ulfr

i havent been here a while , because am content at screwing myself over forums for Christianity where if they knew i am transgender they would have a fit am not welcome there i am a man but there am a women am not being who i truly am i am a trans man i have many addictions one being internet forums where a screw myself over with Christianity that hate gays or trans people we are going to hell according to them the other internet forums i go on to and screw myself over is eating disorder forums pro ana ones i starve or i binge and i cant stop when am there

because of these internet forums i have to use the internet less and less things the last week or so has been really bad me and my husband fighting over the pro ana forums its got to the point where my husband had to text my pastor for advice while he did that i was pulling my hair out from the root i now have a bald patch ( hidden well by some of the hair i have left ) he would unlock the pro ana eating disorder forums and because i have borderline personalty disorder and i have black or white thinking and my OCD and the fact i have be an evil **** i fought with my husband to the point my husband was in tears and i cant feel the emotions am meant to feel because of the BPD I Couldn't understand why he wouldn't unlock it
i am banned from being on the pc my pastor who has been helping me with my mental health says i shouldn't use the pc anymore am addicted to it and i cant keep doing this i am going to AA , am not taking drink or drugs but my life is unmanageable because of the crap that my mental health has made me feel this maybe the last time i post here if my pastor finds out am online and my husband helps him i might not be able to answer this post this is one if not the only place i can talk about this openly there is no where else i can say this stuff
i dont know what to do anymore i dont know if i should stay off the internet i dont know if i should just be here and thats it my husband cant block the rest of the internet its not possible he tryed to look into that last night he plays his games and he need the internet for that but why should he give up his games ( he can take it or leave it no addictions with it ) because i cant look after my self and stop screwing myself over its madness if i dont get back to you on this post it will mean am not longer using the pc and the internet

icandothis20

Hi there,

I think you do need to stay away from boards that are putting down your beliefs or way of life. Is there a reason in particular you like going to boards where the members make you feel like crap? I hope you arent out there validating and proving to yourself your unworthy or something...

I couldnt really make out if you are a women, who was transitioned into a man or vise versa, but there are alot of other people like that who I am sure can relate to how you are feeling...

I dont have much advice with this.. but I wish you the best.

SoberLeigh

I hope that you don't give up SR, GrantMeSerenity.

The Mods try very hard to keep this a safe place. Perhaps, you let your pastor know that you use this site for affliction support.

We care about you, GMS, very much.

gettingsmarter

GMS stay away from those forums.

No matter where you go on the net there will be someone who disagrees with what you believe, who you are, what you think.

Our world is what we look for.

Look for the positive in the world and you will find it.

AnvilheadII

i think the more real life help you can get, the better you will be.

Dean1978

You are identify as trans and seem what drawn to a world which belittles you or at the least doesnt accept you, why? I understand if you are Christian and have faith but there MANY LGBT forums you can frequent who will make you feel welcome. As a Gay man SR is amazing, yes there is a sub LGBT area (which is pretty empty) but I think its because I/we feel we can share/chat our experiences here and not be judged. There are many religious and non religious here who may not like or accept LGBT but equally there are many who are overwhelmingly accepting. Stay here, with us.

Im from the UK, so probably on same times as you. PM me anytime and I will listen.

Being and staying sober is the biggest reward you can give yourself. In turn, life and the world will repay you in equal measure. Stay close to us

ulfr

with me its a self harm punisment because i think i should harm myself mentally i am mentally ill and i cant get away from this forum my husband has banned it before but we end up fighting over it and shouting and me being an ass to him until he has un banned it my husband has stood with me not matter what but i think am going to ruin my relationship with him because i cant get away from this forum ( this christian one ) i have ocd am obsessed with it as a way to hurt myself am female to male trans man i pm'ed somone asking to be permanity banned from there if they dont am unsure what am going to do

SoberLeigh

So sorry, I meant ADDICTION support.

Dean1978

I understand the identifying and wanting to transition must be huge and life changing. You shouldn't harm yourself, self punishment ultimately achieves little. I lived a world for over 15 years where drinking was my punishment, I wanted to punish myself and didnt care of the consequences. It was often in times when i felt out of control and it helped me bring back under control.

GMS you are going through (for anyone) prob the the most monumental change in your life.

You cant help feeling who or what you identify with. You deserve happiness long term (even though that might seem a lifetime away), happiness can come. I have a few good friends who have transitioned, their transition was awful but now they live an amazing happy life. That awaits you. Just dont let alcohol be that stopping block.

Also stay away from the "other" forums, stay here, post. Surround yourself with support and us all who accept you

Anna

GMS, I hope you stay away from any forums that do not allow you to be the person you are. Those must be toxic for you.

