PlantsVorganic514

I started a thread a couple months ago about a very traumatic out of the blue breakup I went through with my AXGF. I am trying my best to move on and work through my pain of how she treated me in the breakup. I have left her alone and anytime I have reached out to coordinate exchanging things, I have been cordial and kind while she’s been aggressive and mean.

Lately every single person in her life has started blocking me on all social media channels etc. I have not reached out to her close friends at all whatsoever and I have not posted about our breakup on social media. So many people in her life making an effort to block me leads me to believe that she is spreading misinformation about me. It’s extremely hurtful bc throughout the entirety of our relationship and this breakup I have tried my best to remain gentle and kind ensuring her sobriety comes first.

The thought of her speaking ill of me to the degree that people in her life assume I mistreated her really brings me a lot of pain and makes me feel very gaslit. On the other hand none of my friends or family have blocked her or removed her from social media channels as I have not asked them to do so and think these aggressive actions are wholly unnecessary despite how unkind she’s been. Is this normal behavior? I feel gaslit and very hurt.

AnvilheadII

i don't think this can be laid at the feet of the disease of alcoholism, but instead on the person....you previously described her as very selfish, demanding, and ultimately downright mean. having her and her ilk out of your life is a GOOD thing. being blocked by a few people on social media isn't a bad thing. don't take it as such. just do your best to move forward and onto better, happier things!

biminiblue

What Anvil said.

Also, why don't you just remove them from your social media? No sense annoying yourself with all this.

I haven't been on facebook in eight years. I suggest a six month break from social media. It isn't a necessary part of life, honest.

firebolt

I've gone through some of this with breakups through the years...it sucks!

But

People that know and love you know better. The rest don't matter.

Breakups suck - you lose their family and friends you care about, right along with them. The trade-off of staying in something that isn't meant for you is much much worse though.

And hey, FWIW....months or years later, I've had people circle back to me to catch up, and let me know that they loved me but had to stick by the X.

Hang in there.

trailmix

You have probably seen it posted here many times, when people break up, to stop following them on social media.

Who's to say that others weren't making comments to her like "oh PlantsVorganic514 was on holiday this week and went to such and such, looks really happy".

Your ex may have said enough, don't want to hear anymore, please stop reporting and maybe block her feed.

You just don't know, you are just guessing that she is bad-mouthing you. Not that the reason really matters since it's still hurtful to you, but is this a person you really need in your life? Have you asked yourself that?

velma929

I wouldn't say "alcoholics do x or y" because they're people, and different people do different things. I dated a man when I was very young who lied to his friends about our relationship and the circumstances of our breakup. He may have been an alcoholic, in hindsight. Or maybe not. He was a liar, for sure. Many people believed him. In the end, I wanted to make sure I didn't get re-attached or entangled with him. I drifted away from our mutual friends because of the risk of becoming re-involved with him. It was lonely for a while, but eventually a new life replaced the old one. There was no social media then.

A couple years ago, I wrote a letter that got a thieving, lying colleague fired. I didn't expect to have other coworkers un-friend or block me, but they did. You can't control what other people think or do.

Berrybean

I'm guessing that she is probably paranoid and fear filled that you may tell people your side of the story / the truth about her behaviour or drinking or whatever. And one way of her manipulating this situation if it were to be the case (i know - only in her scared alcoholic thinking) would be for her to discredit you before you got the chance.

If these people are staying in her life and she's still active in her addiction, no doubt they won't need you to tell them the truth of the matter, as your ex will show them herself, in her own sweet way, over time.

Please don't retaliate, as this really would compound your misery. At the moment she may be doing what she can to ruin your reputation, but you have something precious, which is beyond her wildest dreams at the moment, and this is 'integrity'. Once this blows over (and it will) you will be at peace with yourself, in the knowledge that you were blameless in this and acted honourably.

Maybe give social media a wide berth for a while.

BB

aliciagr

Lately every single person in her life has started blocking me on all social media channels etc. I have not reached out to her close friends at all whatsoever and I have not posted about our breakup on social media. So many people in her life making an effort to block me leads me to believe that she is spreading misinformation about me

Are these really just friends of hers and they added you because the two of you were together? Are there any that you really want to maintain a relationship with?

My thought is during a breakup, one might ask their friends (who don't have a relationship with you) to drop you so you cannot view things that might be shared about her life, what shes up to, a new relationship, etc. She might just want to make sure you are out of her life in full. Not have friends chat with you or relay info they see on your page.

Just my perspective but I think most people know that a breakup can cause hard feelings and things can be said or done, etc. If I met someone and thought they were nice, a good person. Comments by their ex would be taken with this in consideration. Also, friends usually also know if a person is dramatic, vengeful, etc. and take that into account too.

I wouldn't let it get you down. If you want to maintain a friendship with any of the people who have not yet blocked you, do a pre-emptive strike and send a message saying even though the ex is out of your life you would like to remain friends. See what reply you get.

Clover71

I would let your family members do what they feel is right for them.

In my experience, alcoholics aren't going to run around telling friends and family that one of the main reasons for breakup was due to their won alcoholism.

Raindrops

I was married to an alcoholic. He was my best friends brother. 5 years later when I filed for divorce , my best friend told me that it was my fault and that she was going to stand by her brother. Oh well. Guess what - they all know the truth. It's not hidden from the family. They have other alcoholics in their family and they are pretty used to that behavior. As long as they get their fancy gifts and they don't get to see his horrible abusive side - they are ok. He moved on a month after I filed for divorce . Throughout our marriage he told everyone that I did not care about him. His definition of caring is to be his enabler. I refused to be a part of that circus after a while. They keep his addiction going. His new girl buys alcohol for him. He loves it. Focus on yourself and your growth. Let those people deal with her. They will eventually give up or dig her grave deeper. Stop obsessing about and trying to control situations that are not in your control. You will harm yourself. Let go. What she says about you does not reflect on you. It reflects on her... you being worried about what other people may be thinking about you based on what she is telling them is your side of the street that needs to be cleaned.