I drank tonight
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
I drank tonight
Not much else to say, just a normal Saturday. I was feeling down, alone, hopeless and I made a decision to drink. I used to fight so much to overcome my previous cravings, but today I just gave in. I knew I'm gonna regret it, but I somehow managed to convinced myself that a binge once in a while can't hurt, or that I don't care if I live or die anyway.
So I bought a six-pack of beer, drank 4, didn't really feel much but foggy brain and fatigue, so I binned the rest.
What a pointless, stupid thing.
I don't know, maybe I will never get it. I wish I could disappear completely.
Day 1 tomorrow...
So I bought a six-pack of beer, drank 4, didn't really feel much but foggy brain and fatigue, so I binned the rest.
What a pointless, stupid thing.
I don't know, maybe I will never get it. I wish I could disappear completely.
Day 1 tomorrow...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,100
Originally Posted by Snufkin 
I was feeling down, alone, hopeless
I think the meetings will be a big step (no pun intended) forward for you. A good sponsor can stay in touch and encourage ya. Not sure where you are with that but pragmatically having someone there who relates close by is what I'm seeing as your best next move
Keep close to us, Snufs
Your friend,
Todd.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 157
Good on you for getting on here and admitting it. Your not alone, we can all relate to having a bad day and turning to the booze. At least you recognised it wasn’t worth it straight away. Wish you well for day one tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Hi Snufkin.......You're definitely not alone. I think there are lot of us who feel overcome with gloominess and hopelessness and just think, "Screw it!" and pick up. I know that sometimes, or if I were to be honest, lots of times, I feel that way too. But, I'm ALWAYS glad when I've made it through those times and it cheers me up. We just have to get through them. Hang in there Snufkin. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,387
(((((Snufkin))))))
That's why there is tomorrow, there is always another chance to make a different decision. There isn't one of us who likely hasn't been through this one way or another. Toddman is probably right about meetings, if your struggling.
All my love, Aly xxoo
That's why there is tomorrow, there is always another chance to make a different decision. There isn't one of us who likely hasn't been through this one way or another. Toddman is probably right about meetings, if your struggling.
All my love, Aly xxoo
It's hard at first but so worth the effort. Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Hi snufkin
I didn't think I'd ever 'get it' either.
I think I was expecting something like a blinding flash of light and BAM I'd never want to drink again - but it didn't happen that way for me.
I had to fight - I made an action plan - every time I had the urge I would come here, or I'd exercise or I'd phone a friend or try to meditate...
I'd think about HALT (hungry angry lonely tired) and try to do what I could about that (eating something instead really helps)
I'd think about that rationalisation that a blowout every so often was ok and I'd 'play the tape through' to other times when I thought that and stayed drunk for weeks.
I read about and opracticed techniques like Urge Surfing and discovered that sn urge doesn;t have to end in a drink.
I'd re-read my old posts here to remind myself of the struggle I'd already been through, and I'd post to others -- not only would that hopefully help them. but it helped me too...I discovered I know what to do - I was just bad at taking my own advice.
If I was feeling low, depressed or self loathing, I made it a point to see someone about that, or read about things that might help me change that negative self talk and deal with it in healthy ways without having to punish myself for being me.
And so...I found that was 'the secret' - no BAM but a lot of hard work, a decent plan with lots of easily accessible drinking alternatives and a using my support network.
It's no a constant slog either
The more work I put in the easier it got
Today if my AV was to act up I'd be all one eyebrow raised and
You made 3 weeks yeah? thats nothing to sneeze at Snuf. It shows you can get sober - now you gotta work on the next level, staying that way.
I believe you can do it
D
I didn't think I'd ever 'get it' either.
I think I was expecting something like a blinding flash of light and BAM I'd never want to drink again - but it didn't happen that way for me.
I had to fight - I made an action plan - every time I had the urge I would come here, or I'd exercise or I'd phone a friend or try to meditate...
I'd think about HALT (hungry angry lonely tired) and try to do what I could about that (eating something instead really helps)
I'd think about that rationalisation that a blowout every so often was ok and I'd 'play the tape through' to other times when I thought that and stayed drunk for weeks.
I read about and opracticed techniques like Urge Surfing and discovered that sn urge doesn;t have to end in a drink.
I'd re-read my old posts here to remind myself of the struggle I'd already been through, and I'd post to others -- not only would that hopefully help them. but it helped me too...I discovered I know what to do - I was just bad at taking my own advice.
If I was feeling low, depressed or self loathing, I made it a point to see someone about that, or read about things that might help me change that negative self talk and deal with it in healthy ways without having to punish myself for being me.
