judgement.

dandylion

mango.....I really think that genuine human connections are the most healing of all...…..

I want to add, that I, also, recognize the comfort and balm of Nature....

I see grieving as the first, essential step toward eventual healing....
Nature has provided for us...in, that, we are wired for grieving.....and, we are wired to be able to heal. If these thing were not true, we humans would not be able to traverse this life and keep going as a species.....

teatreeoil007

I think you're right on Mango. Allow yourself to grieve. Take the time....go easy on yourself....When my dad died I didn't have enough time to grieve. Were I to do it over, I would have taken more time. It felt "rushed" to me...and then later it came out sideways....a lesson learned, I guess....Alas...many things just go by too fast or else I'm not keeping up as well...kids grew up fast and were always near for many years...today one is in Baltimore and other in another country...what is a mother to do? I can't go back and redo it and take more time with some things...they are great kids and turned out good and they're happy...but oh, those years went by so fast. Okay, don't want to hijack this thread. I just wish it would "slow down" a little sometimes...

Mango212

Just as I think I'm done grieving, another wave hits.

Immersing myself and son in good, healthy places today and this evening. Being around happy, kind people. Taking extra time in nature. Finding ways to:

1. Let joy be expressed
2. Let this grieving be honored