soberFitness

I had an ex girlfriend that I couldn’t picture life with or without
It was a nasty, long, drawn out breakup
I kept trying to force the relationship to work

I feel the exact same way about alcohol right now
You’d think that I would be able to apply the same lesson
—-

If I may, let me give you a quick glimpse into my current mindset

I’m 4 days sober. Did 7 months last year

I cannot realistically imagine a life of me successfully moderating longterm

But I KNOW I can moderate tonight
I really want a few beers
The fact that I know I can moderate tonight leads to the fact that I KNOW I could moderate this Friday
And probably next Friday
But I can’t forever

So I just want a few beers tonight
I don’t want to think about the future

I’m so stuck

Not sure what answer I expect
Just needed to vent
Thanks All

biminiblue

I think that's pretty much the conundrum of addiction. Ambivalence, bargaining, and fence-sitting. Eventually you have to go one way or the other. It doesn't get better on the drinking side.

It gets ten thousand percent better on the sober side. So there's that.

Anna

I was stuck for a long time, too and it wasn't pleasant. And, alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse unless you stop. I hope you decide to live a sober life.

dwtbd

Just because you want a few beers tonight or any other time doesn't mean you have to have them. It just means the desire for more booze is present. Quitting is not drinking in the presence of desire.
Desire isn't the downfall, indulging it is.

lessgravity

Moderation is the addict's Santa Claus - just doesn't exist.

catinsocks84

I'm not going to drink today. I can drink tomorrow or any other day. But not today.

Makes "never again" seem a little less scary to me.

thomas11

THe mental gymnastics that go into justifying our addiction(s) is exhausting. Once you accept/surrender and commit it actually becomes much easier. You accept the fight is over. But if you're not ready, the fight will continue.

soberFitness

I have to find a way to combat “well, I AM quitting but this is the last time, then I’m fully committed” I’ve “quit” 3 times in the past month

Nonsensical

Quitting is uncomfortable work.
Somehow I didn't know that the first couple hundred times I quit.

Your brain is about to spend the next few weeks telling you all kinds of lies to get you to try to drink again.
You will likely experience appropriate amounts of discomfort.

Once you get a taste of that freedom, though, you'll know it was all worth it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Zanna

Days 3 to 5 are notoriously tough, but get through those short few days and you'll feel SO much better, I promise
Hang in there x

doggonecarl

You made the decision to quit. You have to be committed to that decision.

And you stick to your commitment.

least

I've been drunk and I've been sober. Sober is way better.

AnvilheadII

LAST time was your last time.........there are far too many sad sad tales of folks who thinks they can push their luck, do just one more and never make it back.

i bet if you got out a pencil and piece of paper and a calculator, you could quickly add up how many beers you've had in the last month/year/decade. and it's probably a decent total. you'd HAVE enough. the mind-F stuff is really a poor waste of time. think of the wasted hours trying to twist it all around to make it somehow OK.
and for what? is there some big payoff on the other side??? NO.

NO ONE needs alcohol to live.
Air and Water yes.
Booze, nyet.

Hevyn

Hi soberFitness. I certainly understand your thinking - been there many times.

I found that the few nights I was able to moderate were very dangerous. I was encouraged to continue drinking because I could point to having a successful evening. I was able to do it for a short time, but in the end I found myself drinking every night. My tolerance was huge - it took a lot of alcohol to give me the numb feeling I craved. (It seems so sad to me now.) I'm so glad to be free of the whole ridiculous mess.

soberFitness

Unfortunately
I have failed you all
And myself
And for that I feel regret

I have had a drink
I am “celebrating” a great accomplishment at work today

Drinking feels hollow, mechanical even

I hope tmmr is my final day 1
I might start keeping Antabuse in my work cabinet to kill the mental obsession when it arises

My sister had also agreed to be my “temporary sponsor” until I find someone I click with

I’m sorry I failed. Again. I feel like I’m insulting all those who took the time to give advice

Hevyn

You didn't fail - you're one step closer to doing this. Sometimes we need further proof that it's no longer fun, relaxing, or needed in our life.

InApickle

Can’t picture life with her or without her
Alcohol and her are connected

Once you picture life without her things will get easier!


I had an ex girlfriend that I couldn’t picture life with or without
It was a nasty, long, drawn out breakup
I kept trying to force the relationship to work

Alcohol helps cushion the blows and tones down the energy levels committed into finding a way to making it work, if only for a few hours of peace.

I feel the exact same way about alcohol right now
You’d think that I would be able to apply the same lesson

You Will, once you realise the connection!
—-

If I may, let me give you a quick glimpse into my current mindset

I’m 4 days sober. Did 7 months last year

I cannot realistically imagine a life of me successfully moderating longterm.

Then don't pressure yourself into the commitment, that's the same pressure you put on yourself making the relationship work!

But I KNOW I can moderate tonight

And I feel you will

I really want a few beers
The fact that I know I can moderate tonight leads to the fact that I KNOW I could moderate this Friday

And moderation is the key, many can't moderate and I was one of them!

And probably next Friday
But I can’t forever

How long is forever?
Us humans seem to worry about all the time that does not exist, yesterday, last year, next month, next year. Try concentrating on the now. Forget the rest of time it doesn't exist!

So I just want a few beers tonight
I don’t want to think about the future

The same peace the alcohol gave you within the relationship, but again, the future does not exist!

I’m so stuck

Not as stuck as you are believing, only you can apply the pressure in your mind, but I feel you have connected the dots already, now it's just a matter of looking at the picture!

Not sure what answer I expect

Not sure what answer you wanted but wish you well!

Just needed to vent

totfit

The struggle to moderate really gets miserable even when you are mostly successful. At least if moderating is a struggle for you. I never had a chance of even short term moderation, so that is a moot point. But finally for me through all the struggles, bouts of long term sobriety or really bouts of short term relapses, I thought, "what's the point?" I have just gone on from there. Drinking for me is just nonsense. It is too much work for me to drink and too much work and impossible for me to moderate. I will leave alcohol to those that can enjoy it. I just really can't tolerate it. That is what I tell anyone that asks and pretty much explains it.

MissPerfumado

This analogy you have drawn between alcohol and bad relationships is an instructive one but not complete (IMHO).

Walking away from the nastiest relationship I have ever been in allowed me to access reserves I didn't know I had. From there I grew truly independent, which I define as the ability to emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and financially nourish myself. And from that place I developed the ability to be in a balanced and healthy relationship, because I became a "whole" person...not looking for someone else to complete me but to complement me.

When I drew a line with alcohol, I had to apply some of the same thinking: the sense of finding the comfort and strength within myself and not looking elsewhere for it. But that self-sufficiency is its own reward, and it's a really pure reward. There is no better relationship to be had with something else, some higher substitute for alcohol. Instead you taste a happiness that comes from the wellspring of your own soul.

True freedom.

BDTL

Quit deciding to fail and choose to win! Make your mind up that you are never looking back and then succeed and be proud.