Rar

I had 2 light beers on Thursday May 3 so I'm resetting my clock. This really pains me to reset, but I must (after 112 days). Today is my 2nd day.

Our offer to purchase a new house here in Florida was accepted. That was a happy time. However, the previous few days, I was under extreme stress with thoughts of selling the house we're in now, in addition to selling our New York house 1450 miles away. The thoughts of packing, cleaning, moving and selling two households was overwhelming to me. The Bank paperwork was a nightmare too. The opportunity to celebrate the acceptance was just too tempting and maybe the thought of relieving some stress probably played a part.

Our friends brought over about 30 cans of cold beer.

These are not excuses, but I guess they are the reasons my AV used. I expect the stress to mount over these next couple of months, so I have to find a way to strengthen my plan. We have moved several times for my husband's job. He is so irritable, that by the time the move is completed, we are not speaking to each other and marvel that we're still speaking to the same people. Then there's my surgery coming up in 12 days.

Certainly I didn't even get a buzz from those 2 light beers, but I'm still depressed, since I failed. I even have thoughts of giving up.

Nonsensical

Says who? The voice in your head? I wonder what it wants? (Spoiler alert: It wants the rest of the beers!)

You had 112 straight days of badassery.
That makes you a badass.

Get after it!

D122y

Rar,

Imo...

Consider this...a clock is a perception. Perception is reality.

The whole concept of counting clean days in a row is not my reality.

I have had the equivalent in my sobriety journey and I refuse to let go of my sobriety date, but do offer my slips as a reminder that the door has been cracked.

That is what scared me. The door was opened. SR helped me close it.

I regret my slips partially because i use SR to hold myself accountable.

Getting into a debate about sobriety dates is pointless.

I feel amazing these days. As with anyone here, I could drink all day everyday if I wanted to.

But I don't drink anymore.

I have unlearned the behavior.

Please don't beat yourself up. That is part of the relapse path.

Thanks.

Rar

For the most part D122, I agree with you. Sobriety is a way of life and a path and those 2 light beers are a bump in the road.. I had conflicting thoughts on resetting my clock, but I'm only fooling myself. My goal was to remain alcohol free and I failed. I didn't have to have those beers. I wasn't tempted to binge. I had no uncontrollable urge. Apparently my plan was not iron clad.

Culture

You haven't failed Rar, you had a blip and recognised what caused it.
Your back here and moving forward, don't give up!

entropy1964

Rar I do believe that the cornerstone of my staying sober is honesty. Everyone has to decide for themselves what that looks like. I think coming here is huge and good on ya for doing it. I would start over too, for me. But really? It doesn't matter. You are sober today. That is awesome.

Moving is really stressful and hard. I would line up as much help as possible. Craig's list can be a great resource for unskilled, manual labor that is affordable. I just caution being careful with who you choose. Make sure your hub is home when they come over to help. Etc. Or hell, hire a moving company that does the packing.

I used craigs list when I was at my folks house to haul a bunch of fire hazard crap in the yard. My bro had found someone to do it for 1200. My CL guys did it for 280. That's what I'm talkin about !

Hang in there. Don't over do it. You'll get moved! And congrats for sure!!

biminiblue

This is a really dangerous time for you now, Rar.

Those two beers are what I would call trying to let the lion out of the cage a little at a time. He may just lick you right now - but that is not his natural inclination.

Danger.

I think those moderation events are even more dangerous. "Look, I didn't even want to binge."


This time.

You know better. You know what's going to happen if you stay at it. What a lie those two beers are. There are always more where they came from.

Get some help with the move. Hire cleaners, hire college kids, whatever it takes. You don't have to do all the work alone. You get to move to Florida! How awesome is that?

apollo986

Very helpful post D122.

Rar

You are right, BB. I know those two beers have DANGER written all over them. We plan to hire as much help as we can. With foot surgery, my mobility will be limited during this time. I worry about available cash to handle the help and moving expenses. I can draw on my retirement investments (which is a relief) but I didn't want to do that -

biminiblue

The money will work out, it always does. I'm sure you and your husband have worked through the financial side. Try to let the chips fall on that part. Going down that worry-path leads right to the next beer. Retirement investments are for...retirement.

Florida! I grew up in SoFla. Beautiful. Focus on that. The wonderful changes. Yeah, your husband will be stressed, but you don't have to be. When he gets difficult go for a drive, call a friend, don't just engage his crazy. One of you can have a great move.

Palm trees. Blue water. Flowers. The fragrance of night-blooming Jasmine and Gardenia. People who don't use their blinkers. You'll love it. Speaking of, good thing you started driving in Florida! Use your danged blinker! Snowbirds.

Dee74

I'm really glad you made it back Rar, and I applaud you for resetting the clock.

Its not easy to do but it does signify that you mean business.
No quarter given to the AV and the mind games - I like it

Addiction wants you back desperately - be ready for its BS.

D

entropy1964

People who don't use their blinkers. You'll love it. Speaking of, good thing you started driving in Florida! Use your danged blinker! Snowbirds.

Haha! Sorry that made me laugh.

biminiblue

That's usually my intention, Frick.

I'm glad someone gets me.

yinzer

Do not have thoughts of giving up. 112 more days will pass very quickly and you can be feeling good instead of kicking yourself. The stress will pass.

yinzer

Bimini, last time I was in FL, I checked at the corner store for blinker fluid and they were out! Maybe that’s the problem?

CreativeThinker

Stay vigilant Rar! Many of my full blown relapses started out with me only having a drink. Before I knew it I was headed right down the rabbit hole again.

I know how stressful moving can be. Life is stressful in general. Ensure your tools are solid! You will need them until all of this change is behind you.

CT

Rar

This is our 4th year (winter in Florida), so we do love it enough to make the move year round. Of course, it can be nice to head north to a cooler climate when it gets really hot here. Having that northern house with expenses plus real estate taxes and travel expenses back and forth add about $8000+ /year to our expenses. We don't need that. We are upgrading the Florida house we're living in now. Fortunately both the NY house and the current Fl house are paid for. Selling them will pay off the new house. However, it's anyone's guess when that will happen.

We will no longer be Snowbirds, but Sand Cranes.

Ladysadie

Rar - congratulations on some really big decisions you and your husband have made! No explanation or justification to us is necessary. Think of it as a new beginning in all ways. Sending you positive vibes!

Rar

Thanks Ladysadie. I guess I was thinking aloud........churning thoughts. I just can't let my mind rest until I get it all settled in my head. .

Notsodrunk

If I had the restraint to just drink two beers , I’d still be drinking.

Glad you put them back down....

Only place to go now is forward.