Back After A Long Hiatus
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Midwest U.S.
Posts: 142
Back After A Long Hiatus
My login information says I last visited on March 12, 2017. That means I've been away from SR for over 14 months.
Back then, I was about 2 1/2 months sober, just beginning to give AA and sponsorship a try. I'm guessing the reason I stopped coming around here was because I had those resources to keep me sober and really dove headlong into them, and not because I had any sort of grudge or bad feelings about SR.
Anyway, long story less long, I managed to stay sober for almost another year after that. I was 392 days recovered when I relapsed on January 28 of this year. I had hit a plateau with AA, stopped going to meetings, and gave up my sponsor under the pretense that it was restrictive and cultish. The problem was, I failed to replace it with anything, so I wound up right back in the cycle.
From the end of January until mid-March, there were multiple relapses, ending with some scary withdrawal symptoms that forced me to quit on March 21. I stayed sober again for about the next six weeks, and in that period of time, quickly reached peak health by exercising regularly, tracking my nutritional habits, and sleeping properly. Then I relapsed again on May 5. Within two weeks, I went from my best health in years to drinking a fifth of vodka every day and planning to take my own life.
How I went from top physical and mental condition to imminently suicidal in that amount of time is completely beyond me. This awful disease of alcoholism, left unchecked, warps my mind and makes me into something that is antithetical to everything I know to be right and true.
Life in the last week or so has been beautiful again. I'm back here because I need this community in order to stay alive and in my present state of peace and affirmation.
In addition to coming back here, I am also meeting with an old recovery friend this week to hopefully make my way back into some form of AA or other structure that will help me live the life I deserve.
I hope I don't have to learn another lesson about trying to do it on my own, because I may not survive the next one.
Much love,
ABW1
Back then, I was about 2 1/2 months sober, just beginning to give AA and sponsorship a try. I'm guessing the reason I stopped coming around here was because I had those resources to keep me sober and really dove headlong into them, and not because I had any sort of grudge or bad feelings about SR.
Anyway, long story less long, I managed to stay sober for almost another year after that. I was 392 days recovered when I relapsed on January 28 of this year. I had hit a plateau with AA, stopped going to meetings, and gave up my sponsor under the pretense that it was restrictive and cultish. The problem was, I failed to replace it with anything, so I wound up right back in the cycle.
From the end of January until mid-March, there were multiple relapses, ending with some scary withdrawal symptoms that forced me to quit on March 21. I stayed sober again for about the next six weeks, and in that period of time, quickly reached peak health by exercising regularly, tracking my nutritional habits, and sleeping properly. Then I relapsed again on May 5. Within two weeks, I went from my best health in years to drinking a fifth of vodka every day and planning to take my own life.
How I went from top physical and mental condition to imminently suicidal in that amount of time is completely beyond me. This awful disease of alcoholism, left unchecked, warps my mind and makes me into something that is antithetical to everything I know to be right and true.
Life in the last week or so has been beautiful again. I'm back here because I need this community in order to stay alive and in my present state of peace and affirmation.
In addition to coming back here, I am also meeting with an old recovery friend this week to hopefully make my way back into some form of AA or other structure that will help me live the life I deserve.
I hope I don't have to learn another lesson about trying to do it on my own, because I may not survive the next one.
Much love,
ABW1
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I've been there. I think the reason I went 'there' was I was just so dissapointed in myself and my life choices that my drinking led me to. Basically I was pissed at myself and wanted to 'not be' anymore. Luckily I got out of that mindspace and into my recovery. At the end of the day;it's only a damn drink/drug. It's not needed for survival and actually impairs your chance at surviving.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: North of the UK (one of the cold bits)
Posts: 672
Good morning ABetterWay.
Thanks for coming back to SR. You could have chosen to just kept going down a dangerous path. But you didn't - and that in itself speaks volumes. Thank you for your post - it reiterates how insidious alcohol is and it might easily have happened to any one of us at different points of recovery.
Take care and hope to see you around. Yix x
Thanks for coming back to SR. You could have chosen to just kept going down a dangerous path. But you didn't - and that in itself speaks volumes. Thank you for your post - it reiterates how insidious alcohol is and it might easily have happened to any one of us at different points of recovery.
Take care and hope to see you around. Yix x
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