Starsabove32

How do you do it? Resentments for things people said about you that is upsetting, an ex partner who has annoyed you, people that have wronged you....

I find myself getting very annoyed if people say something nasty about me. But I don't want to give people this power anymore. I'm sick of other people dictating my mood.

I'm journalling for starters, and going for walks.

BlownOne

One of the things that works for me pretty well is for me to remember that I'm no saint. 99% of the time, anything anyone else does or says that annoys me or causes a resentment in me, I've been guilty of doing or saying something the same or very similar at one time or another in my life. When I remind myself that I'm no better than anyone else, my resentments seems to lose a bit of their power to bite me.

least

I remember this saying: Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Resentment uses up valuable energy that would be better directed elsewhere.

August252015

AA. Working the steps with a sponsor. Revisiting MY responsibility in all situations, relationships etc. Making amends as necessary for the past and in the present when I screw up. Faith. Wash, rinse, repeat plus some other stuff like yoga, and engaging in life as fully as possible- and also, least is wise: gratitude.

eve123

Hard to let a real resentment go especially if the resented party was very much deserving of it. My aim is to be able to look at ithem with clear thoughts. Lots of vile humans out there no morals no care. Our aim as we are is to take them for what those people are. Not worth it.,some sick people in this world you know

Dee74

I often apply the 5 years rule - will this matter in 5 years?
Sometimes I have to pick 10 years ... but I very rarely get a yes back from my brain.

Letting go of something doesn't mean they win, or that I forgive them necessarily - it just means I made the choice to let it go and move the heck along - for my own good

D

january161992

a resentment is to re-feel

over and over and over and over

Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.


Big Book, Freedom from Bondage, p. 552):
'If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free...Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.'


just passing it on

Forward12

AA no doubt!

decchemist

When I entered recovery I came across the serenity prayer. Whilst I am not religious I really love the simplicity and power of this prayer. Since the start of 2018 I gave been trying to live life according to this prayer. It is not easy but I am finding it get easier. I really do feel that I am less annoyed (and increasingly not annoyed at all) by things I may have dwelt on in the past. Dwelling is bad but you can choose not to do this and mindfully think about something else.

brighterday1234

Essential for contented sobriety. This is where the higher power concept is really useful in my experience. Let your resentment go and give it to your hp. I also strive to live by the serenity prayer. Talking a resentment out with somebody who you trust is also very effective. Something I picked up in AA which is really useful is that recovered people “respond not react”- this really sums up if I’m where I need to be. If I’m reacting rather than responding to something that ruffles my feathers then I need to put some recovery work in as something is not right.

PeacefulWater12

Hmmm, well I found as I worked my program that all "those people" who did all those horrid things to me, usually it was actually in response to something I had said or because I was doing something I shouldn't be doing or hadn't done what I should have done.

I looked at my part in things, the resentments eased a great deal. Also as I worked my amends they did too.

Now I have learned not to respond with instant knee jerk reactions, I step back.

I also discovered that when I react strongly to things other people say or do, it is usually because I do or have done exactly the same thing. When I see it in others, I can see how unpleasant I was being.

I rarely have resentments now but then that is because I am no longer nasty myself.

Anyways that's me and my experience. All of the above annoyed me enormously when I discovered it. That it was usually me all along causing the problems. I could no longer point my finger at someone else. Darn it!

Eaglelizard

I've had this really bad, still do, though I think that I'm a little bit more self aware now vs. during the drinking days when a favorite pastime was reenacting angry conversations with the resented parties. Pretty absurd, yeah... I try to always remember that most of the things that make me angry, do so because I subconsciously agree with whatever perceived slight or insult someone is inflicting on me. Just need to break out of that negative head-space.

oldmate

I hold resentment like an elephant. It is not productive i can tell you.
Holding on to things, days,weeks,months,years after, and the person who
said or did these things forgot about, more than likely just after they did it.

Only way ive found to get rid of it is to educate myself on why
people are the way they are and behave the way they do.

Now when the people i resent do theyre show i can have internal giggle,
say " thanks mate" and walk on.

If the people are deserving of the resentement this often makes them furiuous.
All part of the fun. They want to play games and i slide the chess board from under them.

It isnt easy though, the world is becoming increasingly selfish, helping
people often gets met with a strange response these days.

Im still learning to let it go, which isnt easy, especially if i think the
person deserves to learn a lesson and is going through life trodding
on everyone and being a twerp with no repercussions.

Cheers.