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welp...i just cried uncontrollably at work!

Old 05-21-2018, 01:31 PM
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welp...i just cried uncontrollably at work!

Hi guys,

I havent been on in a bit and needed to check in as today is a flippin weird one. I just hit 6months yesterday! Its funny how clock work recovery is sometimes. The last two weeks or so have been almost a self reflection type; thinking of how wrong i had it and **** ive done that i regret, married with some anxiety over it all. That leads me today, i had to go pick up lunch for the office a two separate restaurants and was having horrible anxiety just being in line at both of them ( felt like everyone was looking at me and knew i was having anxiety). Its nothing new with anxiety and the whole sober thing but things have been drastically better the last month or so. Either way, i got back to the office and got kind of teary eyed, excused myself, went to my office and just cried like a little baby for no good reason. I know its part of the process or what not but was curious if anyone can relate to this. Much love.

James
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Old 05-21-2018, 01:40 PM
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Hi James, It sounds like you're healing. In the past, when I've had episodes of uncontrollable crying it's usually followed by a calm, peacefulness, serenity and a deeper understanding of myself.

I think it's part of the process.

Best to you.
-sb
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Old 05-21-2018, 05:34 PM
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Sounds like you had a trying day Cobber. That's a valid reason to cry I reckon - even for us blokes

D
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Old 05-21-2018, 05:47 PM
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Cobber,

I relate. I get fed up w the unfair, preferred treatment I feel some foks seem to get in life.

I always try to take responsibility for my problems though. That way I have a chance to fix them.

I have been doing the same job for 22 years. You would think it would earn me respect from my boss. Nope. He treats new guys better than me.

I hate it. But, I have to remember I was a drunk for 90% of the time I knew him. I was disrespectful and inconsistent. Even though our relationship is better and I do better work, the rebuild probably is impossible.

I made my own bed.

Coming up with a reason that I can control, whether it is correct or not, solves the issue in my head....so I can at least sleep.

Sleeping makes a big difference in my perception.

Hope this helps in some way.

Thanks.
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Old 05-21-2018, 06:12 PM
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Can very much relate.

Grateful for the your courage to post this. It's living man.... such a wonderful thing. So nice to have emotions again instead of just being numb all the time - even if some of the emotions are weepy.

I had this moment after like my 3rd or 4th week - I was returning from a business trip. I was so saturated with sensation overload - a new client, people all around me at the airport, me getting past not stopping at the airport bar for the first time, etc. etc.. When I got to my vehicle I was digging into my pocket for my keys and it just came up on me and I stood there and wept. It was mostly a relief weep. But also just the weight I'd been carrying around.

It's good to be alive.

-B
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Old 05-21-2018, 06:16 PM
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I totally relate! I think its part of the healing process. I sure got that way sometimes and still do occasionally. It usually after i have been under a lot of stress or feeling more anxiety that usual. It kinda comes to a head and not alwase at the best time. It gets better though.
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Old 05-21-2018, 06:34 PM
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Thanks guys! Took the day and came home. I think just overload of trying to make sense of the last 10 years or so, seeing what i have now, having an old friend in for the weekend, and the anxiety of being in the F-ing restaurant was just all coming to an explosion. Im starting to realize that this big tough guy i thought i was or had others perceive who had no feelings or this or that, isn't me. So i guess to actually feel for once or to actually be cognizant of whats going on for once is just such a drastic change, its borderline overwhelming. If i step back and take a 1,000ft view at it, its quite amazing where I am at. I do more in a week now that i used to do in a month, my wife likes me, my kids want to be with me, apparently i am funny also without booze, just all of it is such a blessing my mind cant comprehend this new way of life i guess. I don't know, i'm rambling, i appreciate you all and hope that if theres one person who reads this, thats where i have been, in a valley over the last 6 months, gets that, if you put your head down and say f*ck you booze, you're not stealing me from life, its worth the ramble. Much love!
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Old 05-21-2018, 06:37 PM
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So well said mate. I swear I can relate to every word of it.

And yea... even on the days life sucks I try to remind myself that at least I'm feeling something... at least I give a ****. That black hole of alcohol induced denial and numbness... it's the very essence of evil.

Great stuff.
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