I think Im getting the hang of this
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
I think Im getting the hang of this
After many many start and stops I think I am finally getting the hang of it.
I have had a lot of practice doing things sober, 5 months, 2 months, 3 weeks etc., I have also gone to my bachelorette and bridal shower sober, and had a great time.
Until we went to my wedding and we had business class free booze... luckily nothing bad happened at wedding and it was all good.. but I still just dont want to drink anymore I hate the anxiety and depression and I know its not long until I black out and hate myself again.
I recently realized my biggest issue is I am a big people pleaser, and I have a really hard time at not doing what every one else is doing, or wanting to fit in. I realize this is a big facet to me caving in social situations. I also realize I need to put my sobriety above anything else, before I had one foot in, one foot out so to speak, still putting other people above my sobriety.
This time I am not doing that. I have started to see a therapist to work on some issues I have and I am starting to get to the roots of why i drink.
This past weekend, I was invited to a birthday party that before, I would have gone to even though I was dreading it because my friend would make me feel rude for not going. This time instead of working myself up and just going to please other people. I simply said no thanks we are lazy.
And NO ONE DIED, or hated me! LOL
Baby steps!
I have had a lot of practice doing things sober, 5 months, 2 months, 3 weeks etc., I have also gone to my bachelorette and bridal shower sober, and had a great time.
Until we went to my wedding and we had business class free booze... luckily nothing bad happened at wedding and it was all good.. but I still just dont want to drink anymore I hate the anxiety and depression and I know its not long until I black out and hate myself again.
I recently realized my biggest issue is I am a big people pleaser, and I have a really hard time at not doing what every one else is doing, or wanting to fit in. I realize this is a big facet to me caving in social situations. I also realize I need to put my sobriety above anything else, before I had one foot in, one foot out so to speak, still putting other people above my sobriety.
This time I am not doing that. I have started to see a therapist to work on some issues I have and I am starting to get to the roots of why i drink.
This past weekend, I was invited to a birthday party that before, I would have gone to even though I was dreading it because my friend would make me feel rude for not going. This time instead of working myself up and just going to please other people. I simply said no thanks we are lazy.
And NO ONE DIED, or hated me! LOL
Baby steps!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Excellent!
I was a people-pleaser too and it caused problems for me. Oprah calls it 'the disease to please' and it was for me. Like you, I found so much empowerment in being able to say 'No' and realizing the world kept turning.
I was a people-pleaser too and it caused problems for me. Oprah calls it 'the disease to please' and it was for me. Like you, I found so much empowerment in being able to say 'No' and realizing the world kept turning.
good for you icandothis Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Ican,
Great post!
Ime...wanting to quit drinking and understanding what booze does/has done to me are the battle parameters.
I don't usually have to fight, but when the crave is strong I know what the moves are.
Sounds like u do as well.
I wish I was more of a people pleaser sometimes. I can totally be the opposite and it has hurt me here and there over the years.
Thanks.
Great post!
Ime...wanting to quit drinking and understanding what booze does/has done to me are the battle parameters.
I don't usually have to fight, but when the crave is strong I know what the moves are.
Sounds like u do as well.
I wish I was more of a people pleaser sometimes. I can totally be the opposite and it has hurt me here and there over the years.
Thanks.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by Anna 
Excellent!
I was a people-pleaser too and it caused problems for me. Oprah calls it 'the disease to please' and it was for me. Like you, I found so much empowerment in being able to say 'No' and realizing the world kept turning.
I was a people-pleaser too and it caused problems for me. Oprah calls it 'the disease to please' and it was for me. Like you, I found so much empowerment in being able to say 'No' and realizing the world kept turning.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by D122y
Ican,
Great post!
Ime...wanting to quit drinking and understanding what booze does/has done to me are the battle parameters.
I don't usually have to fight, but when the crave is strong I know what the moves are.
Sounds like u do as well.
I wish I was more of a people pleaser sometimes. I can totally be the opposite and it has hurt me here and there over the years.
Thanks.
Great post!
Ime...wanting to quit drinking and understanding what booze does/has done to me are the battle parameters.
I don't usually have to fight, but when the crave is strong I know what the moves are.
Sounds like u do as well.
I wish I was more of a people pleaser sometimes. I can totally be the opposite and it has hurt me here and there over the years.
Thanks.
Isnt is weird how different we can all be, but at the same time so similar?!
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
icandothis you are doing EXACTLY the right thing putting your sobriety before everything else. It is absolutely essential to achieving long term sobriety.
Sobriety brings with it an absolute freedom. Freedom to say yes and also freedom to say no!
One thing I try to stop myself doing is use the word "should" and replace it with "choose to". Puts a positive spin on the decisions we make.
Great job and I love your positivity!
Sobriety brings with it an absolute freedom. Freedom to say yes and also freedom to say no!
One thing I try to stop myself doing is use the word "should" and replace it with "choose to". Puts a positive spin on the decisions we make.
Great job and I love your positivity!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by joandmelandhan
icandothis you are doing EXACTLY the right thing putting your sobriety before everything else. It is absolutely essential to achieving long term sobriety.
Sobriety brings with it an absolute freedom. Freedom to say yes and also freedom to say no!
One thing I try to stop myself doing is use the word "should" and replace it with "choose to". Puts a positive spin on the decisions we make.
Great job and I love your positivity!
Sobriety brings with it an absolute freedom. Freedom to say yes and also freedom to say no!
One thing I try to stop myself doing is use the word "should" and replace it with "choose to". Puts a positive spin on the decisions we make.
Great job and I love your positivity!
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