Quit Again? - Hoping for Motivation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 34
Quit Again? - Hoping for Motivation
The first time I tried to get sober was over 10 years ago. That time lasted about 5 months. Since then I have had a couple of 2 or 3 month stints without drinking. Each time I "quit" and come back it seems like I drink even more and get sucked down even further. I lead a productive life and most people (I think or hope) have no clue that I drink as much as I do. I'm not sure today is the day I quit for good, but I'm hoping to find motivation to do so.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome to SR Sokatie. I think most of us find that each time we resume drinking after a period of sobriety, we find ourselves drinking as much or more than previously. Alcoholism, problem drinking, alcohol misuse (or whatever you want to call it) is progressive. I hope you find that you will want to quit for good.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Welcome! I experienced the same thing....my drinking get worse, sometimes much worse. As Rar pointed out, addiction is progressive.
I think my addiction also knew that an extinction event could happen...like me quitting. So it would hang on for dear life. My drinking morphed, I began going on 'benders'. Hiding, lying and drinking in secret. I would drink hard and fast because 'enjoying' a drink out in the open was not an option. That's when things began to get very dark....
I think my addiction also knew that an extinction event could happen...like me quitting. So it would hang on for dear life. My drinking morphed, I began going on 'benders'. Hiding, lying and drinking in secret. I would drink hard and fast because 'enjoying' a drink out in the open was not an option. That's when things began to get very dark....
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Second post this morning from someone seeking motivation to quit.
If you had your knees replaced, do you think the doctors would tell you to wait until you "feel" like doing therapy?...wait until you were motivated to walk?
No. They'd get you up and walking and doing physical therapy and push you through the discomfort and pain.
Same with recovery. Quit. Do it now. Don't wait for the lightening bolt of motivation. It may never come. And every day your addiction gets its hooks in you deeper and deeper.
If you had your knees replaced, do you think the doctors would tell you to wait until you "feel" like doing therapy?...wait until you were motivated to walk?
No. They'd get you up and walking and doing physical therapy and push you through the discomfort and pain.
Same with recovery. Quit. Do it now. Don't wait for the lightening bolt of motivation. It may never come. And every day your addiction gets its hooks in you deeper and deeper.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yeah, it's not even about motivation.
It's about being Done.
One decision, one day at a time, done.
You've tested your moderation thing, right? Sounds like it. We all did that too. It's a battle no one wins. Alcohol has a rock in its glove.
It's about being Done.
One decision, one day at a time, done.
You've tested your moderation thing, right? Sounds like it. We all did that too. It's a battle no one wins. Alcohol has a rock in its glove.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Hi and welcome sokatie 
The best motivation I can give you is I'm no longer ashamed when I look in the mirror.
I have no secrets, and I love my life and who I am.
I couldn't say that the 20 years I was drinking.
It won't all be smooth sailing, especially in the beginning, but its so so worth it - and support is everything.
I'm glad you found us
D
The best motivation I can give you is I'm no longer ashamed when I look in the mirror.
I have no secrets, and I love my life and who I am.
I couldn't say that the 20 years I was drinking.
It won't all be smooth sailing, especially in the beginning, but its so so worth it - and support is everything.
I'm glad you found us
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome Katie!
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it sounds like that's what you are experiencing. I hope that you make the choice to live a sober life. Thinking about stopping drinking can seem overwhelming, but you will be able to do it. It does take motivation, so I hope you continue to read and post and find that motivation.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it sounds like that's what you are experiencing. I hope that you make the choice to live a sober life. Thinking about stopping drinking can seem overwhelming, but you will be able to do it. It does take motivation, so I hope you continue to read and post and find that motivation.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 34
I guess I'm still trying to get enough resolve to make quitting this time last forever. For me right now, there are fewer consequences to drinking than there are for not drinking. I know that sounds strange, but when I am sober, I can't stand my husband who drinks and he has no desire to quit.
My drinking doesn't really seem to be causing adverse effects. No legal trouble, no work trouble. Deep down I know this isn't true, I know there are long-lasting problems from drinking and since it is progressive, there may be negative consequences in the future. But when weighing the current situation, often having a drink is better. I guess I have to find a reason to quit that is more important than day to day happiness.
I'd like to know what pushed people to their decision to quit?
My drinking doesn't really seem to be causing adverse effects. No legal trouble, no work trouble. Deep down I know this isn't true, I know there are long-lasting problems from drinking and since it is progressive, there may be negative consequences in the future. But when weighing the current situation, often having a drink is better. I guess I have to find a reason to quit that is more important than day to day happiness.
I'd like to know what pushed people to their decision to quit?
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Great points from Dee and Anna especially - we have the only disease that tells us it isn't one!
Have you heard about the "yets"? So many of us didn't have [any or all of the consequences or losses you mention]... YET. Until we DID. Some of us nearly lost ALL - like me, who would have died if I didn't stop- and others didn't think they lost much. Very rarely - some folks like a new sponsee I have- are incredibly smart and lucky to play the tape through to the YETS that could happen if they don't stop, and decide to quit.
I know I haven't heard anyone say their lives got better as they kept drinking. Most don't even say life stayed status quo. It just gets worse.
I also don't subscribe to the theory of "rock bottom" - that works for some people, but for me, there (should have been) so many that it became irrelevant: I just had to quit. My end point? I finally listened to the dr who told me I had a year, 18 mo if I didn't stop - I was 39 and am now going on 42 and 27 mo sober. I'd had drs tell me that 3-5 yrs earlier and disregarded it - why I heard it at long last I can only ascribe to being one extraordinarily fortunate, yet extraordinarily typical alcoholic who finally chose to quit drinking. That's it.
