To the wives of recovering addicts
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1
To the wives of recovering addicts
It breaks my heart to hear “ my husband left me after rehab “ or “ rehab ruined my marriage “
I have advice .
I too have experienced that distant unemotional voice , conversation
I have experienced his acting like he’s meeting me for the first time
The seeming distracted in thought and his overall seeming so happy saying
“ this is the best I’ve felt my whole life “
But , I know for fact what they say to them in inpatient , I experienced it from the beginning . This is what they’re told
1- unless you’re already married , do not start a relationship for the 1st year out of rehab
2- dont try to make amends for the bad things or hurt caused to others while you were drinking . This is all about your healing , you need to avoid anyone or anything that brings up the bad drinking times
3- focus on you and you only , unless you have children .
The list goes on , the counselors don’t care about wives and they have so much info pumped into their head it makes being close and loving with the wife who stood by him , different , like 2 buddies who live together .
I’m speaking from experience , here’s what I did .
I spoke up
I wasn’t afraid to disagree with words he said counselors told him
I reminded him of one important fact
FAMILY SUPPORT is the key to a successful recovery .
Yes they’re encouraged to become self absorbed in recovery
They’re in such fragile shape , the metamorphosis is a strange feeling to them , they start acting like military men needing a leader to tell them how to think
The counselor
I got my husband to focus on the DOCTOR
The meds , his Job , you know,,, real life
And he eventually snapped out of being the robot who couldn’t function without asking his counselor what to think what to do
They’re in a daze when they get out rehab
It’s been slow going but I’m happy to say the words “ I shouldn’t be with anybody “ changed to “ if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be alive and you deserve the new improved me “
I too remember thinking things were better when he was drinking there was more closeness etc ,
Just remember that the transistion from addict to sober is like a jolt to their system
They feel like they woke up from a dream and they’re trying to adjust
If you want him , speak up
Keep speaking up
If you don’t want to lose your newly sober husband , speak up
Eventually you will get thru to him
It’s almost not their fault that rehab turned them into soldier acting men who can only function with a counselors words or a female who can relate .
Do not stress the female in rehab he may or may not have kissed .
The #1 way to relapse is for 1 recovering addict to hook up with another one and your husband knows this and it won’t last
I’ve lived it
Their thought processes are all over like a soldier returning from a deployment
I’m an ex military wife
I remarried and he turned out to be a raging alcoholic who did inpatient rehab
It will be ok
Just do what I did
Educate yourself on what he’s going thru
I read a lot
I questioned a lot
I got my husband back
I have advice .
I too have experienced that distant unemotional voice , conversation
I have experienced his acting like he’s meeting me for the first time
The seeming distracted in thought and his overall seeming so happy saying
“ this is the best I’ve felt my whole life “
But , I know for fact what they say to them in inpatient , I experienced it from the beginning . This is what they’re told
1- unless you’re already married , do not start a relationship for the 1st year out of rehab
2- dont try to make amends for the bad things or hurt caused to others while you were drinking . This is all about your healing , you need to avoid anyone or anything that brings up the bad drinking times
3- focus on you and you only , unless you have children .
The list goes on , the counselors don’t care about wives and they have so much info pumped into their head it makes being close and loving with the wife who stood by him , different , like 2 buddies who live together .
I’m speaking from experience , here’s what I did .
I spoke up
I wasn’t afraid to disagree with words he said counselors told him
I reminded him of one important fact
FAMILY SUPPORT is the key to a successful recovery .
Yes they’re encouraged to become self absorbed in recovery
They’re in such fragile shape , the metamorphosis is a strange feeling to them , they start acting like military men needing a leader to tell them how to think
The counselor
I got my husband to focus on the DOCTOR
The meds , his Job , you know,,, real life
And he eventually snapped out of being the robot who couldn’t function without asking his counselor what to think what to do
They’re in a daze when they get out rehab
It’s been slow going but I’m happy to say the words “ I shouldn’t be with anybody “ changed to “ if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be alive and you deserve the new improved me “
I too remember thinking things were better when he was drinking there was more closeness etc ,
Just remember that the transistion from addict to sober is like a jolt to their system
They feel like they woke up from a dream and they’re trying to adjust
If you want him , speak up
Keep speaking up
If you don’t want to lose your newly sober husband , speak up
Eventually you will get thru to him
It’s almost not their fault that rehab turned them into soldier acting men who can only function with a counselors words or a female who can relate .
Do not stress the female in rehab he may or may not have kissed .
The #1 way to relapse is for 1 recovering addict to hook up with another one and your husband knows this and it won’t last
I’ve lived it
Their thought processes are all over like a soldier returning from a deployment
I’m an ex military wife
I remarried and he turned out to be a raging alcoholic who did inpatient rehab
It will be ok
Just do what I did
Educate yourself on what he’s going thru
I read a lot
I questioned a lot
I got my husband back
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 128
Thank you for sharing. The part about the AH being in such fragile shape resonated with me. When my husband came out of rehab I walked on eggshells for months so to not hurt his fragility. At the end of the day, I just needed to live my life. I'm so happy for you you that you got your husband back. All the best to you!
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