MamaKlaus

I need to quit drinking more than ever. I continually make a fool of myself. Start arguments with family etc. I feel like I’m the only who does this. I never read about anyone else making a complete tool of themselves. I don’t know how I will ever move past the embarrassment of the things I have said and done. Probably why I keep drinking because I hate myself so much. I have periods of sobriety and they were the best times. But then I never make it past four months. I get restless and bored and end up drinking again. I feel like I’m just a hopeless alcoholic. I’ll be 40 in a year and I’ve wasted my life drinking heavily since my early 20’s. I don’t know what to do anymore. My anxiety will kill me before anything.

Ladysadie

Re-design your life. Ask yourself what you want your life to look like, then start moving towards your goals. Do you have any interests? List them. I always check out the Community Learning at our local college for classes in art, health, etc. Just for today don't drink. One day at a time Mama. Build on that. Put the money you'd be spending on booze into developing your self. Drinking away your life is a pathetic path. Go to AA meeting if you find you need additional support. Your life is up to you.

MamaKlaus

Thank you Ladysadie. You are absolutely right. It’s just getting out of this sad depressed state and doing it. I was working on my Masters Deggree this year when things took a downward curve with my daughter’s health, which in turn led me back to drinking and putting my degree in the back burner. No excuse I know, I just do not have a healthy way to handle stress. I need to find an outlet. I literally feel I have no willpower. I’ve done it before though.

wynwrights

Embarrassing yourself in front of friends, family, strangers and everyone else in between is part and parcel of being a problem drinker. Every single person on this site will have made a show of themselves at some point or another — or repeatedly — during the periods that they drink or that they drank. Alcohol makes idiots of everyone. But! The minute you stop drinking and stay stopped, your behaviour will start to improve and that improved behavior should allow you to start re-establishing yourself in the eyes of those people in front of whom you feel you’ve behaved so badly. Carry on drinking, however, and you’re stuck with the same dreary, miserable status quo.

You can do this. Alcohol is evidently not helping you: in fact, it’s doing you harm. Just stop drinking and things will start to get better; you’ve had periods of sobriety before, and so you presumably know that things do improve. It all starts with the decision not to drink. My best to you.

wynwrights

I’d also like to add this. I’m closing in on four months sober myself and I can tell you that things are getting harder at this point. Others on this site and elsewhere report similar experiences. It’s interesting you say you can make it to around this kind of time before starting to drink again: maybe we both need to keep it at the forefront of our minds that sobriety is not a walk in the park, and tough times are to be expected. It’s got to be better, though, that the miserable, limited life that results from booze, right?

esymarieb

Hey MamaKlaus last week I was feeling just the same as you. I couldn't understand why I was behaving the way I was, why I was slowly poisoning myself to death and on the brink of losing many things. I felt totally lost, out of control, hopeless. Reading around this site has helped me a lot, helped me remember the time I quit for nearly 5 years and that eventually you do claw your way out of it.

esymarieb

I read this thread.... https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?) and found it useful. I followed the links and made some plans. So what will I say/do when the AV comes knocking. It has helped so far, it may help you.

Anna

I was caught up in the vicious cycle of drinking/shame/more drinking, too. It's a horrible situation to be in, and I think you really need to reach and step out of it. You will be able to deal with the guilt and you can learn to deal with negative emotions as you move on with your sober life.

Fly N Buy

When I reached the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired I realized reached out for help - not only from the fine folks on SR but in the rooms of A.A. It was there I learned from other alcoholics how they stay sober.

After decades of drinking I have almost 4 years of sobriety. Nothing special - tried on my own many times. Finally made a decision and took the action that was necessary for me.

You don’t have to drink and can learn how to not regret the past. Really.

Bird615

Shame and embarrassment were some of the things that kept me drinking in a hopeless effort to forget. All that ever accomplished were even more things to feel awful about. I always thought I drank because I hated myself, but when I stopped, I came to see that it was actually the other way around. With sobriety and a program of recovery, I didn't hate myself anymore.

Accepting that getting sober was going to be tough helped me to be prepared and be more able to get through those tough times. They never lasted; I just had to be patient. Drinking for relief from discomfort was always something I regretted, so I learned to ride it out and/or to find other ways of coping.

For me, just not drinking never worked; I had to have help. My main way of getting and staying sober was through AA, and other people find other ways to help themselves.

Renvate

It's doable just look at all the people that were at the end, and still successfully stopped drinking and made a new life.

These examples alone gives me the drive to know that it's very doable, and beatable. It only requires abit of hardwork.

Tbh being hungover everyday and trying to Exist is harder then too trying to stay sober.