Notices

Last year at this time....

Old 05-29-2018, 08:10 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
SimplyFree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Last year at this time....

I was about 6 weeks into sobriety. I’d been struggling with major mood swings, a nonstop headache, sweats and dreams about my dead parents. The first month seemed like forever and even though my brain was healing, I had no real concept of what things would look like when they settled down. My prayers were survival prayers. I needed strength and endurance to get some time without self medicating with wine. My body was in pain and uncomfortable, but my soul was more exposed and it had no choice but to deal with the severe emotional pain from loss, disappointment and depression. I kept asking the Lord if I was just a waste of time. He said No, so I worked to stay sober. I felt like a waste of time and being, but knew I couldn’t trust my emotions.
I had to accept and in some ways continually convince myself that one drink was too many, it always turns into 10. No, it won’t be different this time. I will just be on day 1 again, so whatever it feels like or whatever lies my AV was screaming, I was always glad to crawl into bed, pull the covers up, and fall asleep. I knew when I went to bed, where I went to bed, how I got there and that I could start tomorrow off refreshed and unashamed of yesterday. That’s a relief. Every time!
No, no one cheered me on at home. I wasn’t a hero for staying sober, but I was able to be a good Dad. I finally decided to go see a Doctor about my depression. I had hoped it would lessen to a manageable level, but no such luck. Meds won’t make life happy, but they can help take some of the deep lows out of the emotional swings. That helped me to not sabotage or isolate so much. I found meds didn’t change how I felt about people or relationships, but I was more tolerant and less sensitive which usually lead to internal drama.
Today. My mood swings are manageable. I’m still sober. My AV still tries to get me to believe him from time to time, but it’s doable and my self esteem is much better. My prayers have changed some too. I now have the heart and capacity to pray for others, to feel compassion and not live in fear of falling down the alcoholic cliff every moment of each day.
It’s good to be here. It’s worth it more than I can say. Maybe I’ll fail someday, but today I’m closing my eyes sober. I hope you do too!
SimplyFree is offline  
Old 05-29-2018, 08:27 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,671
Glad to hear of your continuing sobriety. I wish you blessings on your journey.
least is offline  
Old 05-29-2018, 09:08 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
Thanks for sharing that SF

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 05-29-2018, 10:05 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Mr
 
theVman31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Thanks Simply Free.
Have a great sober day
theVman31 is offline  
Old 05-30-2018, 08:16 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Yes!

Enjoy your day, SimplyFree!
Gilmer is offline  
Old 05-30-2018, 08:40 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
AwkwardKitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
I needed to read this today, thank you x
AwkwardKitty is offline  
Old 05-30-2018, 09:49 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
lessgravity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,893
Thanks for sharing that and big congrats on your sober time.
lessgravity is offline  
Old 05-31-2018, 04:29 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 648
Really awesome and uplifting post. Full of hope. I like to focus on hope.

Hope you realize how much this helps guys like me. I'm at 90 days and still mired very much in cleaning up and accounting for the wreckage. Knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel is huge.

Best-

B
Buckley3 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:49 PM.