New, but not new...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 1
New, but not new...
Hi,
I'll start with a little background check. I grew up in the greater Pittsburgh area and now reside in Pittsburgh. I hold a Bachelors of Science in Civil Engineering from Penn State. I started to drink when I was 14, now I am 32. Throughout the years, Alcohol and weed and pills (Xanax,Ritalin,Adderall,dexedrine, anabolic steroids) were all I used until 24. My drinking sort of "ebbed and waved",especially through college.
At 24, I crossed the "needle barrier", BUT only for intramuscular injection of anabolic steroids. Needless to say I got addicted from the get-go and that eventually led me to injury in a year or so that required surgical intervention in 2011. After surgery I basically got addicted to oxycodone long story short I'm using the Google voice so I apologize for any inconsistencies but I'm just not going to punctuate it over everything
So after the pain pills ended I still was dependent on oxycodone so I started buying them off the street and eventually off the internet and was strung out. I got to finish my last year of school but that was only due to Suboxone maintenance... After that pain pills became more expensive so I turn to Heroin. I snorted it at first and within less than two months I had injected it I put it down for a bit went to jail got a good job after that surprisingly but was terminated pretty quickly and I then started too heavily use Coke at that time and went back on Suboxone for a bit then I went full-blown IV heroin coupled with the lifestyle I was living selling steroids and Coke which I was never a good coke dealer I eventually ended up in jail again I spent 8 months in jail was released on County parole and made it about 4 weeks and I had a needle in my arm I played my parole officer for a while and after about three months of me having failed urines ended up back in the slammer then I got out nobody wanted anything to do with me became homeless started Living on the streets after exhausting all the other options burning the bridges actively using the whole time started out on the streets Pittsburgh panhandling stealing robbing doing whatever living under a bridge just to shoot dope smoke crack Bella 2016 then in 2016 at the same time of the year as we are in now I developed a very bad abscess infection in my right arm well I let that go for about 3 or 4 weeks because I'm just getting high one more time I would go and get it checked out eventually into my arm being hardened with staph and strep to almost 22 inches in circumference. I developed sepsis, endocarditis, DVT,blood clots and required emergency surgery. After a while post op one of my attending physicians while I was hospitalized decided to switch me to methadone for pain control that was to ultimately be switched to methadone maintenance in a clinic because the doctors feared so badly that I would just go back out and shoot dope again. So methadone was good for about the first week I got f****** wrecked on it but something was missing at that point and at the same time all this was going on in the first few weeks after getting out of the hospital I had met a very beautiful girl who had just gotten out of prison for ironically selling Heroin it was during this time I started to drink heavily because the methadone wasn't giving me that thing that I was used to getting from shooting dope and this continue for the next about year-and-a-half and the methadone clinic knew I was drinking I've been to detox a few times but went right back out and drink again and then I got kicked out October of 2017 you're walking into the clinic intoxicated and threatening the place so I had to cold turkey off that and that was a wreck and then I went to detox they gave me suboxone and the my usual alcohol protocol. After that I went to rehab at the same place twice and 3 months got drunk right after getting out both times have not really going back to the opiates getting off methadone because methadone pissed me off so bad about getting dope sick and b******* and I just hate the people involved with Heroin so I kept drinking and again and after that I was able to get almost a month and then I ran into an old friends that had sub solve so I took that and shot it and then I was back on the street buying dope again the first bundle I bought was Fentanyl and I knew it so luckily I didn't overdose. Then I got the next bundle my tolerance was way down and it was real heroin and I enjoyed it but I do to put myself in check and stop there so then I started drinking again arrested again stupid s***and then I've come to the point with the drinking
Been going to AA but really don't seem to be helping where I go so I'm looking for other options and I've weened myself down and it highly agitates me when people say you need to go to a detox or or treatments and I was like I have been to 13 rehab in about 30 detoxes in the past 3 years so that obviously does not work rehab are b*******all's I do is fine other people like me and it's toxic because those places are not real anyway the real world is still out there so that's where I'm at to this point
I'll start with a little background check. I grew up in the greater Pittsburgh area and now reside in Pittsburgh. I hold a Bachelors of Science in Civil Engineering from Penn State. I started to drink when I was 14, now I am 32. Throughout the years, Alcohol and weed and pills (Xanax,Ritalin,Adderall,dexedrine, anabolic steroids) were all I used until 24. My drinking sort of "ebbed and waved",especially through college.