And so...I found that was 'the secret' - no BAM but a lot of hard work, a decent plan with lots of easily accessible drinking alternatives and a using my support network.
It's no a constant slog either
The more work I put in the easier it got
Today if my AV was to act up I'd be all one eyebrow raised and
You made 3 weeks yeah? thats nothing to sneeze at Snuf. It shows you can get sober - now you gotta work on the next level, staying that way.
I believe you can do it
D
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,027
Snufkin, good job coming back here and posting about it -- it shows accountability and honesty.
All's I can say about the drinking, Don't do it. I don't know about 'normies', but once a person like me -- and it sounds like, you -- is in a mess with drinking, there's no more fun in it. And it only gets worse and worse, unless you quit for good.
No matter how hard a night without a drink can feel, stay the course. You'll come out the other side better than you can imagine.
All's I can say about the drinking, Don't do it. I don't know about 'normies', but once a person like me -- and it sounds like, you -- is in a mess with drinking, there's no more fun in it. And it only gets worse and worse, unless you quit for good.
No matter how hard a night without a drink can feel, stay the course. You'll come out the other side better than you can imagine.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Snufkin - I did the same thing a few times before finally realizing it did absolutely nothing for me. It didn't lighten my mood, relax me, or help me cope with problems. It just added to my sadness & anxiety. I'm so glad you didn't drink all of them.
You can't disappear - we need you here.
You can't disappear - we need you here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
glad ya made it back, snufkin. situations like this is where the fellowship of AA can come in real handy:
i had an evening i was struggling real bad- had a case of the "F-its." but i did something i was told to do before i drank-called my sponsor.
"tom(his name was tom,too) ya told me that if i felt like drinkin to call ya first. i want a drink and am heading to the store."
"how about this: dont drink for the rest of today. when tomorrow gets here, if you feel like drinking,ok, but call me first."
i made it through the night but the next day STILL wanted a drink. called my sponsor first:
"tom, i made it through the night and ya said if i wanted to drink tomorrow to call ya fisrt. i want to drink and am heading to the store."
"its not tomorrow,tom. its today. dont drink today and if you feel like drinking tomorrow call me first."
HUH!
there were many many days the mental obsession was very strong. thats when reading the big book( i think i read at least parts of it a few hundred times in the forst 90 days) and going to meetings came into play. idk why, but the ride to the meeting, time at the meeting, and ride home gave me times i didnt have thoughts of drinking/
heres a pretty good part of the BB that strikes a cord:
Young people may be encouraged by this man's experience to think that they can stop, as he did, on their own will power. We doubt if many of them can do it, because none will really want to stop, and hardly one of them, because of the peculiar mental twist already acquired, will find he can win out. Several of our crowd, men of thirty or less, had been drinking only a few years, but they found themselves as helpless as those who had been drinking twenty years.
To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop. We, who are familiar with the symptoms, see large numbers of potential alcoholics among young people everywhere. But try and get them to see it!
As we look back, we feel we had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our will power.
snufkin, do you have nombers of others in AA? the phone is lighter than a bottle and much better solutions,too.
i had an evening i was struggling real bad- had a case of the "F-its." but i did something i was told to do before i drank-called my sponsor.
"tom(his name was tom,too) ya told me that if i felt like drinkin to call ya first. i want a drink and am heading to the store."
"how about this: dont drink for the rest of today. when tomorrow gets here, if you feel like drinking,ok, but call me first."
i made it through the night but the next day STILL wanted a drink. called my sponsor first:
"tom, i made it through the night and ya said if i wanted to drink tomorrow to call ya fisrt. i want to drink and am heading to the store."
"its not tomorrow,tom. its today. dont drink today and if you feel like drinking tomorrow call me first."
HUH!
there were many many days the mental obsession was very strong. thats when reading the big book( i think i read at least parts of it a few hundred times in the forst 90 days) and going to meetings came into play. idk why, but the ride to the meeting, time at the meeting, and ride home gave me times i didnt have thoughts of drinking/
heres a pretty good part of the BB that strikes a cord:
Young people may be encouraged by this man's experience to think that they can stop, as he did, on their own will power. We doubt if many of them can do it, because none will really want to stop, and hardly one of them, because of the peculiar mental twist already acquired, will find he can win out. Several of our crowd, men of thirty or less, had been drinking only a few years, but they found themselves as helpless as those who had been drinking twenty years.
To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop. We, who are familiar with the symptoms, see large numbers of potential alcoholics among young people everywhere. But try and get them to see it!
As we look back, we feel we had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our will power.
snufkin, do you have nombers of others in AA? the phone is lighter than a bottle and much better solutions,too.
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