eyes99

I’m still over here ping-ponging. My drinking has come waaaayyy down, but I can’t seem to find the right recipe to stop completely. I drink one day a week now, always to get drunk. I then go to bed, sleep lousy, and have a terrible next day. I hate it.

But it seems like 4 days in, the craving starts, then there are another few days where I frantically try to fight it, going to AA, listening to AA speakers on YouTube, coming here, etc. Then I break. Rinse, repeat.

Does anyone have any ideas? I need help. I have to get off this merry-go-round.

tomsteve

good on ya for going to meetings. something to look into from the program of AA:
here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery:

might be wise to get a sponsor and start workin the steps,eh?

SaturatedSeize

Sounds like Day 3/4 is your breaking point. So you can prepare for your next day 3/4. Make plans those days, do something different. Mentally prepare yourself for those cravings. Make sure there isn't any booze in the house. Take different paths to/from work to avoid certain areas. Be with supportive and sober friends/family. Be honest with these people so they can be there for you when you need it. Work out that day, go for a run/walk/job. It's always easier for me to stay sober when I have a good workout as it elevates my mood significantly.

You get 3 days to prepare for one tough fight, take advantage of that.

Good luck!

thomas11

I believe there is a cycle we get used to. I was a daily drinker and then switched to weekend warrior (similar to what you are doing). It was worse than drinking daily, because I would try to squeeze a weeks worth of drinking into 3 days.

Breaking that cycle is difficult, but can be done as witnessed here on this site every day.

doggonecarl

Have you accepted never drinking again? Committed to it? Or are you still clinging to the pipe dream of "normal" drinking, or rather, an acceptable level of drunkenness?

Because if you are leaving the door open to drinking, even a crack, you'll drink.

eyes99

I think that I had decided deep down that I could get drunk every now and then. It’s just a slip, right? My denial runs deep.

There are substances that I would never ever touch. I’ve never even tried any sort of drug (well, marijuana 4 times in my life and I never did like it). It’s just a non-starter for me. I need to put alcohol in that category. And some days it feels like it is. Then those other days come and I start rationalizing.

slipnslide

This is my problem too. The denial. Except instead of 3-4 days mine is more like every 3-4 weeks. I think yea. I can handle this. And I will drink normally and moderately 2-3-4x. And then bam. I get drunk. And stop drinking all over again for... you guessed it... 3-4 weeks.

daredevil

I was stuck in that same cycle ('6 nips' as you mentioned elsewhere, every 7-10 days) for months. It's a difficult one to get out of, especially if you believe in the merits of sporadic intoxication, which you seem to do. When I was doing it, I saw nothing wrong with it (and, like you, it didn't seem too bad as compared to doing substantially more than that nightly).

Too much headspace, too much aggravation, too much thinking, about drinking and not drinking, counting up to double-digit days but never getting there.

Life is much simpler without it.

ScottFromWI

There's your answer. You need to decide/accept deep down that drinking even one sip of alcohol is never an option - ever. It's not an easy thing to do, but it's definitely possible.

Anna

Yeah, it takes total commitment. For me, when I finally decided I would never drink again, no matter what, my mind began to work in healthier ways to help me deal with daily life. Really, there is no way around it, but to go through it. Get through the cravings and they will diminish and disappear.

CRRHCC

Have you ever thought deeply about, "Why," you drink, the reasons for your drinking? In my experience, addictions always serve an emotional purpose. Reasons for drinking are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness about whatever in my life makes me feel overwhelmingly trapped.
What about you?

Dee74

I think if on some level you still think getting drunk every so often is viable, you're really going to struggle to quit for good Eyes.

When I quit I really had to work hard to stay sober,
What kind of effort are you putting into staying sober?

D

eyes99

I feel like I’m putting in effort to break through the denial and stay sober. I see a therapist once a week and have worked on my childhood issues. I got to AA several times a week. I’m on SR every day. I’ve read at least 20 memoirs, watched every movie, listen to AA speakers on YouTube. I’m trying to throw the kitchen sink at this thing, but my stinking thinking keeps jumping in. I got a sponsor in AA, she went ghost on me (she had some family issues going on), then I asked two more women, neither of whom were taking new sponsees. I’m trying - I’m just out of ideas.

Dee74

Maybe making an action plan for that 'stinking thinking' might help.
what can you do about cravings - some great ideas here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

when you go to AA do you try and connect with people, get some face to face help?

do you have numbers of people to call when you need help?

do you post here before you drink - and not just one post, but stick around to read replies?

I'm not beating up on you but I reckon each of us can come up with 3 or 4 halfway decent strategies to use when the ol' AV starts squawking...

here's some more ideas on action plans:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

D

Caralara144

When I quit I was serious about quitting
I didn't WANT to drink anymore
I pushed myself on with willpower and dire determination
Yes I've come through tough days and tougher nights but I keep strong in the fact everyday I'm winning and Alcohol isn't
It's crazy what your mind can do if you have the right mindset
Wishing you all the luck in the world
Cara

D122y

Eye,

Ime...it is all about suffering. When the crave strikes I suffer.

Eating helps. Sweets helps. Sweets give me after effects, like a hangover, but not as bad.

I used to curl up in a ball and wimper. Now I sort of deep breath and get through.

I am a non drinker and very proud.

Thanks.

Renvate

my experience and stages were:

2 weeks sober THEN

6 pack every Friday to moderate and be "normal" THEN

2 six packs every working week THEN

2 six packs every working week PLUS binge on the weekend THEN

2 bottles of wine per night and then 50 beers for the weekend and Monday was no way going to be a day off from drinking! THEN

i was lying here on this table 2 weeks ago realizing ill probably die if I keep this up.


TODAY - i know i cant moderate or have a single sip of alcohol, its totally out of my control.

AAPJ

Looks like you have tried a lot of good things to get sober and so far limited results. Maybe it's as simple as reading your own words over and over. I hope this helps.