SR is always safe and welcoming for you, so if you stay on the internet, I know that you will be safe and supported here.

If you leave out of necessity, I hope and pray that you can find some peace in your life.

Please know how much I and others here, care for you.

Dean1978

We care GMS.

2muchpain

I can't believe in 2018, people still have issues with this and many other things. When is the world gonna grow up!! Sure, there are some things that I have a hard time understanding, but that doesn't make it wrong. When are people gonna just mind their own business and let people live whatever life they want? Stuff like this just really ticks me off. My advice would be to live your life any way you want that makes you happy. Don't let other peoples' attitudes get in you way of achieving that. Take care. John

soberista

"my pastor who has been helping me with my mental health says i shouldn't use the pc anymore am addicted to it"

Apologies if i speak out of turn here but surely a qualified counsellor would be the person to talk to. Someone who is qualified to help. What mental.health training does the pastor have?

I wish you all the very best and youre welcome here with open and loving arms.

Gilmer

It might just be a very good idea for you to stay off the internet altogether.

Stick with AA. As far as I understand, your own trust in your Higher Power is a very personal thing. Your personal inventory is also between you and your Higher Power.

I know here in the US there are AA meetings especially tailored to LGBTQ people. You could be assured of no judgment there.

Your husband is your most faithful and loyal ally. Trust him!

If he is willing to give up his own use of the internet for your sake, let him. That is a very beautiful and loving thing.

Be very honest with yourself. Are you truly concerned primarily with his happiness in your desire to keep the internet?

Or do you think it might be your addicted brain finding a legitimate reason to keep the internet for your own use?

Your husband and pastor are looking out for your best interests.

Does your therapist know about your addiction to self-harm?

Dee74

From your posts I think your pastor is a good friend confidant and a source of advice and your husband obviously cares for you very deeply.

I hope you can find it in yourself to believe that you don't need to punish yourself - you're a good decent person, who's had a hard life, but who deserves some peace and happiness now.

God loves all his creations

I hope you don't leave SR but you gotta do what you think is best.
If you do, I'll be praying for the peace and happiness for you GMS.

MythOfSisyphus

I hope you can stay GMS, but in any event we care and will be here if you need someone to talk to. I hope you find some peace.

August252015

Thank you for bravely sharing here. I too hope you will find staying here to be positive, but ultimately wish you peace and acceptance and sobriety wherever you can find it.

Take care of yourself.

Berrybean

Yep. What Dee said. 100%

Take care GMS.

Xx

16YearsDrunk

It's such a shame that there are still backward people who are unable to accept a person for who they are. I can't imagine how you're feeling and you have my deepest sympathies. I'm just going to share some off the cuff advice. Feel free to ignore me, but I've been in situations where I wasn't accept and I've been ridiculed many times by communities for my beliefs.

They say in life you are treated how you allow yourself to be treated. Or, if you put yourself around negative peers you’re only going to get negativity back.

For me I would never befriend a person who doesn’t accept me for who I am. And I would never put myself in circles that don’t accept me. That’s asking for trouble.

Sadly there’s always going to be people who are against something. This is not exclusive to sexuality, or gender. It happens in all walks of life. But I think you have to remove yourself from these situations.

You don’t need to stay off the Internet. But you do need to stay away from communities who are negative towards you and unwilling to accept you. I think it's near impossible to change the mindset of another person however hard you try. The crowd mentality will always win out.

I used to be a Christian and hang out of Christian forums. For personal reasons I no longer believe in any religion. I used to frequent one of the big forums (mentioning no names). I found many of the regular members to be overbearing, obnoxious, and down right rude. I can honestly say it was one of the most toxic forums I have ever used.

Live your life girl! Don’t care what others think about you. Why does it matter what they think? This is your life, not theirs. Live by your own rules and do as you please. I adopted a "Zero *****" attitude.

There's a book called: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a **** ... this book is my bible. I highly recommend.

I wish you all the best.

D122y

Grant,

Great post.

Imo...nobody has got it all figured out.

I do me. Sometimes I try to please, sometimes not so much.

The internet is one of the greatest inventions of all time.

With out it, all of our phones and tablets etc become kicked up calculator cameras.

I'm typing here half the time w my thumbs so it keeps my posts shorter usually.

I would rather have an internet addiction than an active drug addiction.

If my wife tried to ban my Internet, she would feel some stress from me.

Sorry if I missed something else in your post. It is 2018, it is ok to be LBGT or whatever.

Like I said, nobody has all the answers....not even Google.

You do you.

Thanks.