janziano

Hello All,

I'm a 20 yr old male. I started drinking at the age of 16 or so but not heavily until about 2 years ago. It wasn't daily either and I never really considered myself an alcoholic. I have always had a very high tolerance, though, which I attribute to drinking somewhat consistently but never too heavily to get extremely drunk. I really have only gotten very drunk I'd say about fewer than 10 times in my life. The reason I am here and scared out of my wits is because about 4 months ago I started drinking a little ore heavily. It was pretty much daily. I would kill a 12 pack in about 3 days mixed with a few shots of liquor. That amount gradually picked up over the course of about 1 1/2 months until finally one night I had about 25-30 shots over the course of the day. the next day I had a lot less, and even less the next day, but I was still drinking throughout the day. about three days after that huge binge, on March 13, I started to have symptoms of withdrawal. I had taken opiates earlier that day also because of how awful I was feeling. I had taken opiates during this time period also but not very often. I drank a few shots that morning, fell asleep and woke up later only to start withdrawing a few hours later. My whole body felt like it was going weak, I started to have a serious panic attack, I was having trouble walking, my right arm went numb, and I started sweating a little. I felt a little nausea but not much. After about 4 hours or so, it all went away, and I even slept well that night. I felt well after it all stopped. however the next day I noticed how terrible I felt. Anhedonia, depression loss of coordination, high levels of anxiety and stress, insomnia, and a strange cold feeling on the left side of my head. for about 4 days after the withdrawal I had panic attacks around the same time each day. The amount I stressed out over my current state probably did not help either. 2 weeks pass of feeling this way during the day every day. For a few of the nights, however, my mood would resurface, and I felt exactly like I had before the withdrawal. The anxiety completely lifted, However I still could not sleep at all. I would take trazodone to sleep. Come day break, however, I would be right back where I started. One morning after 2 weeks of this I woke up and still felt depressed, but not nearly as much, and the anxiety was gone. Stupidly, I had another drink this day, about 2 shots and a beer. I ended up right back where I started. This time, however I would not have any mood swings at night, and I also would have a strange sensation of small tingles throughout my body and muscle quivers. The cold feeling on the left side of my head turned into a tension headache. I would have no relief from this hell I seemed to put myself in. I had one mood swing with all symptoms lifting one evening about a week later for about 5 hours, and the tension headache even lifted also, but then it all came back suddenly. since then none of the symptoms have gone away. I actually felt better for a little bit just about a week ago, my appetite and sleep had come back for a few days prior, but stupidly I had one beer to test my body I guess. I am back again where I was, but it is a little less severe then before. Please, somebody tell me what is going on and what I should do. Obviously I am not going to drink a single drop anymore. I am scared to death that I will never feel like myself again. Every doctor I have gone to has just wanted to prescribe me antidepressants and I don't think they are diagnosing me correctly.

Anna

Welcome! I'm sorry that you're feeling badly.

I think you should go back to your dr and ask for his advice. You are having a lot of withdrawal symptoms and withdrawing from alcohol is unpredictable and can be dangerous.

If you don't think that you are depressed and that anti-depressants should be prescribed for you, it's possible that your moods are a result of the alcoholism. Alcohol is a depressant and your moods may improve when you stop drinking.

I hope that you decide to stop drinking and to live a sober life. There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.

least

I hope our support can help you stop drinking for good. Alcohol will make you feel depressed.

icewater1961

That sounds a bit dangerous. I wish you well! Keep reaching out. I sincerely second Anna for suggesting that you see your doctor again. I don't know where you live but if you don't have national health care many hospitals have charity programs if you can't afford medically supervised detox. Withdrawals can get really really bad. The bext question is, of course, what to do afterwards. By the way I am on trazodone too. It does not interfere with my recovery. A personal, anecdotal experience of course. All of us are different. Melatonin does nothing for me but I am reading on this board that it has helped others. Consult you doctor is the best course of action, apart from not drinking.

MindfulMan

Your long term issues, which may or may not require antidepressants, aren't the issue here.

What's important is getting through your detox/withdrawal. Which I concur, you should absolutely consult a doctor.

I was drinking extremely heavily at a music festival and got some back pain. A friend had vicodin and I was taking them like candy. One of the worst withdrawals I had...the opiate on top of the alcohol was HORRIBLE (and I wasn't a big opiate fan).

You can get through this. And yes, you will feel normal again once you get through your withdrawal. It might take some time, I really didn't start feeling human again from my final detox for about 5 months.

You'll get there tho if you don't drink.

Gottalife

Hi Janziano. Sounds like you are on a bit of a roller coaster. As someone who sobered up at the age of 22, I would suggest contacting your local AA group and having a chat to one of the recovered alcoholics there, they can tell you a bit about AA of course, but they will also know the local scene regarding detox, and will probably know some good doctors for you to see.

Most doctors don't know a lot about addiction, but there are a few who are very on to it, and they are the people that can help you.

Dee74

how are you going janziano?

D

janziano

I get that I might need to give it more time, but what scares me is the mood swings early on that have now ceased after I drank again.

Dee74

You;re addicted - it's perfectly normal for you to feel normal now you've had your fix, y'know?

Don't fall for the line that you need booze to stay emotionally constant tho - there is a period of mood swings when we quit but it's not forever.

