Trying to stay sober through sadness
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 3
Trying to stay sober through sadness
I have just over a week of sobriety. I relapsed after having a few months over a year. I had been very involved in AA and never had any desire to drink again really. I had worked through the steps with my sponsor and even had a temporary sponsee for a bit. I started to have what felt like real peace and contentment for probably the first time in my life.
But things started to unravel and life became constant stress and more and more expectation. I think people in my life who may have supported me in the beginning became used to and comfortable with my sobriety. It would be a good thing, but they became less supportive and some started picking apart other parts of my life.
I became confused and depressed. Stopped going to meetings. Eventually I started drinking again. I drank for about 6 months on and off and now I'm trying to start back at the beginning. I don't want to be stuck in the deep hole of despair that drinking causes me to live in.
I dumped out what I had. I've started going back to meetings. I've been reading a lot on here and it helps to know there are other people out there who understand. Just how much is gained, but also how much work it takes to keep our sobriety going.
Thank You
But things started to unravel and life became constant stress and more and more expectation. I think people in my life who may have supported me in the beginning became used to and comfortable with my sobriety. It would be a good thing, but they became less supportive and some started picking apart other parts of my life.
I became confused and depressed. Stopped going to meetings. Eventually I started drinking again. I drank for about 6 months on and off and now I'm trying to start back at the beginning. I don't want to be stuck in the deep hole of despair that drinking causes me to live in.
I dumped out what I had. I've started going back to meetings. I've been reading a lot on here and it helps to know there are other people out there who understand. Just how much is gained, but also how much work it takes to keep our sobriety going.
Thank You
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 452
Hi Casibee, welcome to the site. You have done the right thing by pouring out and reaching out here.
We all understand the situation you are in. Congratulations on the year sober. You have taught yourself and demonstrated that you can live a happy and peaceful, alcohol-free life and you will be able to get back to that with a little motivation and support.
Keep posting and don't lose hope.
We all understand the situation you are in. Congratulations on the year sober. You have taught yourself and demonstrated that you can live a happy and peaceful, alcohol-free life and you will be able to get back to that with a little motivation and support.
Keep posting and don't lose hope.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,276
Yeah, I was sober for a few years but then I took what I had for granted. I drank and it took so long to get back. Now at nine months again. Sometimes it can be hard to deal with the regret of what I had and lost, but that’s starting to be replaced by pride that I made it back. We can do this!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome Casibee. Many of us have been where you are in having a long period of sobriety and picking up again. All of us here understand how you feel. Normals don't understand that sobriety is something to be nurtured and cared for every day. . Lean on us. We're here for you. Congratulations on starting again. You can do this! Stay close and post as often as you feel like. It will help. 
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,714
Welcome back, Cassibee!
Yep, I have been where you are. You are not alone. I drink when I am lonely so I forget that I am sad deep down inside. Eventually, I got sick of the roller coaster ride and take it on day at a time.
Stay with us. Keep posting!♡CR
Yep, I have been where you are. You are not alone. I drink when I am lonely so I forget that I am sad deep down inside. Eventually, I got sick of the roller coaster ride and take it on day at a time.
Stay with us. Keep posting!♡CR
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
That's the thing about life, it just happens. And it builds. Stuff piles up if its not sorted and dusted right away. I am grateful that I've learned a few things in AA that have helped me 'right my ship' quickly when I start to veer off course.
Since April my life has had some pretty major upsets. Well major to an alcoholic. A person with healthier coping skills would see this as life. But emotionally complex stuff for anyone to deal with. And it keeps piling on. My daughter dropped a BOMB on me last night. I'm literally shell shocked. We went from her finishing her junior year, packed with AP classes (that I would fail), with a 3.9, to this HUGE issue. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I'm stumped. And it is, well, incredibly hard.
What I'm learning is that all day, everyday, I'm faced with 'situations'. Most of the time I can adjust my sails and resolve things quickly. That is what I've learned in recovery. But sometimes really tough stuff happens and no one, including me, who has any emotions what so ever, can just shut it off. I have learned that LIFE is sitting in feelings sometimes. That is can take a while for 'things' to pass. I can do what I can do, but then I simply have to wait it out. Reacting to these feelings negatively or by trying to change them with drinking will not help. And it hurts. And its hard. But that's life.
