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6 months and barely hanging on

Old 05-12-2018, 03:54 PM
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6 months and barely hanging on

Hi family. 6 months today and I should go to a meeting but am finding myself in a funk. I have truly felt great during my 6 months but for some reason I'm struggling. Very anxious!! Just looking from my apt at all of the people at the pool enjoying their drinks and each other. I feel like my life is passing me by. I don't want to be a dry drunk!! I hate feeling this way.
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Old 05-12-2018, 04:08 PM
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Hey Scotty.......I am speaking on Day 2 from a relapse after 112 days. I rationalized my drinking and at the time, it seemed worth it. Out of (I think) 9 days, I was sober for 3 of them. I didn't think I would have much of a withdrawal from drinking maybe 6 of those days. I couldn't have been more wrong. I am miserable - horribly depressed because I disappointed myself. I'm also suffering from significant anxiety which is affecting my breathing. Not good things! I want my 112 days back!!!

I get where you're coming from. I really do. I was there a few days ago and chose to drink. Please, please don't drink.

You did great posting first. I didn't and I knew better. Stay strong. It will pass and tomorrow you will have saved your awesome sobriety. ((HUGS))
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Old 05-12-2018, 04:16 PM
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Hi Scotty - welcome

If you think/feel you should go to a meeting -go.
nip this off at the bud.

Play the tape through to the end. Happy shiny drinks at the pool is not where drinkers like you and I end up.

D
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Old 05-12-2018, 04:18 PM
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When I was struggling in early recovery, it was suggested that I start practicing gratitude every day. I did, tho it was hard at first, and it really helped my sobriety, and indeed, my whole life.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
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Old 05-12-2018, 04:21 PM
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Hi, Scotty

6 months of recovery is great. There are bound to be some down times, but maybe there are some lifestyle changes you can make to help. Have you gotten involved in any new activities? I hope you can find some fun and enjoyable things to do.
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Old 05-12-2018, 04:34 PM
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Welcome to SR, Scotty, and congratulations on six months of sobriety. Well done.

Going to a meeting may help you get out of that funk. Why not give it a try?
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Old 05-12-2018, 05:05 PM
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Thanks for your encouragemen and yes a meeting is in order tonight! I guess I'm also going through the anxiety of being back in my home with my wife (29 yrs) and kids after being gone for 4 mths in treatment. Wife has really cut back on her drinking, but still does a little. Kind of concerned I see that she hides her alcohol around the house. She and her family want me to go to a big mothers day gathering with them. Most of them support me. Problem is the party is at my brother in laws house and they aren't supportive. In my opinion huge hypocritical alcoholics themselves.
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Old 05-12-2018, 05:12 PM
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I understand your concern, Scotty, that your wife is hiding her alcohol around the house. Do you think that she is hiding it because she doesn't want to trigger you or because she has a real issue with alcohol.

Do you have a Plan B for the party tomorrow? Would your wife feel bad if you didn't attend or if you drove separately so that you could leave early if things became uncomfortable?
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Old 05-12-2018, 05:13 PM
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I cant tell you what to do Scotty but me?

I would pass on anything right now if I thought there was the slightest chance I will drink.

D
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Old 05-12-2018, 05:20 PM
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Have you been attending an IOP or daily AA meetings since leaving treatment? If not I think it would be a very good idea, especially when those around you are still drinking.
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Old 05-12-2018, 05:26 PM
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Yeah, sobriety is Job #1 right now.

I'd say if you don't want to go - for any reason, but especially because you just got home from treatment and I'm sure don't need any stress - if you don't want to go, don't go.

Lots of things will need to be different now, right? May as well kick it off!
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Old 05-12-2018, 05:27 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberLeigh View Post
I understand your concern, Scotty, that your wife is hiding her alcohol around the house. Do you think that she is hiding it because she doesn't want to trigger you or because she has a real issue with alcohol.

Do you have a Plan B for the party tomorrow? Would your wife feel bad if you didn't attend or if you drove separately so that you could leave early if things became uncomfortable?
She doesn't want to trigger me but she has had a problem and has a hard time accepting that. I've learned that's her sobriety and it's separate from mine. I can be support her, but have made it clear I have to be sober or I will die.