Things can do and will get better

Alcohol is not the answer. The longer you drink the harder the withdrawal and the mood swings will be.

D

AlwaysGrowing

Very Large clue... I sobered up at 22, if I didn't I wouldn't be alive today. Maybe check out AA and since your body sounds like it's going a bit crazy a visit with a doctor wouldn't be a bad idea.

AG

janziano

no you're not quite understanding, the alcohol made me feel worse. i was having good mood swings at night without drinking. I'm feeling I've done something terrible to my limbic system or something. after I drank ONCE again the mood swings stopped. I also don't quite feel I was addicted. As I was drinking during that month long period, the drinking was making me more depressed. It didn't feel like I was getting a fix at all until during the end. None of this makes sense. Not until the very end, the day of the withdrawal actually, did I feel like I was getting a fix.

janziano

during the days immediately after the withdrawal, I would feel like ****. And by **** I mean anxiety and depression that would make you want to kill yourself. At night I would feel normal again, great actually. No drinking at all during this period. I started to feel better during the day one morning after about 2 weeks of this cycle. This is when I had another few drinks. Didn't even enjoy it at all, made my mood worse as a matter of fact. Then I went back to feeling like **** again during the day, and this time with the pins and needles sensations and tension headache to boot. Also to make it worse, I wouldn't feel good at night anymore after this. I have now felt just completely awful (awful isn't even good enough of a word to describe how bad either) ever since. It's been 2 months basically like this. What did I do to my brain?

Gottalife

A lot of things went off when I stopped, but I particularly relate to the mood swings. I had been put in the nut farm, which resulted in my longest non AA spell of sobriety. There I heard of a condition that can give ypu mood swings. Bear in mind I was 21, and in the alcoholic ward, surrounded by wet brains. Only a few of us had ant chance at all of recovery.

I didnt want to be an alcholic so I decided this condition was the problem. I spent most of my time there trying to persuade the doctors to give me a brain scan, thinking that would reveal I am actually nuts, they can give me some pills and a certificate which would excuse my behaviour, and I could go on drinking undisturbed. I would rather have been a certified lunatic than an alcoholic.

Anyway, after a couple of months white knuckling, the mood took a big downward swing. And just like you discovered, the alcohol fixed it albeit temporarily, and it was the only thing that worked. That is how I came to know I was a real alcoholic. I drank until I had to stop, then stopped until I had to drink. And while stopped, I didnt function too well, in fact I was mostly miserable.

It sounds like I was just like you. The good news is that there is a way out. After another year I got myself in touch with AA and began following their suggestions, the ones set out in the Big Book of AA.

I know I had quite a few ups and downs in the first month or two, but the idea of drinking to fix it seemed to have been removed. It didn't occur to me. As time went on life got better in all areas. The drink problem stayed away, and practicing the program just seemed to bring steady improvement.

Today I can say I have personally met hundreds of people in AA, with thousands of years sobriety between them that all got sober in their twenties. Why not join us.

least

I hope you will stop drinking and start looking after yourself. You are going down a bad road if you continue to drink.

janziano

no, no no, the alcohol didn't fix it, it made it worse. By mood swing I mean a positive one that would happen at night, not after I drank. As soon as I drank again it didn't help one bit and I stopped having the positive mood swings. What seems to be happening to me is not normal.

janziano

Believe me, I realize none of you are doctors and can't tell me for sure what is going on, but something tells me it is really terrible. This doesn't seem like the typical course of a withdrawal.

Dee74

Try not to panic. The more years I drank the worse my withdrawals got, particularly in terms of anxiety, paranoia and depression.

It doesn't sound like you're in a particularly good place right now.

If you're feeling really low, why not go to your doctor again, or a different doctor and get a second opinion. If they suggest meds too, the least you can do is think about it?

D

Gottalife

Could you define mood swings a bit more. You say the mood swings you had ceased when you drank. That was my experience. However my mood swings were in a range from mediocre to down in the dumps. Up and down, usually to ever lower lows. You cant have a mood swings that only go one way, i.e a permanent positive mood swing wouldnt be swinging at all. Are you trying to say you feel much better when not drinking?

janziano

In the days following my initial withdrawal symptoms, which were intense but only lasted a few hours, I would feel like I was literally dying during the day. But then at night my mood lifted. I would feel absolutely fine again, happy even, though still unable to sleep. This had nothing to do with alcohol, I wasn't drinking at all during those days. It would happen naturally. Then as soon as morning came I would feel like absolute crap again. does that sound normal to you? this happened for 2 weeks until one day I woke up and actually felt fine during the day again. That day I drank about 2 shots and it made me feel like ****. So yes, the drinking made me feel awful. Then the following day I was back to feeling terrible, even worse actually, again during the day, and at night my mood wouldn't get better as it did before. Now it would be constant pain and hell. I felt good again randomly for about 5 hrs or so one night like a week later but then it ended abruptly and all of the symptoms came back. Been feeling like death ever since. Does this sound normal to anyone here? I'm convinced I ****** up something in my head.

janziano

I even started to feel better, low anxiety, better sleep and appetite, lower depression, about a week ago until I had a beer and then all of the symptoms came back again over a period of two days or so. and I didn't even enjoy the beer because my tolerance is so damn high. So yes, I am trying to say that the alcohol is making me feel worse. It is like I am in a constant state of withdrawal and every sip of alcohol puts me deeper into it.