Thank you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 179
Thank you!
I wanted to thank you all for giving me so much to read over the past few months. I was a heavy drinker before getting pregnant (I got pregnant because I was drunk, of course) and kicked the habit while I was pregnant. It was disheartening to discover that it was waiting for me on the other side, and that it had made a new friend- postpartum depression.
Although I would never do anything to put my son in harm’s way (please know that) and am not drinking anything close to what I used to, I have struggled since his birth with drinking wine at nights and weekends. I HATE it. I’ve grown to just hate it, and resent it, and dread it. I want to be a present, happy, healthy wife and mom. I’m tired of waking up and seeing things I could have done with the time after my son went to bed, that I just spent sipping and getting sleepier and blurrier.
I’ve had a couple starts and restarts (following the Carr method hasn’t been flawless but has certainly helped me shift my mentality). It is hard to navigate being sober, both in an alcohol-soaked culture and as a mom who sees “your kids are crying, have some vodka lol” memes several times a day or hears mom friends talking about having their wind down wine (cause some people can just drink one, can you imagine?) I don’t want it anymore, and I hope I can become blind and deaf to it.
Anyway, I just don’t want to drink anymore. My friends won’t care if I stop, my family will support me, my husband can stop worrying, my bank account can actually have money in it and, best of all, my boy will have a mom who doesn’t cry with disappointment when she backslides and won’t remember sad wine me at all.
I respect the AA system and their devotion to helping people stop drinking, but it’s not the right choice for my life. Honestly, posting on an anonymous message board is a big step for me. I’m going to continue reading my books and your posts and blogs and work towards draining the poison from my life.
So thank you all for being there for me just by being brave enough to post, and giving me the courage to be brave enough to break the silence.
I hope that I can celebrate today as the last day one ever.
Although I would never do anything to put my son in harm’s way (please know that) and am not drinking anything close to what I used to, I have struggled since his birth with drinking wine at nights and weekends. I HATE it. I’ve grown to just hate it, and resent it, and dread it. I want to be a present, happy, healthy wife and mom. I’m tired of waking up and seeing things I could have done with the time after my son went to bed, that I just spent sipping and getting sleepier and blurrier.
I’ve had a couple starts and restarts (following the Carr method hasn’t been flawless but has certainly helped me shift my mentality). It is hard to navigate being sober, both in an alcohol-soaked culture and as a mom who sees “your kids are crying, have some vodka lol” memes several times a day or hears mom friends talking about having their wind down wine (cause some people can just drink one, can you imagine?) I don’t want it anymore, and I hope I can become blind and deaf to it.
Anyway, I just don’t want to drink anymore. My friends won’t care if I stop, my family will support me, my husband can stop worrying, my bank account can actually have money in it and, best of all, my boy will have a mom who doesn’t cry with disappointment when she backslides and won’t remember sad wine me at all.
I respect the AA system and their devotion to helping people stop drinking, but it’s not the right choice for my life. Honestly, posting on an anonymous message board is a big step for me. I’m going to continue reading my books and your posts and blogs and work towards draining the poison from my life.
So thank you all for being there for me just by being brave enough to post, and giving me the courage to be brave enough to break the silence.
I hope that I can celebrate today as the last day one ever.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
You sound like things are ok 
post partum depression can be devastating- I went through it 3 times and I know how hard it can be. Do you have some good supports in place at all? Have you spoken to your Dr, husband, any family or friends?
One of the worst things I did was not take proper care of myself when I had PPD. I isolated with deep depression, I was in an abusive relationship, miles away from my family. It did not take me long to fall quickly into drinking- very heavily.
You don't have to go this alone, but I definitely think anyone who is struggling will always benefit with face to face support in whatever form that may be.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Welcome to posting, Lipstuck. I used to mostly lurk until I realized that having a more active presence here helps me a lot, and maybe something I post might be of help to others. You can certainly celebrate this as your last day one--you can do this! Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.
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