You did the right thing. That took a lot of strength. If meetings work for you, don't stop when the shlit hits the fan. That's when you attend more!! Hang in there.
Since April my life has had some pretty major upsets. Well major to an alcoholic. A person with healthier coping skills would see this as life. But emotionally complex stuff for anyone to deal with. And it keeps piling on. My daughter dropped a BOMB on me last night. I'm literally shell shocked. We went from her finishing her junior year, packed with AP classes (that I would fail), with a 3.9, to this HUGE issue. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I'm stumped. And it is, well, incredibly hard.
What I'm learning is that all day, everyday, I'm faced with 'situations'. Most of the time I can adjust my sails and resolve things quickly. That is what I've learned in recovery. But sometimes really tough stuff happens and no one, including me, who has any emotions what so ever, can just shut it off. I have learned that LIFE is sitting in feelings sometimes. That is can take a while for 'things' to pass. I can do what I can do, but then I simply have to wait it out. Reacting to these feelings negatively or by trying to change them with drinking will not help. And it hurts. And its hard. But that's life.
You did the right thing. That took a lot of strength. If meetings work for you, don't stop when the shlit hits the fan. That's when you attend more!! Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 182
Originally Posted by Rar 
Welcome Casibee. Many of us have been where you are in having a long period of sobriety and picking up again. All of us here understand how you feel. Normals don't understand that sobriety is something to be nurtured and cared for every day. . Lean on us. We're here for you. Congratulations on starting again. You can do this! Stay close and post as often as you feel like. It will help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 3
Thank you all so much. It's been pretty rough. During the time I was sober I started to feel at ease with myself. I wasn't constantly obsessing about what people thought of me. If someone thought I was weird I didn't care. I felt a confidence and strength that I know I've never felt before in my life.
Then little by little it started to erode. I was working full time and have small children. My partner was also drinking heavily and dealing with his own personal issues caused by alcoholism. It drove a wedge between us and he left multiple times. I was trying to manage our home, children and try to continue working. Eventually my employer became irritated with my calling out and lateness and I lost any respect I had built. Then lost my job. His family also blamed me for his drinking and his personal issues and didn't want me around even though I had been sober for so long and tried so hard to gain their acceptance. They treated me with a lot of contempt and then banished me all while sober. It hurt a lot. I never told them anything that was going on in our home.
I felt like maybe if I drank with him he wouldn't hide it or drink as much. It was a really backwards approach, but I didn't want to lose my relationship and I felt like we didn't connect anymore. At first things were okay, but it eventually went to us both being consumed by alcohol.
Now we are separated again. He left and it's very heartbreaking for me. We've known/been together over 14 years off and on. He's also trying to get sober, but says it's more about our relationship than alcohol. There are days I can't feel anything, but overwhelming sadness, but I do not want to drink and be in that awful place again. No matter what happens I know drinking only makes it worse for me and everyone who cares about me or needs me. I will keep trying to be strong. When I see anything related to alcohol I tell myself "not today" and I've gotten through so far.
Then little by little it started to erode. I was working full time and have small children. My partner was also drinking heavily and dealing with his own personal issues caused by alcoholism. It drove a wedge between us and he left multiple times. I was trying to manage our home, children and try to continue working. Eventually my employer became irritated with my calling out and lateness and I lost any respect I had built. Then lost my job. His family also blamed me for his drinking and his personal issues and didn't want me around even though I had been sober for so long and tried so hard to gain their acceptance. They treated me with a lot of contempt and then banished me all while sober. It hurt a lot. I never told them anything that was going on in our home.
I felt like maybe if I drank with him he wouldn't hide it or drink as much. It was a really backwards approach, but I didn't want to lose my relationship and I felt like we didn't connect anymore. At first things were okay, but it eventually went to us both being consumed by alcohol.
Now we are separated again. He left and it's very heartbreaking for me. We've known/been together over 14 years off and on. He's also trying to get sober, but says it's more about our relationship than alcohol. There are days I can't feel anything, but overwhelming sadness, but I do not want to drink and be in that awful place again. No matter what happens I know drinking only makes it worse for me and everyone who cares about me or needs me. I will keep trying to be strong. When I see anything related to alcohol I tell myself "not today" and I've gotten through so far.
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