I could use some rehab advice tonight.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 66
I could use some rehab advice tonight.
I’m feeling worried tonight. My loved one (day 10 Rehab) is getting anxious that other patients are saying it won’t be the “first and last time” in rehab. And all the waiting around in hallways to get meds/dinner/bloodtests etc is aggravating. Dreads the idea of talking about childhood/parents etc. Told me tonight on the verge of quitting the whole thing getting a taxi home. I of course strongly opposed that idea and said so!
The rehab program with therapist, group therapy, career counselor etc. will begin on Monday.
Now is probably not the right time to insist that coming home is not an option. Am I right? Do I give an Ultimatum? Coming home now is not an option but I can’t stop anyone from making choices. So I have some thinking to do and people to ask in next few days. Phew! I’ll work it out because I am totally sure I want my life back. Whatever it takes. Any tips are gratefully accepted! Thanks in advance. You’re part of my lifeline!
The rehab program with therapist, group therapy, career counselor etc. will begin on Monday.
Now is probably not the right time to insist that coming home is not an option. Am I right? Do I give an Ultimatum? Coming home now is not an option but I can’t stop anyone from making choices. So I have some thinking to do and people to ask in next few days. Phew! I’ll work it out because I am totally sure I want my life back. Whatever it takes. Any tips are gratefully accepted! Thanks in advance. You’re part of my lifeline!
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
It's totally okay to keep things light and bright. For you, even more than your relationship. (((hugs)))
More will be revealed and this one day isn't meant for solving such big issues.
I find the bigger things are lead into easier and easier if at first I enjoy something of life. Something delicious to eat and drink. A joke or two to lighten my mood. Suddenly words come out in the right timing.
"I love you."
"It's good to see you."
"Cool pain color on that wall."
Whatever it takes. It's about rejuvenating my day. Without this, there is no basis for any kind of relationship.
If the words "I want to live alone for a while. I need space to heal." or anything like it come flowing out of my mouth, I trust in this timing. If not, it can be dealt with in different ways on a different day.
More will be revealed and this one day isn't meant for solving such big issues.
I find the bigger things are lead into easier and easier if at first I enjoy something of life. Something delicious to eat and drink. A joke or two to lighten my mood. Suddenly words come out in the right timing.
"I love you."
"It's good to see you."
"Cool pain color on that wall."
Whatever it takes. It's about rejuvenating my day. Without this, there is no basis for any kind of relationship.
If the words "I want to live alone for a while. I need space to heal." or anything like it come flowing out of my mouth, I trust in this timing. If not, it can be dealt with in different ways on a different day.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I agree with Mango.
Rehab is not a picnic, nor a resort. There will be things he/she does not like. If he/she is serious about it, he/she will get over it. Encourage him/her to hang in there and see if it's better once Monday rolls around.
Rehab is not a picnic, nor a resort. There will be things he/she does not like. If he/she is serious about it, he/she will get over it. Encourage him/her to hang in there and see if it's better once Monday rolls around.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
many folks in rehab get a strong desire to jump the fence and run away. however, he'd be feeling that way no matter where he was.....
you can't force him to stay. you can suggest he ride it out another day or so. do you have any boundaries in place if he DOES quit and wants to come home?
you can't force him to stay. you can suggest he ride it out another day or so. do you have any boundaries in place if he DOES quit and wants to come home?
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Something important to my recovery is the right and ability to not respond. I can listen. I don't have to suggest or encourage anything at all.
When I've had negative comments about my silence, I say "I'm listening to you." Practice allows these words to flow easier and more gently.
I have been blamed enough. My loved ones choices are theirs. To listen without judgement is a new way I give support.
Other alcoholics in recovery can be found in rehab and on any random street corner. Meetings come about in beautiful ways when someone is receptive. If they aren't receptive, there is nothing that I can say that will change that.
Miracles happen every day. Sometimes the person talking about leaving rehab one day is suddenly the one talking another addict into staying.
When I've had negative comments about my silence, I say "I'm listening to you." Practice allows these words to flow easier and more gently.
I have been blamed enough. My loved ones choices are theirs. To listen without judgement is a new way I give support.
Other alcoholics in recovery can be found in rehab and on any random street corner. Meetings come about in beautiful ways when someone is receptive. If they aren't receptive, there is nothing that I can say that will change that.
Miracles happen every day. Sometimes the person talking about leaving rehab one day is suddenly the one talking another addict into staying.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Counter-intuitively, I found self care before and after visiting was super helpful. Going out to a movie. Doing things just for me.
My emotions were stuffed down for a long time and I'd been in crisis-mode without realizing it.
Taking long deep breaths and making healthy choices for my own enjoyment were much needed as I learned to be there as a good friend to myself.
You sound like you're in a good place.
My emotions were stuffed down for a long time and I'd been in crisis-mode without realizing it.
Taking long deep breaths and making healthy choices for my own enjoyment were much needed as I learned to be there as a good friend to myself.
You sound like you're in a good place.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
what ya typed reminded me of an aweosme man i met that ended up in rehab. as he told it, he was havin himself a pity party and not wanting to do recovery- wanting it on his terms and not how rehab said.
called his wife and brought up comin home early.
his wifes reply:" you can leave, but if ya do this isnt your home so youll have to find another place to call home."
buggered him right up but ended up saving his life.
called his wife and brought up comin home early.
his wifes reply:" you can leave, but if ya do this isnt your home so youll have to find another place to call home."
buggered him right up but ended up saving his life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Zukunft.
I think it’s pretty common for the addict to want to bail.