I hope you quit for good. Best to you- you can do it.
Have you heard about the "yets"? So many of us didn't have [any or all of the consequences or losses you mention]... YET. Until we DID. Some of us nearly lost ALL - like me, who would have died if I didn't stop- and others didn't think they lost much. Very rarely - some folks like a new sponsee I have- are incredibly smart and lucky to play the tape through to the YETS that could happen if they don't stop, and decide to quit.
I know I haven't heard anyone say their lives got better as they kept drinking. Most don't even say life stayed status quo. It just gets worse.
I also don't subscribe to the theory of "rock bottom" - that works for some people, but for me, there (should have been) so many that it became irrelevant: I just had to quit. My end point? I finally listened to the dr who told me I had a year, 18 mo if I didn't stop - I was 39 and am now going on 42 and 27 mo sober. I'd had drs tell me that 3-5 yrs earlier and disregarded it - why I heard it at long last I can only ascribe to being one extraordinarily fortunate, yet extraordinarily typical alcoholic who finally chose to quit drinking. That's it.
I hope you quit for good. Best to you- you can do it.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
It doesn't have to be a forever quit. Just this day quit.
I've had very toxic people in my life I had trauma bonds to. I didn't understand all that at first. I started seeing problems and prayed about it.
One day at a time, I was able to not have contact with those toxic people. I went through a ton of emotions and physical reactions. My brain and central nervous system had been greatly affected by abuse and trauma. I still didn't understand, yet I was trusting the process and reaching out for support in 12 step groups, therapy and domestic abuse help centers.
One day at a time of not having contact with what was hurting me. Getting through the first part was hardest. The first year was up and down. Sometimes my brain would have false memories of "good" times. Things keep improving.
Just.
This.
One.
Day.
I've had very toxic people in my life I had trauma bonds to. I didn't understand all that at first. I started seeing problems and prayed about it.
One day at a time, I was able to not have contact with those toxic people. I went through a ton of emotions and physical reactions. My brain and central nervous system had been greatly affected by abuse and trauma. I still didn't understand, yet I was trusting the process and reaching out for support in 12 step groups, therapy and domestic abuse help centers.
One day at a time of not having contact with what was hurting me. Getting through the first part was hardest. The first year was up and down. Sometimes my brain would have false memories of "good" times. Things keep improving.
Just.
This.
One.
Day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
For years I think I was also "searching for motivation", while at the same time knowing in my heart of hearts that I had to quit.
Looking for motivation is probably your addiction still being in control, making excuses etc.
Don't want to discourage you, and welcome to these boards. But I think you know you need to quit.
Looking for motivation is probably your addiction still being in control, making excuses etc.
Don't want to discourage you, and welcome to these boards. But I think you know you need to quit.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Originally Posted by sokatie 
I guess I'm still trying to get enough resolve to make quitting this time last forever. For me right now, there are fewer consequences to drinking than there are for not drinking. I know that sounds strange, but when I am sober, I can't stand my husband who drinks and he has no desire to quit.
My drinking doesn't really seem to be causing adverse effects. No legal trouble, no work trouble. Deep down I know this isn't true, I know there are long-lasting problems from drinking and since it is progressive, there may be negative consequences in the future. But when weighing the current situation, often having a drink is better. I guess I have to find a reason to quit that is more important than day to day happiness.
I'd like to know what pushed people to their decision to quit?
My drinking doesn't really seem to be causing adverse effects. No legal trouble, no work trouble. Deep down I know this isn't true, I know there are long-lasting problems from drinking and since it is progressive, there may be negative consequences in the future. But when weighing the current situation, often having a drink is better. I guess I have to find a reason to quit that is more important than day to day happiness.
I'd like to know what pushed people to their decision to quit?
Why are you asking for a reason to quit? Why not put the burden of proof on alcohol: Why are you drinking? What's the upside?
And by the way, if day to day happiness is not that important to you, then you are conning yourself. Say it out loud"My day to day happiness is not as important as my drinking." It doesn't sound right.
The good news is that it sounds like you're in the contemplation phase of change, when you weigh the pros/cons. I hope you find what you're looking for.
KP
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 34
Thanks for asking D. I'm back here. Yesterday was my official "quit" day, so today is day 2. Feeling a bit shaky and nervous which is one of my triggers. But my resolve is pretty strong right now and I am good for today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by sokatie
Thanks for asking D. I'm back here. Yesterday was my official "quit" day, so today is day 2. Feeling a bit shaky and nervous which is one of my triggers. But my resolve is pretty strong right now and I am good for today.
Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
yep... that's how it works.....
it gets harder and harder, we go deeper and deeper.....
the consequences get worse and worse...
we get stucker and stucker.
Good news though - all we have to do is CHOOSE sobriety and then ACT in support of that choice day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute at times.... and it's not easy, but it's that simple.
The other good news is that sobriety is like a rolling snowball on a snow-packy-perfect snowman-making day..... as it rolls, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger...... better and better and better.
It gains mass, momentum, and grows!!!
It's not going to feel like a struggle forever. I promise. It will get AWESOME.
it gets harder and harder, we go deeper and deeper.....
the consequences get worse and worse...
we get stucker and stucker.
Good news though - all we have to do is CHOOSE sobriety and then ACT in support of that choice day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute at times.... and it's not easy, but it's that simple.
The other good news is that sobriety is like a rolling snowball on a snow-packy-perfect snowman-making day..... as it rolls, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger...... better and better and better.
It gains mass, momentum, and grows!!!
It's not going to feel like a struggle forever. I promise. It will get AWESOME.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
