CocoLoco612

First, a little background. I have been out of my relationship with my AEH for close to 2 years. Our divorce was finalized about 18 months ago. I talk every now and then, and he is doing well. I'm not sure if he is still drinking, but each time I've spoken with him in the last 6 months he has been sober.

Now my current situation. I have found myself in almost a fight or flight pattern. I am in a great relationship with a really caring man. He is aware of my past and has been very support. Still, I find myself overreacting to very trivial issues.

I have been in therapy for the last 3 years. Recently I've started a therapy program called EMDR. Both of my therapist think I am suffering from a form of PTSD. I was with my ex for 15 years, 8 or so of them he was in deep alcohol addiction.

Have others dealt with PTSD? There was no one major thing that happened, just lots and lots of traumatic events along the way.

Mango212

Yes. Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). It sucks!

Thankfully, I'm finding great healing in several ways. Therapy, physical therapy and reiki. Releasing a lot of stagnant, trauma muscle memory.

Healing is possible.

Raindrops

It haunts me- the memory of my almost ex ah walking down the stairs at 8am on a Saturday drunk out of his mind and telling me to suck his **** in front of the housekeepers. It's like a recording that plays on my head. But keeping the focus on me helps. Building my life and career helps. Just putting one foot in front of the other- helps. I have heard that ptsd takes a long time to resolve if it ever does completely. So I do the next best thing for myself. The more power I let it have over me, the more it will destroy me.

Spinner-007

I believe almost everyone who has been in a long term relationship with an addict is suffering from some level of PTSD, and I'm not one that typically likes to jump to 'psycho-babble' titles.

Think of it this way:

we live our lives with an addict under varying levels of conflict every single day, always being guarded and on alert of and to our everyday existence, and this is in our HOMES, the one place we're supposed to feel safe and at peace.

Just like a soldier being pulled off the line, we look to the times when we get to get out for even just a little while (visiting friends, fam, work, a cup of coffee alone, etc), only to prepare and brace ourselves for when it's time to go back to 'the front'. (And secretly, we feel a little ashamed when all we really hope for is that the addict is passed out so we won't have to deal with them for the rest of the evening...)

We get to go to bed(or to the couch) with the haunting and unconscious thought that when we wake in the morning, it will all be ready to start all over again.

This is an emotionally, psychologically, mentally, spiritually, (sometimes physically) scarring battle that I equate to combat, and for those of us who decided to stick around, it's devastating to us on all those levels.

And just like combat, those who never lived through this will never understand.

(please know that it's not intended to minimize or trivialize those who risked their lives in live combat. There can be no credible comparison. This warfare is on a different plain but I'm just stuck by the similarities of what both will do to a person internally...)

So yeah, on that note, I think we have some level of PTSD, even if we were never officially diagnosed with it...

Wamama48

I was diagnosed with cumulative PTSD caused by my now RAH alcoholism. I can't figure out how to add in the link to the thread I started on PTSD. Actually I started 2 threads. Look up my name and click on "see all threads". Also, feel free to PM me.

DesertEyes

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tive-ptsd.html (Anyone diagnosed with Cumulative PTSD?)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...gate-ptsd.html (Not sure how to navigate the PTSD.)

Mike

LifeRecovery

I was under the impression that PTSD was only due to an extreme event like warfare.

As part of my healing I got to deal with my own PTSD which was more neglect based (as a child) and was more about small repeated neglect, than any one big issue.

I took that into my relationship with a problem drinker though.....our dysfunctions lined up perfectly in the beginning for me to fall into well worn paths of self-neglect.

Therapy helped (including stuff like EMDR). I took a training called Tension Releasing Exercises. I did meditation work. I did body work. They all helped.

I just want to add that PTSD can show up as fight, flight but also as freeze (this was my natural go to). Once that was introduced to me it allowed me to see how much it had impacted my life.

Bernadette

CocoLoco612 - I look forward to hearing about your experiences with EMDR - if you feel like sharing how it goes. I have been reading a lot about it, seems very effective for many people....
Peace,
B

Wamama48

Hey you're good at that lol Thanks.

OpheliaKatz

I also have CPTSD from being with an addict for about a decade ++. I have to say that it's a daily struggle for me, but I am coping. It's important for me to exercise at least three times a week even if I hate it and it's uncomfortable (and I do hate it... but it helps to get some nice work-out clothes). Weight-bearing exercises are helpful. I also have to watch my diet and sleep habits, because that helps with stress. Being outdoors in nature is helpful. So is talk therapy... but only as long as I'm not going over the same territory over and over again. It's a combination of things that help. Saying "no" when I'm uncomfortable with situations is helpful. I don't think I will be in another relationship any time soon because the trauma is still very present for me. My A was abusive. Abusive relationships really mess up your life long after the abuser leaves.

It does get better though.

trailmix

I think this is a great analogy Spinner.

aliciagr

Have others dealt with PTSD? There was no one major thing that happened, just lots and lots of traumatic events along the way.

Yes, same with me. I was surprised the doctor diagnosed me too. Said it was the kind people can get where there is someone chronically ill in the family. The ups and downs, things constantly happening to keep you on guard or shaken up.

Im making progress now that life has calmed down. But still working on things like this feeling of anxiety that something else is going to happen to me or someone I love.

CaptainM

Just wanted to say ME TOO. I am in this same boat, even with the overreaction to trivial things (like he way he drinks water!). I can't put my finger on whether or not I am not moving forward in my relationship because I don't actually like him all that much, though I should because he's "such a good guy" (I'm being so indecisive, it's nuts) or if it's because I'm struggling with ptsd from my relationship with XAH. (We're no contact, I recommend doing that if you can, too, Coco!). He's a great man, no red flags, treats me wonderfully, but I just don't feel like 'it' is there. And I'm putting pressure on myself from a biological standpoint (in my early 30s and want to be married again one day and start a fam).

Best of luck to us both... I hope I can make a decision one way or another soon because the grey area isn't fun.

I think time, trying to get inner peace and listening to our guts is key. Any other advice??

CocoLoco612

thank you so much for your thoughtful comments.

Wamama48

Same here Coco. You are not alone, you are not crazy. I can't help you with any advice, I haven't figured out how to handle my own yet. I've had panic attacks my whole adult life, I can handle them like a pro. I can even drive during a panic attack. 😯 But this is different, so professional help is needed. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in this.

hopeful4

I have been diagnosed w/PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have worked through it (and am currently still) through therapy, breathing excercises, meditation, etc. Both my daughter and myself plan to have EMDR (separately). I know it can be very effective. I too am looking forward to hearing about your experience if you are comfortable to share.

Mango212

1. Recognition

To be able to see a problem is where healing has an opportunity to begin.

2. Connecting with others who understand.

Knowing we are not alone.


3. Hope.

Coco, I really appreciate this thread. Thank you for posting!

Mango212

Hi Coco,

How are you doing?

maia1234

Coco,
I am 3.5 years post divorce, and was with axh 34 years. I also fee like I have form of ptsd from living with the craziness of an addict. I am currently moving cross country to get away from him and his family and start a new life. I am not sure if that will make a difference in my life of moving forward, but have nothing to lose.

My life has been forever altered by his disease. I take one day at a time trying to not engage with crazies. I do shut down when people are aggressive toward me as it brings back trauma to me. I learned in many days of alanon, not to engage with crazy people.

Sending hugs to you that you are not alone, we all understand and validate what you are talking about.