I Told Him I Want A Divorce
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I Told Him I Want A Divorce
We have been separated three weeks tomorrow. I told him yesterday I for sure wanted a divorce and would be going to a lawyer this week or next. He was actually extremely calm and we worked out over text what he wanted and what I wanted. Well today is a different story. He has sent me tons of crazy text messages about how I was the reason we were getting divorced. How God wouldn't forgive me. I'm ruining the family. I will get no money from the divorce. I will not get my car. How I only
Married him for his money. How i will never find happiness. He has changed the locks to our home and I have zero access now to our savings which had a good deal of money in it. I'm fine and have a good support system. Just ready to get this over with and can't believe I lived with such a dysfunctional man for so long.
Married him for his money. How i will never find happiness. He has changed the locks to our home and I have zero access now to our savings which had a good deal of money in it. I'm fine and have a good support system. Just ready to get this over with and can't believe I lived with such a dysfunctional man for so long.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
HUGS, hugs and more hugs! BTDT. It's a natural emotional process for some people to be all over the place emotionally when presented with the prospect of divorce and separation. It's painful and I would expect a lot more of this is to come.
Please remind yourself that this has been your choice and you're doing what's right for you. I don't know your back story and it doesn't really matter because when someone decides to ends a relationship, they have their reasons and acceptance is key on both sides of the story. Unfortunately, some folks fight acceptance more than others.
I encourage you to get your own support system via Al Anon or a therapist who can be a neutral third party because, the toxicity that follows many divorces can be hard to handle alone. Having a shoulder to lean on is important.
Be gentle with yourself. I heard all the things that you did when I told my XAH and I remember now this grand apology he gave me right before we met with the mediator. Then, when we were in with the mediator and I told him I wanted my portion of his pension, he screamed at me and said, "You can't pick meat off a dead carcass, bitch!" The mediator almost threw him out of the room at that moment but I stayed calm and didn't react. He wanted me to react. I had stopped reacting months prior to all of this. I was so done that he couldn't even get to me. I just wanted out and I was willing to do whatever it took. Not every story is like mine, but I do know that it took years for me to get there and I'm so grateful to Al Anon and to the people here at SR where I could spill out my pain and find support and kindness and, sometimes even, tough love.
Hang in there. You're taking care of you. Hugs
Please remind yourself that this has been your choice and you're doing what's right for you. I don't know your back story and it doesn't really matter because when someone decides to ends a relationship, they have their reasons and acceptance is key on both sides of the story. Unfortunately, some folks fight acceptance more than others.
I encourage you to get your own support system via Al Anon or a therapist who can be a neutral third party because, the toxicity that follows many divorces can be hard to handle alone. Having a shoulder to lean on is important.
Be gentle with yourself. I heard all the things that you did when I told my XAH and I remember now this grand apology he gave me right before we met with the mediator. Then, when we were in with the mediator and I told him I wanted my portion of his pension, he screamed at me and said, "You can't pick meat off a dead carcass, bitch!" The mediator almost threw him out of the room at that moment but I stayed calm and didn't react. He wanted me to react. I had stopped reacting months prior to all of this. I was so done that he couldn't even get to me. I just wanted out and I was willing to do whatever it took. Not every story is like mine, but I do know that it took years for me to get there and I'm so grateful to Al Anon and to the people here at SR where I could spill out my pain and find support and kindness and, sometimes even, tough love.
Hang in there. You're taking care of you. Hugs
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Chev he's showing his true self and you need to look out for yourself. Don't put off the lawyer please as you're entitled to share in marriage assets which otherwise might disappear. You've earned them just as much as him.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
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I wish we had a word in English that offered both condolences and congratulations as so many times it seems appropriate.
I'm so glad that you have a support system. Hang tough for this difficult time. I never married my qualifier so the physical separation was easy but the rest was as difficult as could be.
May battalions of angels bombard you!!!!
I'm so glad that you have a support system. Hang tough for this difficult time. I never married my qualifier so the physical separation was easy but the rest was as difficult as could be.
May battalions of angels bombard you!!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Bekindalways 
I wish we had a word in English that offered both condolences and congratulations as so many times it seems appropriate.
I'm so glad that you have a support system. Hang tough for this difficult time. I never married my qualifier so the physical separation was easy but the rest was as difficult as could be.
May battalions of angels bombard you!!!!
I'm so glad that you have a support system. Hang tough for this difficult time. I never married my qualifier so the physical separation was easy but the rest was as difficult as could be.
May battalions of angels bombard you!!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Pretty standard...and Oh man, save ALL the text messages. It might get a little worse before it gets better...but the difference between now and when you were there living in it, is that it WILL get better!! (((HUGS))) You deserve a happy, peaceful life!
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 224
His actions let you know you made the right decision for yourself. I believe keeping those conversations in text/email format is one of the smartest things you can do. There are plenty of apps that allow you to print them for your attorney and/or judge to show what you are up against. It is so hard, sounds like you are making a lot of progress continuing to make the next right decision for yourself.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Yes, my XAH was all nice to work with, AT FIRST. Then it turned nasty, and four years later has stayed nasty. I am sorry. You cannot control his actions, only your own reactions. Stay calm and move forward. Big hugs!
And BTW...you cannot break into a home you own. If your name is on the deed, you can simply call a locksmith and get into the home. Nothing he can do about it. Same with savings, go into the bank and demand to remove half to protect it. Don't spend it.
And BTW...you cannot break into a home you own. If your name is on the deed, you can simply call a locksmith and get into the home. Nothing he can do about it. Same with savings, go into the bank and demand to remove half to protect it. Don't spend it.
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