Lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 18
Lost
Hi Guys,
I have just joined and could do with some support as feeling lost. I have real issues with alcohol and cocaine - I am 33 now and have used throughout my 20’s but in the last couple of years it has become a real problem. It’s starting to really take its toll in more ways than one - I have tried to give up before but always seem to come back to it. As soon as I drink (even one beer), it inevitably leads to coke and often alone.
I have made the decision to get help (again) as I know if I don’t sort this out it will be catastrophic. I had counselling previously but just couldn’t seem to commit and felt that I wasn’t being honest with myself or my addiction counsellor as was just telling them what they wanted to hear. This time I want to give it a real go and would appreciate any help or support.
Thank you all.
I have just joined and could do with some support as feeling lost. I have real issues with alcohol and cocaine - I am 33 now and have used throughout my 20’s but in the last couple of years it has become a real problem. It’s starting to really take its toll in more ways than one - I have tried to give up before but always seem to come back to it. As soon as I drink (even one beer), it inevitably leads to coke and often alone.
I have made the decision to get help (again) as I know if I don’t sort this out it will be catastrophic. I had counselling previously but just couldn’t seem to commit and felt that I wasn’t being honest with myself or my addiction counsellor as was just telling them what they wanted to hear. This time I want to give it a real go and would appreciate any help or support.
Thank you all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 18
I tried therapy last year and then thought I could go it alone but - I was wrong. I have just re engaged with my therapist and will be meeting tomorrow, will be dedicating everything to getting this behind me. I guess the difficulty is the realisation that I will never be able to have that ‘one beer’ as for me that is just not an option. I need to face this fact and embrace it. I will be sticking around and appreciate it .
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 617
You're not alone.
Reach out now while you are having the spark to make changes.
Google the resources in your area, call the aa number and look up a meeting, or n/a or addiction therapy, etc. Get in now with some sort of face to face support and keep posting here.
Reach out now while you are having the spark to make changes.
Google the resources in your area, call the aa number and look up a meeting, or n/a or addiction therapy, etc. Get in now with some sort of face to face support and keep posting here.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
Firewire, i am currently reading the book "Alcohol explained" by William Porter on my kindle/laptop. This book explains scientifically using easy medical terms as to what is driving us to alcoholism. It is only $2.5 on amazon store.
I had a sea change in my outlook after i finished 50% of the chapters. It is not even a cost of a beer. Please get it asap and help yourself.
I had a sea change in my outlook after i finished 50% of the chapters. It is not even a cost of a beer. Please get it asap and help yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 617
I just read your reply that you are seeing your therapist tomorrow.
Good work.
One moment at a time.
Our addiction wants us to think that it's a terrible thing to never be able to chase that feeling, but its so wrong.
It's so wrong.
You will have a life that is better than you could ever imagine. With true real happiness that you do not want or need to cover up with fake illusions and fake feelings.
And so much better than the false illusion of that "one beer" or drugs.
The farther you get away from it the more it will be true for you.
There really is a way better life.
You are awesome! Good for you. One day at a time. Drink water and keep posting.
Good work.
One moment at a time.
Our addiction wants us to think that it's a terrible thing to never be able to chase that feeling, but its so wrong.
It's so wrong.
You will have a life that is better than you could ever imagine. With true real happiness that you do not want or need to cover up with fake illusions and fake feelings.
And so much better than the false illusion of that "one beer" or drugs.
The farther you get away from it the more it will be true for you.
There really is a way better life.
You are awesome! Good for you. One day at a time. Drink water and keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 18
Thank you - it’s good to hear from others who understand. I am at rock bottom I feel and in danger of losing everything - I have reached out and will be meeting therapist tomorrow. Addiction is such a tricky beast
Originally Posted by Hopeful528 
You're not alone.
Reach out now while you are having the spark to make changes.
Google the resources in your area, call the aa number and look up a meeting, or n/a or addiction therapy, etc. Get in now with some sort of face to face support and keep posting here.
Reach out now while you are having the spark to make changes.
Google the resources in your area, call the aa number and look up a meeting, or n/a or addiction therapy, etc. Get in now with some sort of face to face support and keep posting here.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
The idea that it is impossible is AV bs ( there are some really great threads here on SR in the Secular Connections forum and Abstinence Based Recovery subforum on ideas that really resonated with me and that I always recommend for perusal).
Further food for thought is for you to consider that the trouble really comes from the use in the 20's , yeah? The negative consequences probably just started piling up so high rationalizing them away was near impossible, yeah? That's pretty much how it worked for me , and I'd wager to say a significant majority of those 'here'.
