Gratefulness

I have been in Alanon for almost 3 years now. I fell in love with an Alcoholic. (I understand Alcoholism is a self diagnosed disease so as far as i can see he has a drinking problem. And I only realized his drinking problem a month ago after a week away I came back to find 2 empty bottles of Scotch.) When I began seeing the signs of his behavior I felt myself drift from my program. I felt incredible SHAME. Bc how could I allow myself to fall in love with another addict?!? I knew better! I have a very strong program. That i work daily. Finally, I spoke with my sponsor about it who is an angel. And she said to lean into my program. I have been. But, last week i found disturbing drug paraphernalia. I am heart broken. And exhausted. It’s exactly what i went through with ex’s. My father is an active alcoholic. Sadly, i am attracted to the same man over and over. I thought this man was different. Bc my ex’s were gregarious drinkers and he doesn’t go out at all. He drinks alone. And hid it really well. & We are together 6 months now. He is a great man in so many ways. Incredibly loving, sweet, kind, thoughtful...But has this addiction that i have zero control over. HP is the only one in control. And so i am praying, meditating, and asking for help from hp constantly. Any prayers are welcome. I have lived this story many times before and I know how it ends. We are taking pause for the next week for me to get myself together. And for him to see what he wants (with AA.) No contact is helping Bc then I’m not checking up on him to see if he went to a meeting etc. my sponsor said we have to give others the dignity of choosing to live their lives as they choose. Again, not my will. Hp.

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here but this is a place of great support.
I think no contact is a sensible move for you both.

D

Gratefulness

Thanks so much I appreciate it D 🤗