Help...I need some HELP !!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: FLAAADAH
Posts: 793
Help...I need some HELP !!!
... Day 18 and my A/V is screaming at me today! I grabbed my Bugout Bag and headed to the big box store...and waited on the bus...and waited...and waited... the whole time my A/V just launching a volley at me with both barrels blazing !!!
I've been up since the sun this am doing chores. One little thing happened that I think, lit me off! So, first of all anger is a big trigger for me.
I know if I sat there waiting for the bus a minute longer I would be in that store buying beer ( I committed my biggest sin, I had a bank card on me that I thought I had given to the wifey for gas a few days ago) !...so I came back home to get my gym bag. In the meantime I'am posting this. There is a gym near here that I have privelidges at. I think a good workout may calm me and my a/v down.
In the meantime I'am going to take a brisk walk around the "Block" while awaiting for some feed back.
Someone, anyone please talk me down from the ledge... or at least try!
Thank you....
DD
I've been up since the sun this am doing chores. One little thing happened that I think, lit me off! So, first of all anger is a big trigger for me.
I know if I sat there waiting for the bus a minute longer I would be in that store buying beer ( I committed my biggest sin, I had a bank card on me that I thought I had given to the wifey for gas a few days ago) !...so I came back home to get my gym bag. In the meantime I'am posting this. There is a gym near here that I have privelidges at. I think a good workout may calm me and my a/v down.
In the meantime I'am going to take a brisk walk around the "Block" while awaiting for some feed back.
Someone, anyone please talk me down from the ledge... or at least try!
Thank you....
DD
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 128
Well said Bumblebee!! Day 19 sounds amazing! Can’t wait til I get there!! Stay on track, you can do it!!! You will feel amazing once you beat this urge, if you stumble, you know the guilt and shame will return! Who wants that?! Stay strong my friend, you should be proud of your accomplishments thus far, don’t let drink win!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
At our house we are weirdly obsessed with Modern Family , watch the re runs all the time.
They recently aired the episode where Phil is helping Andy make a video for his girlfriend, they set up a 'green screen' in the living room and shoot a video , in the end scene those playful boys yuck it up pretending to be the characters from the movie "Gravity". ( and Haley learns a valuable lesson about valuing eg a real gentleman doesn't show up late for a date and sit curbside and honk, good for her, one of the first episodes that shows some real growth in that character).
The guys aren't really 'in space' they are just monkeying around on the piano bench draped in a cloth, the video editing uses the properties of pixels and coloration to create the illusion .
The AV does a very similar thing, yeah? There is no ledge, yeah?
Mentally stepping 'back' you can observe that you are not, I hope, in physical possession of alcohol or traversing a crevice where a gravitational force wells up over the rim and can pull You from a firmly foot planted position and suck you into a void against you will , yeah ?
The AV , even a screamin demon of one, is just a thought , it has no power to make you do anything or cause an actual event in the 'real' 'physical' realm, only the real rational you has total control over your arms, legs, elbows and muscle that control swallowing.
The AV has to project the green screen version , the illusion that Its presence has power over your actions.
My post really was in the vein of the old mental/trick. conundrum:" don't think about pink elephants"
The Now it took to read about Phil and Andy and Haley was a Now you spent alcohol free , yeah ? Like any Now of at least the last two weeks , all alcohol free , yeah? It is possible to be that way in any Now you find Yourself in , whether or not the AV green screen is in projection mode, yeah ? Even this Now , you got this
They recently aired the episode where Phil is helping Andy make a video for his girlfriend, they set up a 'green screen' in the living room and shoot a video , in the end scene those playful boys yuck it up pretending to be the characters from the movie "Gravity". ( and Haley learns a valuable lesson about valuing eg a real gentleman doesn't show up late for a date and sit curbside and honk, good for her, one of the first episodes that shows some real growth in that character).
The guys aren't really 'in space' they are just monkeying around on the piano bench draped in a cloth, the video editing uses the properties of pixels and coloration to create the illusion .
The AV does a very similar thing, yeah? There is no ledge, yeah?
Mentally stepping 'back' you can observe that you are not, I hope, in physical possession of alcohol or traversing a crevice where a gravitational force wells up over the rim and can pull You from a firmly foot planted position and suck you into a void against you will , yeah ?
The AV , even a screamin demon of one, is just a thought , it has no power to make you do anything or cause an actual event in the 'real' 'physical' realm, only the real rational you has total control over your arms, legs, elbows and muscle that control swallowing.
