The baby has a cold
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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The baby has a cold
And no, it’s not my kids, but my husband - lol! Yesterday, he was getting sick and was a major PITA. Now, I have no problem playing nurse, but he refused all of my recommendations, wouldn’t go to bed so that I could wait on him, and was just generally a bear. He was really unfair and lousy to everyone in the house, then accused me of trying to start a fight when I asked him to just go to bed instead of lashing out. I normally would have had several drinks over that.
But I didn’t.
I sucked it up, had a piece of pie, and went to sleep. This morning, I called him at work and asked him if he thought he was getting the flu. When he said no, I told him that he was acting an ass over a cold, and to either come home and go to bed or take some DayQuil and stop bitching at everybody. He laughed, and I laughed too.
I have a tendency to make things larger than life in my head and get incredibly resentful. I was soooo mad at him yesterday! The only reason that I didn’t drink was because I didn’t want to be “weak” and give him ammo. I have to work on that. But, he wasn’t the tyrant that I had made him out to be in my mind - he was just a fifty-something having a temper tantrum because he didn’t feel well. Not ideal, but I can work with that. Nothing to drink over.
Here’s to sobriety!
But I didn’t.
I sucked it up, had a piece of pie, and went to sleep. This morning, I called him at work and asked him if he thought he was getting the flu. When he said no, I told him that he was acting an ass over a cold, and to either come home and go to bed or take some DayQuil and stop bitching at everybody. He laughed, and I laughed too.
I have a tendency to make things larger than life in my head and get incredibly resentful. I was soooo mad at him yesterday! The only reason that I didn’t drink was because I didn’t want to be “weak” and give him ammo. I have to work on that. But, he wasn’t the tyrant that I had made him out to be in my mind - he was just a fifty-something having a temper tantrum because he didn’t feel well. Not ideal, but I can work with that. Nothing to drink over.
Here’s to sobriety!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 199
Right??? I had the stomach flu when my twins were babies and I still got up 3x per night to feed them. I just brought my bucket with me. And I maintained my usual sunny disposition, lol! This man gets a sniffle and it’s the whole world’s fault for not stopping on its axis. Even after 10 years of marriage, it bugs.
I can get wrapped up in “fairness”. And then I drink. I’m working on acceptance, and figuring out how to control my own actions without trying to control those of others. If he wants to be miserable, that’s his choice, but it’s not going to ruin my day.
I can get wrapped up in “fairness”. And then I drink. I’m working on acceptance, and figuring out how to control my own actions without trying to control those of others. If he wants to be miserable, that’s his choice, but it’s not going to ruin my day.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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Good on you.
I agree with the "ammo" comment.
I feel the same.....a certain smugness that he cant come over all high and mighty. Its not a particularly positive attitude towards recovery but whatever works for you, right ?
C
I agree with the "ammo" comment.
I feel the same.....a certain smugness that he cant come over all high and mighty. Its not a particularly positive attitude towards recovery but whatever works for you, right ?
C
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 199
The ammo thing is not sustainable. But it’s a practical alternative at the moment to the self-pity that would usually send me to the liquor store. I am actively working on changing the dynamic in my head from one of constant battle with opposing forces to one of acceptance and grace. It’s a process though!
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Location: Los Angeles, Ca
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Originally Posted by eyes99 
And no, it’s not my kids, but my husband - lol! Yesterday, he was getting sick and was a major PITA. Now, I have no problem playing nurse, but he refused all of my recommendations, wouldn’t go to bed so that I could wait on him, and was just generally a bear. He was really unfair and lousy to everyone in the house, then accused me of trying to start a fight when I asked him to just go to bed instead of lashing out. I normally would have had several drinks over that.
But I didn’t.
I sucked it up, had a piece of pie, and went to sleep. This morning, I called him at work and asked him if he thought he was getting the flu. When he said no, I told him that he was acting an ass over a cold, and to either come home and go to bed or take some DayQuil and stop bitching at everybody. He laughed, and I laughed too.