Some more of the Av bs to be mindful of is the " I can't have even one yada" , sure you can that's why we did in the past , the place to get to is the where/when you know you could, ie you are a all growded up adult who can do as they please, and then decide that you straight up "Don't"
The euphoria of the buzz and the cosmic timeout that is the haze and fuzz of intoxication as a goal to pursue , results of actions 'worth' taking because they feel sooo good they can't be wrong, is the first Big lie of the AV , the Original Denial of the AV ( interesting thread on that topic in the aforementioned area ).
welcome aboard , hope to see you around , and "it' is definitely possible, and You can do it, guaranteed ( even if you don't believe yet, but you should
)
Further food for thought is for you to consider that the trouble really comes from the use in the 20's , yeah? The negative consequences probably just started piling up so high rationalizing them away was near impossible, yeah? That's pretty much how it worked for me , and I'd wager to say a significant majority of those 'here'.
Some more of the Av bs to be mindful of is the " I can't have even one yada" , sure you can that's why we did in the past , the place to get to is the where/when you know you could, ie you are a all growded up adult who can do as they please, and then decide that you straight up "Don't"
The euphoria of the buzz and the cosmic timeout that is the haze and fuzz of intoxication as a goal to pursue , results of actions 'worth' taking because they feel sooo good they can't be wrong, is the first Big lie of the AV , the Original Denial of the AV ( interesting thread on that topic in the aforementioned area ).
welcome aboard , hope to see you around , and "it' is definitely possible, and You can do it, guaranteed ( even if you don't believe yet, but you should
)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 18
Genuinely thank you - that really makes sense. I guess I’m typical in the sense that just as I feel I’m ‘back on track’ and feeling better / can handle it, I will end up ruining myself. Onwards and upwards though and it’s good to be here.
Originally Posted by Hopeful528
I just read your reply that you are seeing your therapist tomorrow.
Good work.
One moment at a time.
Our addiction wants us to think that it's a terrible thing to never be able to chase that feeling, but its so wrong.
It's so wrong.
You will have a life that is better than you could ever imagine. With true real happiness that you do not want or need to cover up with fake illusions and fake feelings.
And so much better than the false illusion of that "one beer" or drugs.
The farther you get away from it the more it will be true for you.
There really is a way better life.
You are awesome! Good for you. One day at a time. Drink water and keep posting.
Good work.
One moment at a time.
Our addiction wants us to think that it's a terrible thing to never be able to chase that feeling, but its so wrong.
It's so wrong.
You will have a life that is better than you could ever imagine. With true real happiness that you do not want or need to cover up with fake illusions and fake feelings.
And so much better than the false illusion of that "one beer" or drugs.
The farther you get away from it the more it will be true for you.
There really is a way better life.
You are awesome! Good for you. One day at a time. Drink water and keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 18
Totally agree - although I perhaps didn’t recognise it at the time, these problems have been long term. Thanks for the recommendation I will look up what you mention, appreciate it.
Originally Posted by dwtbd
The idea that it is impossible is AV bs ( there are some really great threads here on SR in the Secular Connections forum and Abstinence Based Recovery subforum on ideas that really resonated with me and that I always recommend for perusal).
Further food for thought is for you to consider that the trouble really comes from the use in the 20's , yeah? The negative consequences probably just started piling up so high rationalizing them away was near impossible, yeah? That's pretty much how it worked for me , and I'd wager to say a significant majority of those 'here'.
Some more of the Av bs to be mindful of is the " I can't have even one yada" , sure you can that's why we did in the past , the place to get to is the where/when you know you could, ie you are a all growded up adult who can do as they please, and then decide that you straight up "Don't"
The euphoria of the buzz and the cosmic timeout that is the haze and fuzz of intoxication as a goal to pursue , results of actions 'worth' taking because they feel sooo good they can't be wrong, is the first Big lie of the AV , the Original Denial of the AV ( interesting thread on that topic in the aforementioned area ).
welcome aboard , hope to see you around , and "it' is definitely possible, and You can do it, guaranteed ( even if you don't believe yet, but you should )
Further food for thought is for you to consider that the trouble really comes from the use in the 20's , yeah? The negative consequences probably just started piling up so high rationalizing them away was near impossible, yeah? That's pretty much how it worked for me , and I'd wager to say a significant majority of those 'here'.
Some more of the Av bs to be mindful of is the " I can't have even one yada" , sure you can that's why we did in the past , the place to get to is the where/when you know you could, ie you are a all growded up adult who can do as they please, and then decide that you straight up "Don't"
The euphoria of the buzz and the cosmic timeout that is the haze and fuzz of intoxication as a goal to pursue , results of actions 'worth' taking because they feel sooo good they can't be wrong, is the first Big lie of the AV , the Original Denial of the AV ( interesting thread on that topic in the aforementioned area ).
welcome aboard , hope to see you around , and "it' is definitely possible, and You can do it, guaranteed ( even if you don't believe yet, but you should
)Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 18
Very interesting - I will get this now, thanks.
Originally Posted by calmself
Firewire, i am currently reading the book "Alcohol explained" by William Porter on my kindle/laptop. This book explains scientifically using easy medical terms as to what is driving us to alcoholism. It is only $2.5 on amazon store.