I'm feeling pressure to go so I will. As the big book says trying to alter or avoid the drinking lifestyle is doomed to fail. I think I should confront the experience and being a 1 car family (mine was repossessed) i have a plan to leave if it gets crazy.
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Old 05-12-2018, 11:52 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottyB View Post
I'm feeling pressure to go so I will.
Don't do it. You'll also feel pressure to drink, and it will become a nightmare.
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Old 05-13-2018, 12:13 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottyB View Post
She doesn't want to trigger me but she has had a problem and has a hard time accepting that. I've learned that's her sobriety and it's separate from mine. I can be support her, but have made it clear I have to be sober or I will die.

I'm feeling pressure to go so I will. As the big book says trying to alter or avoid the drinking lifestyle is doomed to fail. I think I should confront the experience and being a 1 car family (mine was repossessed) i have a plan to leave if it gets crazy.
Yes I know that quote. Any attempt to shield the alcoholic from temptation is doomed to failure. But there is a certain amount of context to be taken into account. There is another one, something like “ do not hesitate to go into the most sordid place on earth if you Han be helpful...keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.

These sort of passages are a fair way into the book and the steps. They assume the alcoholic has worked the steps and had the resulting spiritual experience which in turn delivers an effective 24/7 defence against the fatal first drink.

There are also passages like “ if you are feeling shaky, best go work with another alcoholic instead”. In your initial post you sounded shaky to me. 4 month rehab, two months out, and my guess would be not much action on the steps. There are some things you need to be doing. Putting yourself at unnecessary risk isn’t one of them.
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Old 05-13-2018, 01:41 AM
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Wanting to drink

Six months is awesome. There are people here who want to help. I am on day 3 . Would love to be where you are now.

Godspeed my friend. KIITD
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Old 05-13-2018, 01:48 AM
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Hi Scotty, think about the fun things you enjoy doing sober. Think about all the fun things you could do sober. 6 months is brilliant, it's so worth hanging onto.

I did 11 months then went back to drinking cos I thought it would 'put some sparkle into my life'. Yeah right, the misery quickly returned. From the very next day.

You can translate the word 'sparkle' into 'instant cheap hit'.

Keep posting, I find it helps no end.
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Old 05-13-2018, 03:52 AM
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I can't recall reading in the big book that it was a good idea to go hang with slippery people in slippery places when you're struggling.

Not trying to change other people's drinking doesn't mean pulling up a ringside seat and getting as good a view of it as possible. Sometimes it needs to just be an acceptance that others will do what they're going to do, and that might be at odds with recovery so we need to act responsibly and stay away from situation that could be dangerous to us.

I reckon that at this point, if I was feeling like a dry drunk, I'd call in sick to that gig and hit a meeting instead.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery (both of which only start at rehab), whatever you decide about the party.

BB
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Old 05-13-2018, 04:02 AM
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Good Morning Scotty. How are you doing today?
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Old 05-13-2018, 05:07 AM
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Hi Scotty, I hope you're feeling better today.
I can't offer much advice as I'm only on day 4 but everyone here is very helpful as you know. My two cents- You've mentioned that you feel as though life is passing you by. I get it, I've felt that way too before. But I've come to realize in my early sobriety that the only time that life was passing me by is when I had a drink in my hand.

Congratulations on making 6 months, I've never made it that far. You can keep going.
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Old 05-13-2018, 05:46 AM
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Hi Scotty I felt some of the same feelings recently. I felt awful yesterday it was everywhere. We were at our friends she was having wine. The neighbors were all out doing their yard work, the one neighbor was having a few and Dh decided to have a beer while we were redoing a retaining wall. The lady at the grocery store put my Italian soda in a wine bag...

However at 7pm when I was still powering away at yard work and Dh had one beer and got back to work, I was struck by what a beautiful evening it was and where was everyone else? Then I remembered day drinking for me led to missing evenings, possibly this was happening to others. First really great weekend on the lake I was truly happy that moment. Happy for the sore back, happy my yard was looking awesome, at least the front and happier still I was sober enough to enjoy it. Hang in there. Everyday builds new sober muscles.
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