Kejun

So as I progress on my quest to remain sober, I have transformed my life and thrown in numerous positives. Proud about it.

Question for me is this:

Due to the mistakes I made when drinking, hurting people I care about (especially the girl - we havent spoken since january), I cant help but feel as though my happiness is always sort of short-lived. As though I cant let go of the mistakes, I know that is the point of the serenity prayer and other passages, but the guilt remains.

The happiness is tempered and the mistakes I made are/remain my undoing. Can anyone relate to this?

I am working the steps, I have a sponsor and I know patience is part of it, just wanted any views/opinions and would be thankful for them!

FreeOwl

getting past this stuff isn't the point of the serenity prayer....

it's the point of steps 4-12.

Keep going.

FreeOwl

oh... PS: Happiness IS ALWAYS SHORT-LIVED.

We are human beings.

Human beings have emotions.

Emotions are like the weather.

They change and morph and always shift.

But, yeah..... the steps.

Keep going.

DontRemember

Instant gratification is what we seeked while drinking. Work your steps and be completely honest on each one.

entropy1964

I know when I do esteemable things, I slowly build esteem. I get out what I put in. Time helps heal the best. And when you reach the 9th step, you'll be ready.

I was thinking today about how my life is so, um, uneventful. That I'm just kind of plunking along. Parenting, working out, house work/yard work, financial providing, exercise. Oh and a healthy dose of reading and TV. Some AA meetings, SR. I felt so inadequate....asking myself "Am I happy?". And I realize that that doesn't matter. I'm good. I'm sober. My daughter is doing great. My life will change when she goes off to college in a year. For now, this is good.

If I'm sober and I'm at peace, that is all I can ask for. Anything else is just icing on the cake.

lessgravity

Seems like everyone else is speaking about what you feel through working the steps. I can't speak to AA, but good for you for doing what works.

Instead I will say that i think your guilt is something you should feel good about, not dwell in. To me it shows that you have empathy and regret for the things that you did that hurt others and you aren't proud of. That's admirable, and human.

Though I do think that we have to learn to live with regrets in ways that don't thwart our living better lives. ie I think it's the AV voice that tells me "Why are you trying again to be sober, never worked for you before" and "Why try and be a better, sober father, you've already messed up your son being a drunk dad. Just stay that way!" etc.

Good for you for wanting to be a better man. Stay with it. I bet you will find the answers yourself for the questions you are asking.

Thanks for posting.

Dee74

I had a lot of guilt and shame. I obsessed on it to the point of self indulgence.

I found being of service to others helped me deal with that guilt and see it in perspective.

I focus on today now rather than yesterday.

I'm not saying service work is the answer for you, just that it was for me - I had to find a reason to go on, rather than always looking back and something I couldn't change.

D