paulwilson

Not sure how I came across this site, didn't even know I was registered, but......noticed it was 2008 I was last on here, which was when I think I gave up last time for c18months.
As all alcoholics know, relapses end up with even greater consumption. Been really bad this last year-starting earlier & earlier in the day.
So.....here we go again, day 35 sober, knuckles are white, teeth gritted.
I still have a belief that I can go back to social drinking one day & I'm not sure why I believe that, I may be an idiot, but just being honest.

Buckley3

You aren't an idiot. You are likely an alcoholic. Good on you for being honest - that's essential to actually dealing with the ego and the bs our addictive voice feeds us. Gotta drag that crap out into the light of honesty. Being transparent with others about it - like at SR or AA - is part of the great value.

Step 1 - "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."

Meditate on that. See what you find. There's a certain irony to denial. It's not always what we think. Our egos play this game with us - it tells us we know what denial is and that's not what we're doing. Like, denial that we're in denial. It gets thick. Beware the bs that your ego brings to the table. For issues like alcoholism it could very well be life or death.

'Grats on 35 days. Educate yourself alcoholism. It's not something that can be learned over night methinks. Knowledge is power.

-B

saoutchik

Hi Paul. Congratulations on 35 days, good going. It seems with alcohol there is no reset button but that mental image of sensibly enjoying a couple of drinks is just our AV or addicts voice trying to seduce us..

Good luck.

Dean1978

Welcome and congrats Paul, personally I find the idea of going back to social drinking when being an alcoholic a fallacy, feels like an attempt by our brains because it fears the idea of never drinking again. Never drinking again is empowering and for me, freedom.

Dee74

Welcome back PaulWilson

I had that dream too...but I eventually realised I'd never been a normal, or social drinker. Drinking was always about getting wasted.

Looks like you've been battling this for a long time.

You might be one of my mob?

D

least

I was never a 'social drinker', I always drank to get drunk. I'm so much better off without it. I hope our support can help you achieve lasting sobriety.

paulwilson

...to all the supportive responses.
Definitely giving me strength!

time2shineagain

Congrats on your sober time! Glad you re-found the site, it's a great place for support and advice. Stay close.

goodbyeevan

Congrats on your time! I also was surprised when I signed up and already had a username and everything! Hmmm. Never really gave it a try back then though.

Sounds like a reservation. I am certainly not an expert but i truly believe alcohol damages our brains. It especially damages that part that controls rational thought and decision making. This is why a brilliant mathematical alcoholic genius will choose the drink over sobriety, when he knows better. And our brain cells will not heal from this damage. There's no reset button. Alcoholics cannot turn themselves back into social drinkers. And I think eventually, I'll be just fine with that. I hope you can come to terms with your reservation on going back out and commit to a life of sobriety. If you go back out and are fine, my hats off to ya!

Alice50

Well done!