W999

So I'm still in this drinking episode. AW has used up finances to buy drink and I refuse to spend more money on this crap, there are bills to pay. She's constantly demanding that I go get her drink, she's taking sleeping pills of various kinds and saying she's going to die. She's been drinking 30 units a day for a week and is in quite a state.

She wants me to get her an emergency doctor appointment to get her some Librium.

All of this is nothing new but I just wanted to post here to get some sort of outlet.

Thanks

FeelingGreat

Hi W, do you think you'd better get a doctor around or take her to emergency? Sounds like she needs a medical detox. If she stops on her own she may withdraw too quickly, which can be dangerous.

Good on you for keeping the money away from her. Have you got a plan for the future or will you just take it as it comes?

PeacefulWater12

How exhausting for you. Please take care of yourself.

Good work on refusing to enable AW by giving money. That takes strength.

W999

Just back from the doctor. She gave her a detox (Librium). She has has a dosage of this and still demanding more drink. I reckon she's had a home detox like this about 35 times. The usual format is she will begin to calm down but it's so mega stressful having here constantly, and I mean all day, nagging me to go and buy alcohol. I am not going to give in to this.

W999

When things are like this it's so hard to withdraw that at times. She will blackmail saying it's her money too etc etc. I have the right to protect the money for what it's needed for, though.

Am I right? I am completely right to not give her money, not buy her alcohol?

SparkleKitty

It may be half her money but you are not responsible for spending it for her. I fear, though, bickering over where the money comes from is just a distraction from the real issue, which is that you don't want to live like this anymore. You can continue to wait for her to change, but I think you've seen where that's gotten you, or you can focus on changing yourself.

PeacefulWater12

MY AH used to do all this stuff. Emotional blackmail etc. He doesn't do it now as he knows i will take no notice.

Sure it may be jointly earned income, as mine and hubby's is, but the bills have top priority.

hopeful4

Yes, this. I hope you take good care of you, I cannot imagine the stress.

AnvilheadII

if you two lived apart, i presume she would have some money of her own and you would as well. and you would each spend your money as you each see fit.

i understand very much wanting to protect the finances. i'm unlcear if you both work? do you each bring in income? if so, there's kind of a greyish/black line there about how much control YOU get over HER income.

if however you are the sole provider, you have every right to refuse to fund her drinking.

at the very VERY least, NEVER buy her alcohol for her. we can't on hand rail against them for drinking and then run out and buy them MORE to drink.

it doesn't sound like this is gonna get any better. are you considering different options FOR YOU?

Bekindalways

W999 can you do something to take care of yourself at the very least remove yourself from the nagging even if it is just to take a walk, go to a library or coffee shop for a bit?

Ladysadie

Plan B. You need an action plan for you. This is just amazing on a level you don't want. Hope you are safe. Best of everything to you. TG you are here. So sorry for you. My heart goes out to you and even to her. xxoo

Spinner-007

W999: I like what someone else said: go for a long walk, get a cup of coffee, maybe catch up with a good friend that has a good ear.

Get some distance from her and do something good for yourself every time she asks for more booze. She appears resigned to her demise so do something that'll help stop from being taken down with her...