slipnslide

I’ve posted sporadically over the years. Because I’m a typically controlled and infrequent drinker. But then I will have these moments when I go overboard and say/do things I regret. Even when bad things don’t even happen. Worst that happened last night is I have a 9min conversation with my ex husband about my son’s summer plans and I don’t remember the details. My kids were dressed, fed, properly put to bed. Told them I loved them, made myself some ramen, went to bed by10:30. Yet here I am... treating myself as if I burned the house down and all sorts of other bad stuff :-/ I feel that lack in control over alcohol is unacceptable and I hate myself right now. Ugh.

Renvate

sporadically, overboard, regret, Hate myself.

The vocabulary is a reflection of what alcohol makes you truly feel.

I know because those 5 words were a few of the many alcohol related words I could describe myself. I know stopping can be hard, especially when deep in your mind it has tricked you to thinking it's the only source if happiness.

Nonsensical

Can you trust someone when they say they love you if they don't love themselves?

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

FreeOwl

I’m glad to have those things behind me.....

In sobriety this sort of situation simply never happens for me. In my drinking life it happened plenty.

For me, There were no ‘upsides’ of alcohol that could hold a candle to the downsides.

AnvilheadII

I feel that lack in control over alcohol is unacceptable and I hate myself right now.

why not just remove alcohol from your life? then there are no nights you can't remember, no worry about what you might have done while your children slept, no self loathing.

Dee74

I agree with Anvil slipnslide.

Trying to keep alcohol in my life was tortuous. Letting go of that dream - admitting I had a toxic relationship with alcohol & I had to stop drinking if I wanted things to change - was freeing, and relieving.

D

least

If you get sober you'll never have to feel this way again.

slipnslide

How do you break the cycle: I feel like this today bc the drinks caught up with my yesterday. And I’ll remember this until the next time we go somewhere where alcohol is present. And I’ll have one or 2. Maybe 3. But stop. And do that again and again and again until that one time I DONT stop. And I’m right back here again. How do I stop this cycle. I know not drinking at all. But it’s so easy to get sucked into the one or two when everyone else around you is drinking, you love the taste... it’s a social thing. Ya know? Or do I just sound pathetic?

fini

no, you don't sound pathetic.
you sound like someone who knows they don't have control yet isn't willing to forego the times where it works out okay.
hating myself for unacceptable lack of control and attempting for years and years to control it by all kinds of schemes and plans and timetables and rules......yep. hell.
the only way to break the cycle is to stop.
how to help you do that is a different question.
look around here, see what routes the longer-sober people who mostly sound even- handed and okay or better with themselves and their lives....see what routes they have followed and follow one of those routes.

JK130

Well, the concept of not drinking is certainly easy. Doing it is definitely not. It really doesn't matter what the social situation is, or what others are doing/drinking since they're not responsible for your life or your children's safety. The harsh words you use to describe yourself...you can turn that around! You can be the confident, centered, in-control person you wish to be, and deserve to be. Don't let alcohol take that away from you! Keep chatting here...we've been there/done that, and are on your side!