Sunflower1964

Not happy with myself at all this morning. 6 days of binging. All the trouble to get sober and feel great just to wake up feeling like crap again + starting a new job today. I just feel like crying right now.

doggonecarl

So you try again.

Your last post was entitled "11 days and feeling great!"

What happened that prompted you to pick up? Next time that happens, post here first. Before the drink.

Sunflower1964

Those nice sunny days, feeling I've got control over it and can drink in moderation. Just lying to myself I guess. Once I start, I never have enough. Yes, next time, I will post on here before. Thanks.

VigilanceNow

Hey Sunflower and welcome back. I have been where you’re at right now so many times... sounds like you’re a binge drinker like me. I can go stretches without drinking a drop, and when my AV infiltrates my psyche it’s like I honestly believe that I can have a nice glass of something and leave it at that, despite all evidence to the contrary. Once I get that first sip, the obsession takes over and i want nothing but more and more and more. It’s insanity.

You’re back here now, so you just put the past behind you and move forward with sobriety as your priority. Whenever you get the urge, call someone. If you don’t have numbers yet, make that your first change as a sober person: get to a meeting and meet some people who can talk you through the madness that is trying to convince you that you can control it.

Dee74

welcome back sunflower
Have you considered making a recovery action plan?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

it might just be the declaration of intent you need

D

Sunflower1964

I will look into this. Thank you so much. Struggling a lot today.

Dee74

Things will get better again

D

ChloeRose63

You are not alone. So many times I just wanted to have one drink on a nice sunny day. Well, I cannot have just one. I will binge for days until I run out or get sick of feeling and looking like hell. Then I start all over again.
Best thing to do is play the tape forward and remember that detoxing gets worse and worse each time.

icewater1961

You are the only one that can decide if this really is the day. Day one. I have had the most horrible DTs after several day ones and don't ever want to go there again, it is better to quit when you can! I was not able to until I hit rock bottom. Don't go there. Make this day your rebirth.

Sunflower1964

Thank you all for your messages. Yesterday was honestly hell. I've never been so sick in my life. I had serious diarrhea and vomiting and was in bed all day, along with chills and sweats. My husband thinks it was some kind of bug, I know it's my body telling me I've had too much and it's time to stop. I'm feeling much better today. Trying to forgive myself for doing this to my body, brain and spirit. It's day 2, and I think yesterday will remain in my mind for a very long time. I hope I haven't killed too many brain cells. If I ever get an urge for a drink, I will be on this site first. Thanks again.

doggonecarl

If so, you are lucky. Myself, I was the kind of drinker the the big book off AA talks about:

We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.

My addiction's greatest strength was it's ability to make me forget the past, or rationalize that the next time I drank, it would be different. If the misery of your last drunk can carry you through, good. But have a plan in place in case it doesn't. Posting here before you drink is a great strategy.

SurvivorK

That has been my biggest hiccup lately, my great ability to forget the past, or rationalize that the next time I drink, I will be a normal drinker, it will be different. And I forgot the times of chills, shaking, anxiety, and shame from a few week(s) past. Post here, and reach out if that is the case! Good for you on Day 2!!

tekink

It's really good to have a plan in place before the next sunny day comes up and pulls at your AV. What are you going to do the next time a nice day makes you want to drink?

I know that feeling, it took a lot of adjustments to get myself to a place where I could counter all those things that make me relapse and finally forming a plan on what to do in those situations before I'm faced with them was key to me finally making significant time sober.

Things do get better but it takes a long time. It's not easy and it doesn't come for free.

Sunflower1964

I know what you mean. As time goes by, we do seem to forget and think we can do it this time. I've been there several times. Next time, I will post here before I drink. Thanks!