I have a tendency to make things larger than life in my head and get incredibly resentful. I was soooo mad at him yesterday! The only reason that I didn’t drink was because I didn’t want to be “weak” and give him ammo. I have to work on that. But, he wasn’t the tyrant that I had made him out to be in my mind - he was just a fifty-something having a temper tantrum because he didn’t feel well. Not ideal, but I can work with that. Nothing to drink over.
Here’s to sobriety!
But I didn’t.
I sucked it up, had a piece of pie, and went to sleep. This morning, I called him at work and asked him if he thought he was getting the flu. When he said no, I told him that he was acting an ass over a cold, and to either come home and go to bed or take some DayQuil and stop bitching at everybody. He laughed, and I laughed too.
I have a tendency to make things larger than life in my head and get incredibly resentful. I was soooo mad at him yesterday! The only reason that I didn’t drink was because I didn’t want to be “weak” and give him ammo. I have to work on that. But, he wasn’t the tyrant that I had made him out to be in my mind - he was just a fifty-something having a temper tantrum because he didn’t feel well. Not ideal, but I can work with that. Nothing to drink over.
Here’s to sobriety!
Good for you, regaining control of your feelings with pie and sleep, instead of other unhealthy behaviors.
Addictions always serve an emotional purpose. I spent an adult life time believing that life should be fair, easy and painless and I should always get what I want. When life wasn't what I expected, I regained control of my, "Feelings," with the quick fix or mood changer of drugs or drink. The antidote is to replace the unhealthy behavior with some other high value behavior that empowers you and allow you to regain control of your feelings.
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You’re right and I have to work on that. I don’t expect easy and painless because my life was never easy nor painless. I learned how to fight when I was very young, and my sense of justice served me well then. It helped me keep my sanity and protected me from being victimized.
But, and it’s a big but...everything is not a battle. There are big injustices (worth fighting) and little ones (just being human), and I commit them at roughly the same rate as others, although I’d like to think differently, lol. I don’t have to gear up for war every time. Or drink myself into oblivion to try to tamp down my anger. It’s so hard to change my thinking - I’ve been in defense mode for so long.
But, and it’s a big but...everything is not a battle. There are big injustices (worth fighting) and little ones (just being human), and I commit them at roughly the same rate as others, although I’d like to think differently, lol. I don’t have to gear up for war every time. Or drink myself into oblivion to try to tamp down my anger. It’s so hard to change my thinking - I’ve been in defense mode for so long.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
taken from a story for the big book of AA:
Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember
that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations.
The higher my expectations of other
people are, the lower is my serenity. I can watch my
serenity level rise when I discard my expectations.
But then my “rights” try to move in, and they too can
force my serenity level down. I have to discard my
“rights,” as well as my expectations, by asking myself,
How important is it, really? How important is it compared
to my serenity, my emotional sobriety? And
when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety
than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher
level—at least for the time being
the rest can be read here:
http://www.guardureyes.com/gue/pdfs/...edintime16.pdf
theres some wise word in that story
Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember
that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations.
The higher my expectations of other
people are, the lower is my serenity. I can watch my
serenity level rise when I discard my expectations.
But then my “rights” try to move in, and they too can
force my serenity level down. I have to discard my
“rights,” as well as my expectations, by asking myself,
How important is it, really? How important is it compared
to my serenity, my emotional sobriety? And
when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety
than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher
level—at least for the time being
the rest can be read here:
http://www.guardureyes.com/gue/pdfs/...edintime16.pdf
theres some wise word in that story
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by eyes99
You’re right and I have to work on that. I don’t expect easy and painless because my life was never easy nor painless. I learned how to fight when I was very young, and my sense of justice served me well then. It helped me keep my sanity and protected me from being victimized.
But, and it’s a big but...everything is not a battle. There are big injustices (worth fighting) and little ones (just being human), and I commit them at roughly the same rate as others, although I’d like to think differently, lol. I don’t have to gear up for war every time. Or drink myself into oblivion to try to tamp down my anger. It’s so hard to change my thinking - I’ve been in defense mode for so long.
But, and it’s a big but...everything is not a battle. There are big injustices (worth fighting) and little ones (just being human), and I commit them at roughly the same rate as others, although I’d like to think differently, lol. I don’t have to gear up for war every time. Or drink myself into oblivion to try to tamp down my anger. It’s so hard to change my thinking - I’ve been in defense mode for so long.