I had a sea change in my outlook after i finished 50% of the chapters. It is not even a cost of a beer. Please get it asap and help yourself.
I had a sea change in my outlook after i finished 50% of the chapters. It is not even a cost of a beer. Please get it asap and help yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 617
You're so welcome. You're making all the right steps.
Things are going to get better.
Its because its a genuine illness. But there are solutions and ways to beat it and the more we beat it the quieter it becomes and the stronger we get and the more we don't want that life anymore and the more we can recognize that its our addiction talking wanting to ruin things for us.
There are a million different programs and different approaches to try and so many wise elders on here with so much advice plus your addiction counselor.
You're going to learn how to tackle it one thought at a time and one moment at a time and one day at a time.
Things are going to get better.
Its because its a genuine illness. But there are solutions and ways to beat it and the more we beat it the quieter it becomes and the stronger we get and the more we don't want that life anymore and the more we can recognize that its our addiction talking wanting to ruin things for us.
There are a million different programs and different approaches to try and so many wise elders on here with so much advice plus your addiction counselor.
You're going to learn how to tackle it one thought at a time and one moment at a time and one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 617
Here is a FWD from a post someone left that I found helpful in explaining how i kept going back to it.
Now I'm going to be quiet and let the elder wisers chime in. But know you're not alone, and keep coming back. Congratulate yourself on making a big step and reaching out.
Hi Hopeful,
I am glad you are feeling better. From one of your earlier posts I picked up that you can last about 30 days on meetings alone. My limit was 21 days. Then the obsession returned.
When that happens, the last thing I was going to do was call anyone. It is fundamental to the AA experience that at certain times we will have no effective mental defence against the first drink, which means we will not call anyone. By the time the obsession comes back, it is too late.
My suggestion, don’t wait thirty days to start the steps. Get into them with a sponsor tomorrow, or today even. We take the steps to recover, not the other way around.
A passage from the big book, “ neither we nor any human power could provide such a defence. It had to come from a Higher Power” that is the purpose of the steps, to put you in direct contact with a Power greater than yourself that will solve your problem.
My experience wa that the moment I sincerely began seeking the higher power through the steps, the obsession was lifted.
The practice of calling others is very useful as a regular habit. It may help you avoid getting into a position where a drink is on the cards. It is what you do today that will keep you sober. If you call someone, work on a step, go to a meeting, try and help someone else, if you do that today, chances are you will be ok tomorrow.
If you want to wait until you neeeeeed to call, it will be too late. Chances are you won’t see the relapse coming. I never did, though I could always see how it happened in hindsight.
__________________
Mike.
It is not change that is painful, it is the resistance to change
All BB quotes from 1st Edition.
Now I'm going to be quiet and let the elder wisers chime in. But know you're not alone, and keep coming back. Congratulate yourself on making a big step and reaching out.
Hi Hopeful,
I am glad you are feeling better. From one of your earlier posts I picked up that you can last about 30 days on meetings alone. My limit was 21 days. Then the obsession returned.
When that happens, the last thing I was going to do was call anyone. It is fundamental to the AA experience that at certain times we will have no effective mental defence against the first drink, which means we will not call anyone. By the time the obsession comes back, it is too late.
My suggestion, don’t wait thirty days to start the steps. Get into them with a sponsor tomorrow, or today even. We take the steps to recover, not the other way around.
A passage from the big book, “ neither we nor any human power could provide such a defence. It had to come from a Higher Power” that is the purpose of the steps, to put you in direct contact with a Power greater than yourself that will solve your problem.
My experience wa that the moment I sincerely began seeking the higher power through the steps, the obsession was lifted.
The practice of calling others is very useful as a regular habit. It may help you avoid getting into a position where a drink is on the cards. It is what you do today that will keep you sober. If you call someone, work on a step, go to a meeting, try and help someone else, if you do that today, chances are you will be ok tomorrow.
If you want to wait until you neeeeeed to call, it will be too late. Chances are you won’t see the relapse coming. I never did, though I could always see how it happened in hindsight.
__________________
Mike.
It is not change that is painful, it is the resistance to change
All BB quotes from 1st Edition.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 617
What I got from the post is, whatever your recovery program, the trick is to tackle it daily, kind of like a large glass vase, and daily we are putting drops of water into it, and filling it up, over the course of the month, thats our defense against it. Against the addiction. Against the lying addictive thoughts and voice and illness.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Permanent Abstinence Based Recovery, blew past my edit window, I think , dropped an extremely operable word there, lol, a littel AV blank out for a second, lol that little bugger doesn't like the word Never or Permanent , too bad for it ,lol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 18
Agreed - needs to be done. I’ve tried this before and then as soon as Im tempted to drink I’m back to square one and into addict mode. Appreciate the reply
Originally Posted by thomas11
One thing you will have to do is change your social circle. Your dealer, supplier, friends who use with you. Cut the rope. Sucks, but gotta be done.
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