Raindrops

I am looking for some answers. I filed for divorce a year ago. It has been a never ending battle.
I have a deposition coming up from his attorney . I am anticipating some questions and it is driving me nuts to think how to tackle these

1) why was I drinking with him if I was so disturbed by his drinking .
I did not understand alcoholism. I could stop after a glass of wine and a lot of times say no to alcohol. I stopped drinking with him at home. I would have a glass of wine or a cocktail when we went for dinner. For him, it went on after he got back home . It went on in terms of him hiding alcohol for before and after. Now I am scared of being labelled
An enabler by him when I did not even understand what was going on till I went to al anon and AA after I left.

2) did I ever physically hit him.
Yes I did. I own it. I was frustrated out of my mind. I wanted the madness to stop. I was ashamed of what I was becoming and that played a big part in me leaving too.

3) finances.
He wa sorivoding for us at home but he wouldn't give me any access to finances directly. He gave me a credit card but kept tab on the statements and would taunt me for every dollar spent. I wasn't involved in any financial decisions in the house. I was paying my student loans and he was aware of that. So now he's like I don't know what financial abuse she's talking about... I have her everything.

Does anyone have any experience in court about these things ?
Thank you

suki44883

Do you have an attorney? If so, he/she will be with you during the deposition and can advise you on how/weather or not to answer.

Don't worry. Just tell the truth.

DontRemember

Your attny should be present for this.

Sasha1972

Yes, your attorney should be present to help with this.

I think in general simple and short is better than getting defensive (and giving long answers). So my thoughts would be:

1. His drinking was his choice, my drinking was mine. This is not the time for talking about my drinking.
2. Yes, and I regret it very much.
3. I had no access to financial information about the home.

HardLessons

If it’s a sworn deposition then you need to tell the truth. There will be a transcription record & you don’t want to get caught in a lie

Generally you want to only answer the question asked You don’t want to over answer questions. Also answer truthfully

Hopefully you will have your attorney with you. They will protect you during the questioning. They should give you advice before you go

I’ve read a lot of your other posts. I don’t think you need to fear the truth

From your answers above to those very tough questions. I think you will do just fine

Best of luck

qtpi

I was deposed and the only reason was an attempt to intimidate me into a settlement and drive up my costs. Talk with your attorney beforehand. Only answer what is asked. Be honest. You will get through this. Let us know how it goes.

atalose

Over-thinking ruins you. It ruins the situation. It twists things around. It makes you worry. It just makes everything worse than it actually is.

We don’t need to rehearse the truth. Answer truthfully not what you think will change the outcome, truth always prevails.

Leelee168

As everyone else has said, just be honest and speak your truth.

Mine used to try and bully me into drinking. Sometimes I would, more likely I wouldn't. Someone had to drive home, be responsible for others, etc. It's not wrong for you to have a drink and your drink was much different than his.

Your attorney will talk with you about probably questions and help you to prepare for what is coming. He or she should not let you answer certain questions or be bullied by his counsel. Don't over-answer, as someone mentioned previously. Answer only the question that was asked.

You're going to be okay and this experience will pass.

qtpi

Have you been deposed yet? hope all is well.

Raindrops

I have not . I depose on the 5th.i need to get out of my head and stop questioning everything .

suki44883

Have you and your attorney discussed this upcoming deposition?

Raindrops

We do have a date set the day before to hoover everything

Forward12

The key point you seem to be avoiding, do you have an attorney?
It seems to be no. Get one immediately.

mamabear26

Hi Raindrops, I agree with everyone just be honest. There were some times too when I would sit and drink with my X. Like you stated at that time I didn't know enough about the disease so I didn't think it would be harmful. I would say keep it simple and straight to the point. Going on and on may look like you are trying to cover up something. I hope everything works out for you! ((Hugs))