The group stuff, the regimen, and, I think, the overall sadness of rehab initially really forces the addict out of his/her comfort zone.
Also, they are not having things the way they have had them for a long time.
And sadly, yes, the first rehab doesn’t always take.
But it can, so let’s be hopeful.
When my addict sib went through detox, then went to live in a sober house (which is different than rehab, I know) instead of coming back to live in my mom’s house as he had for many years, he called her the first night, insisting that he didn’t belong there and that she should come get him.
Right now.
He was shocked that he had to share a room with someone.
He adjusted eventually, but he has never accepted that he is alcohol addicted and still drinks.
It’s commendable that your SO wants to get help.
If you don’t want him to come home, then stick to your guns.
Work your recovery while he works his, yeah?
I think it’s pretty common for the addict to want to bail.
The group stuff, the regimen, and, I think, the overall sadness of rehab initially really forces the addict out of his/her comfort zone.
Also, they are not having things the way they have had them for a long time.
And sadly, yes, the first rehab doesn’t always take.
But it can, so let’s be hopeful.
When my addict sib went through detox, then went to live in a sober house (which is different than rehab, I know) instead of coming back to live in my mom’s house as he had for many years, he called her the first night, insisting that he didn’t belong there and that she should come get him.
Right now.
He was shocked that he had to share a room with someone.
He adjusted eventually, but he has never accepted that he is alcohol addicted and still drinks.
It’s commendable that your SO wants to get help.
If you don’t want him to come home, then stick to your guns.
Work your recovery while he works his, yeah?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Zununfit…..I think his reaction is pretty common during the first exposure to rehab.....the impulse to run from uncomfortable feelings--after all, that is what alcoholics do....that is what alcoholism is about....avoidance of uncomfortable feelings...
I suspect that he was fishing for you to be his "permission giver".....to leave....
So, I am pleased that you did not do that....
I especially noted that you said the following in your post---"I'll work it out because I am sure that I want my life back"...…
I get it that you see that your happiness in in his hands...whether, or not he gets into recovery....defines your life and your happiness.....
We.l..l…..maybe it will decide the fate of the relationship if he does get into genuine recovery.....which is something that is still far, far away on the horizon....or, not....
But--it does not define your happiness in this world....Never lose sight of the fact that your happiness lies totally in your hands, and the decisions that YOU make.....
Just like his path in life lies in his own hands and the decisions that HE makes....
If he should come home, prematurely.....th at gives you what you need to k now about his desire to become sober....and, then you will know what you need to do...for your own welfare....
I am giving you the following link to an article I n our library of excellent articles......I think it is a good one for you to read, just now. I think it is a pretty good yardstick....
I suspect that he was fishing for you to be his "permission giver".....to leave....
So, I am pleased that you did not do that....
I especially noted that you said the following in your post---"I'll work it out because I am sure that I want my life back"...…
I get it that you see that your happiness in in his hands...whether, or not he gets into recovery....defines your life and your happiness.....
We.l..l…..maybe it will decide the fate of the relationship if he does get into genuine recovery.....which is something that is still far, far away on the horizon....or, not....
But--it does not define your happiness in this world....Never lose sight of the fact that your happiness lies totally in your hands, and the decisions that YOU make.....
Just like his path in life lies in his own hands and the decisions that HE makes....
If he should come home, prematurely.....th at gives you what you need to k now about his desire to become sober....and, then you will know what you need to do...for your own welfare....
I am giving you the following link to an article I n our library of excellent articles......I think it is a good one for you to read, just now. I think it is a pretty good yardstick....
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Originally Posted by dandylion 
Zununfit…..I think his reaction is pretty common during the first exposure to rehab.....the impulse to run from uncomfortable feelings--after all, that is what alcoholics do....that is what alcoholism is about....avoidance of uncomfortable feelings...
I suspect that he was fishing for you to be his "permission giver".....to leave....
So, I am pleased that you did not do that....
I especially noted that you said the following in your post---"I'll work it out because I am sure that I want my life back"...…
I get it that you see that your happiness in in his hands...whether, or not he gets into recovery....defines your life and your happiness.....
We.l..l…..maybe it will decide the fate of the relationship if he does get into genuine recovery.....which is something that is still far, far away on the horizon....or, not....
But--it does not define your happiness in this world....Never lose sight of the fact that your happiness lies totally in your hands, and the decisions that YOU make.....
Just like his path in life lies in his own hands and the decisions that HE makes....
If he should come home, prematurely.....th at gives you what you need to k now about his desire to become sober....and, then you will know what you need to do...for your own welfare....
I am giving you the following link to an article I n our library of excellent articles......I think it is a good one for you to read, just now. I think it is a pretty good yardstick....
I suspect that he was fishing for you to be his "permission giver".....to leave....
So, I am pleased that you did not do that....
I especially noted that you said the following in your post---"I'll work it out because I am sure that I want my life back"...…
I get it that you see that your happiness in in his hands...whether, or not he gets into recovery....defines your life and your happiness.....
We.l..l…..maybe it will decide the fate of the relationship if he does get into genuine recovery.....which is something that is still far, far away on the horizon....or, not....
But--it does not define your happiness in this world....Never lose sight of the fact that your happiness lies totally in your hands, and the decisions that YOU make.....
Just like his path in life lies in his own hands and the decisions that HE makes....
If he should come home, prematurely.....th at gives you what you need to k now about his desire to become sober....and, then you will know what you need to do...for your own welfare....
I am giving you the following link to an article I n our library of excellent articles......I think it is a good one for you to read, just now. I think it is a pretty good yardstick....
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