Intellectually, I knew life was not fair, easy and painless, but my emotions felt different. When my necktie was not perfect and I had to redo it, when I dropped my keys while rushing to work, caught in a traffic jams, altercations with wife or kids, etc. All these little adversities (cumulative trauma) would creep up on me (conscious or not), during the week and on the weekends I would decide to get wasted. The interesting finding was in retrospect, I decided early in the week that I was going to get wasted, because I deserved too. lol. I would regain control of my emotions, my feelings with a mood changer of drugs and alcohol.
The bottom line for me was addictive behavior was a behavior used to regain control over helpless situations. The antidote is to find high value, more healthy behaviors to regain control.
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Posts: 199
Too true, CRRHC. Perceiving frustrations and slights just to get permission to drink, when that’s what I really wanted to do anyway. When you’re hellbent on drinking, your favorite TV show getting preempted is a good enough reason, lol.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by eyes99
Too true, CRRHC. Perceiving frustrations and slights just to get permission to drink, when that’s what I really wanted to do anyway. When you’re hellbent on drinking, your favorite TV show getting preempted is a good enough reason, lol.
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
I found in early sobriety everything annoyed the heck out of me. The littlest things would just set me off. I tried to keep this in mind when it seemed like my wife was getting on me and things tended to ease up pretty quick instead of elevating.
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Tekink, I still don’t see this as little, lol. It’s more of a pattern of him scapegoating me when he feels bad for whatever reason. It’s a very bad habit that he has always had. But maybe my mind will change?
Either way, I won’t drink. And my behavior is the only one that I can control.
Either way, I won’t drink. And my behavior is the only one that I can control.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by eyes99
Either way, I won’t drink. And my behavior is the only one that I can control.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 199
Thanks tomsteve. I’m trying to find that right balance. I know my boundaries and can communicate them, but I then internalize any negative response and it turns into anger and resentment. I don’t have to react that way. I can hold firm with my actions instead, and let the other person own the consequences of this actions.
It’s tough, though. I really want to pound the person into respecting my boundaries. And then drink over it no matter the outcome. Le
Sigh...
It’s tough, though. I really want to pound the person into respecting my boundaries. And then drink over it no matter the outcome. Le
Sigh...
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by eyes99
And no, it’s not my kids, but my husband - lol! Yesterday, he was getting sick and was a major PITA. Now, I have no problem playing nurse, but he refused all of my recommendations, wouldn’t go to bed so that I could wait on him, and was just generally a bear. He was really unfair and lousy to everyone in the house, then accused me of trying to start a fight when I asked him to just go to bed instead of lashing out. I normally would have had several drinks over that.
But I didn’t.
I sucked it up, had a piece of pie, and went to sleep. This morning, I called him at work and asked him if he thought he was getting the flu. When he said no, I told him that he was acting an ass over a cold, and to either come home and go to bed or take some DayQuil and stop bitching at everybody. He laughed, and I laughed too.
I have a tendency to make things larger than life in my head and get incredibly resentful. I was soooo mad at him yesterday! The only reason that I didn’t drink was because I didn’t want to be “weak” and give him ammo. I have to work on that. But, he wasn’t the tyrant that I had made him out to be in my mind - he was just a fifty-something having a temper tantrum because he didn’t feel well. Not ideal, but I can work with that. Nothing to drink over.
Here’s to sobriety!
But I didn’t.
I sucked it up, had a piece of pie, and went to sleep. This morning, I called him at work and asked him if he thought he was getting the flu. When he said no, I told him that he was acting an ass over a cold, and to either come home and go to bed or take some DayQuil and stop bitching at everybody. He laughed, and I laughed too.
I have a tendency to make things larger than life in my head and get incredibly resentful. I was soooo mad at him yesterday! The only reason that I didn’t drink was because I didn’t want to be “weak” and give him ammo. I have to work on that. But, he wasn’t the tyrant that I had made him out to be in my mind - he was just a fifty-something having a temper tantrum because he didn’t feel well. Not ideal, but I can work with that. Nothing to drink over.
Here’s to sobriety!
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