The AV has to project the green screen version , the illusion that Its presence has power over your actions.
My post really was in the vein of the old mental/trick. conundrum:" don't think about pink elephants"
The Now it took to read about Phil and Andy and Haley was a Now you spent alcohol free , yeah ? Like any Now of at least the last two weeks , all alcohol free , yeah? It is possible to be that way in any Now you find Yourself in , whether or not the AV green screen is in projection mode, yeah ? Even this Now , you got this
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Remember that cravings are just thoughts Dave. You have the ability to choose your reaction. Coming here and asking for help is a good idea, taking a walk too. There's probably hundreds or thousands of choices you could make right now, and only one of them is purchasing alcohol. Make a better choice and you'll be fine.
Last edited by ScottFromWI; 05-23-2018 at 11:31 AM.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Dd,
18 is amazing.
Ime....i was pretty much over the physical addiction and it was all mental.
We exdrunks have real and medically demonstrated brain damage. The more we drink, no matter if we stop for a bit, the worse it gets. Eventually we go too crazy to function.
What i feel now is minor anxiety/obsession/craving/crazy/etc...i call it paws.
So, i know a relapse not only resets my clean days, but it also flips my hell march in the bad direction.
I still suffer daily. Addict for life.
Thanks.
18 is amazing.
Ime....i was pretty much over the physical addiction and it was all mental.
We exdrunks have real and medically demonstrated brain damage. The more we drink, no matter if we stop for a bit, the worse it gets. Eventually we go too crazy to function.
What i feel now is minor anxiety/obsession/craving/crazy/etc...i call it paws.
So, i know a relapse not only resets my clean days, but it also flips my hell march in the bad direction.
I still suffer daily. Addict for life.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 296
You've got this Dave. Great job coming here then distracting yourself with activities. It sounds like you are working your plan. Compare the two- wake up with a raging hangover, filled with shame, guilt, and anger. Or, you could wake up tomorrow, clear headed, knowing that you slayed the dragon. Guilt and shame or the pride of hero.
You are a hero Dave. You can do this.
You are a hero Dave. You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: FLAAADAH
Posts: 793
Hello everyone. I want to thank you all for your posts of support. I took my walk and have been putting together an early lunch and I'am feeling better by the minute.
Most all of what was said I already knew but seemed to have forgotten! That alcoholic amnesia sets in hard sometimes !
It's not real,
It's all just a thought.
I do NOT have to act on it.
I do NOT have to obey my A/V...or even listen to it.
It is a figment of my imagination.
It resides between my ears and no where else.
It's all a lie. The AV is a master at it.
Thank You everyone. I'am feeling much better...and it feels GOOD !!!
I think I will stay here and read through some old posts on SR and some of my old personal ones when I caved
Final thought: I know it is NEVER just "One" or just a "Few" ! It is a lie!...1 leads to 18, it always has and always will !
Thank you everyone ! I'am looking forward to awakening to Day 19 in the morning, clear headed, fresh and ready to take on the Day.
DD
Most all of what was said I already knew but seemed to have forgotten! That alcoholic amnesia sets in hard sometimes !
It's not real,
It's all just a thought.
I do NOT have to act on it.
I do NOT have to obey my A/V...or even listen to it.
It is a figment of my imagination.
It resides between my ears and no where else.
It's all a lie. The AV is a master at it.
Thank You everyone. I'am feeling much better...and it feels GOOD !!!
I think I will stay here and read through some old posts on SR and some of my old personal ones when I caved
Final thought: I know it is NEVER just "One" or just a "Few" ! It is a lie!...1 leads to 18, it always has and always will !
Thank you everyone ! I'am looking forward to awakening to Day 19 in the morning, clear headed, fresh and ready to take on the Day.
DD
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 269
Hang in there Dave. This is my day 18 also. As others have said, play the tape forward: think how you're going to feel tomorrow if you let the AV have its way. Not to mention there's always that chance that it'll set you completely off track and who knows how long until you get back on--if ever. Don't take that chance, it's not worth it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: FLAAADAH
Posts: 793
Another take away from this episode or lesson learned I'd like to add is this...
When these craves hit hard...DONT PANIC ! I think I did and was nt thinking clearly because of it!
Think it through, Ride the "Wave" and stay calm.
I just had to add that in there.
Thank You
DD
When these craves hit hard...DONT PANIC ! I think I did and was nt thinking clearly because of it!
Think it through, Ride the "Wave" and stay calm.
I just had to add that in there.
Thank You
DD
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Hello Dave.....Im glad you made it sober
another day.
I, like many living a life in recovery had
to learn a many a things about the what's
and the why's of drinking, alcoholism,
addiction. It took having folks capable
and knowledgeable about addiction
to teach us the effects it has on our minds,
bodies and yes, our souls too.
Mentally, physically and spiritually we
all have been affected by the poison of
alcohol or drugs that ran thru our systems.
We also learned that once we put the
plug in the jug, cork in the bottle we
are still left to our own selves and have
to clean up the mess we left behind or
in the past.
We still have to face life on life's terms
without the crutch of alcohol or drugs.
That numbing poison that would keep
us sick in our addiction.
The past that comes back to haunt us
or the present that baffles us and we
don't know how to deal with it without
that crutch.
Recovery life or life in recovery is more
than simply not drinking day after day.
We have to relearn new and healthier
ways to deal with people, places and things
on a sober or clean bases.
You mentioned in your share that some
little something ticked you off or made
you angry or stirred up some unhealthy
feelings inside which could and would have
drove you back to picking up poison and
numbing those uncomfortable feelings.
However, you didn't drink and you came
here asking for help which is tremendous.
Huge step on your part.
If you'd like to take another step and
talk about what disturbed you so much
that youd want to reach for poison, then
folks here can share some helpful suggestions
with you to help you when this situation
pops up again and you will be ready for it.
All of us have had and probabaly still
have many of life's situations that crop
up and ruffle our feathers to where we
need an outlet or escape to release
anger, resentments, or other unhealthy
feelings.
I like many who do use the AA recovery
program of recovery for sometime now,
use it as a guideline in helping us work
thru or direct many of life's problems
that at one time kept us sick in our addiction.
We had to learn to ask for help in
which you did and helps us realize
that we never have to go thru anything
alone or by ourselves again. That there
will always be others that have been
there, done many of the same similar
things as you and now have a healthier
solution in recovery to help us avoid
ever picking up a drink or drug again
or returning our misery that come with
addiction.
I hope I made a little sense and hope
you continue reaching out to others
as you continue seeking healthier solutions
while building a strong, solid recovery
foundation to live you life upon for yrs
to come.
another day.
I, like many living a life in recovery had
to learn a many a things about the what's
and the why's of drinking, alcoholism,
addiction. It took having folks capable
and knowledgeable about addiction
to teach us the effects it has on our minds,
bodies and yes, our souls too.
Mentally, physically and spiritually we
all have been affected by the poison of
alcohol or drugs that ran thru our systems.
We also learned that once we put the
plug in the jug, cork in the bottle we
are still left to our own selves and have
to clean up the mess we left behind or
in the past.
We still have to face life on life's terms
without the crutch of alcohol or drugs.
That numbing poison that would keep
us sick in our addiction.
The past that comes back to haunt us
or the present that baffles us and we
don't know how to deal with it without
that crutch.
Recovery life or life in recovery is more
than simply not drinking day after day.
We have to relearn new and healthier
ways to deal with people, places and things
on a sober or clean bases.
You mentioned in your share that some
little something ticked you off or made
you angry or stirred up some unhealthy
feelings inside which could and would have
drove you back to picking up poison and
numbing those uncomfortable feelings.
However, you didn't drink and you came
here asking for help which is tremendous.
Huge step on your part.
If you'd like to take another step and
talk about what disturbed you so much
that youd want to reach for poison, then
folks here can share some helpful suggestions
with you to help you when this situation
pops up again and you will be ready for it.
All of us have had and probabaly still
have many of life's situations that crop
up and ruffle our feathers to where we
need an outlet or escape to release
anger, resentments, or other unhealthy
feelings.
I like many who do use the AA recovery
program of recovery for sometime now,
use it as a guideline in helping us work
thru or direct many of life's problems
that at one time kept us sick in our addiction.
We had to learn to ask for help in
which you did and helps us realize
that we never have to go thru anything
alone or by ourselves again. That there
will always be others that have been
there, done many of the same similar
things as you and now have a healthier
solution in recovery to help us avoid
ever picking up a drink or drug again
or returning our misery that come with
addiction.
I hope I made a little sense and hope
you continue reaching out to others
as you continue seeking healthier solutions
while building a strong, solid recovery
foundation to live you life upon for yrs
to come.
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