At 24, I crossed the "needle barrier", BUT only for intramuscular injection of anabolic steroids. Needless to say I got addicted from the get-go and that eventually led me to injury in a year or so that required surgical intervention in 2011. After surgery I basically got addicted to oxycodone long story short I'm using the Google voice so I apologize for any inconsistencies but I'm just not going to punctuate it over everything
So after the pain pills ended I still was dependent on oxycodone so I started buying them off the street and eventually off the internet and was strung out. I got to finish my last year of school but that was only due to Suboxone maintenance... After that pain pills became more expensive so I turn to Heroin. I snorted it at first and within less than two months I had injected it I put it down for a bit went to jail got a good job after that surprisingly but was terminated pretty quickly and I then started too heavily use Coke at that time and went back on Suboxone for a bit then I went full-blown IV heroin coupled with the lifestyle I was living selling steroids and Coke which I was never a good coke dealer I eventually ended up in jail again I spent 8 months in jail was released on County parole and made it about 4 weeks and I had a needle in my arm I played my parole officer for a while and after about three months of me having failed urines ended up back in the slammer then I got out nobody wanted anything to do with me became homeless started Living on the streets after exhausting all the other options burning the bridges actively using the whole time started out on the streets Pittsburgh panhandling stealing robbing doing whatever living under a bridge just to shoot dope smoke crack Bella 2016 then in 2016 at the same time of the year as we are in now I developed a very bad abscess infection in my right arm well I let that go for about 3 or 4 weeks because I'm just getting high one more time I would go and get it checked out eventually into my arm being hardened with staph and strep to almost 22 inches in circumference. I developed sepsis, endocarditis, DVT,blood clots and required emergency surgery. After a while post op one of my attending physicians while I was hospitalized decided to switch me to methadone for pain control that was to ultimately be switched to methadone maintenance in a clinic because the doctors feared so badly that I would just go back out and shoot dope again. So methadone was good for about the first week I got f****** wrecked on it but something was missing at that point and at the same time all this was going on in the first few weeks after getting out of the hospital I had met a very beautiful girl who had just gotten out of prison for ironically selling Heroin it was during this time I started to drink heavily because the methadone wasn't giving me that thing that I was used to getting from shooting dope and this continue for the next about year-and-a-half and the methadone clinic knew I was drinking I've been to detox a few times but went right back out and drink again and then I got kicked out October of 2017 you're walking into the clinic intoxicated and threatening the place so I had to cold turkey off that and that was a wreck and then I went to detox they gave me suboxone and the my usual alcohol protocol. After that I went to rehab at the same place twice and 3 months got drunk right after getting out both times have not really going back to the opiates getting off methadone because methadone pissed me off so bad about getting dope sick and b******* and I just hate the people involved with Heroin so I kept drinking and again and after that I was able to get almost a month and then I ran into an old friends that had sub solve so I took that and shot it and then I was back on the street buying dope again the first bundle I bought was Fentanyl and I knew it so luckily I didn't overdose. Then I got the next bundle my tolerance was way down and it was real heroin and I enjoyed it but I do to put myself in check and stop there so then I started drinking again arrested again stupid s***and then I've come to the point with the drinking
Been going to AA but really don't seem to be helping where I go so I'm looking for other options and I've weened myself down and it highly agitates me when people say you need to go to a detox or or treatments and I was like I have been to 13 rehab in about 30 detoxes in the past 3 years so that obviously does not work rehab are b*******all's I do is fine other people like me and it's toxic because those places are not real anyway the real world is still out there so that's where I'm at to this point
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: North Yorkshire UK
Posts: 765
Hello and welcome. Quite a life to have lived in such a short period of time. I am sure you will find help and support here. The most important part now is to commit to a better way of life. A clean life. Wishing you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Welcome to SR, Valentinov; so very glad that you found us.
There are many ways to achieve sobriety and true recovery. Finding the right one for you is key to success.
There is a very good SR thread on the importance of a Plan. I will post a link in a moment.
There are many ways to achieve sobriety and true recovery. Finding the right one for you is key to success.
There is a very good SR thread on the importance of a Plan. I will post a link in a moment.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
I found, Valentinov, that for me recovery was a multi-layered process. Sobriety was essential but it was only one of the layers.
It took huge amounts of thoughtful consideration and digging into my past to create each layer of the recovery process. It was a little like peeling away the layers of an onion, very carefully and slowly one at a time, in order to reach the core of my alcoholism. I had to look at the total puzzle of my life, break it down and examine it piece by piece, in order to put it together again into a healthier life with healthier behaviors and healthier coping tools.
Life is exponentially better for me now; I cherish sobriety and recovery.
I hope you find the same. It is absolutely possible to do so.
It took huge amounts of thoughtful consideration and digging into my past to create each layer of the recovery process. It was a little like peeling away the layers of an onion, very carefully and slowly one at a time, in order to reach the core of my alcoholism. I had to look at the total puzzle of my life, break it down and examine it piece by piece, in order to put it together again into a healthier life with healthier behaviors and healthier coping tools.
Life is exponentially better for me now; I cherish sobriety and recovery.
I hope you find the same. It is absolutely possible to do so.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Valentinov - it's great to have you join us. Thank you for telling your story. I knew at your age that I needed to stop, but I did nothing about it. Many year of chaos ensued. I'm so glad you're in the process of reclaiming your life. Being here really helps because we can exchange thoughts & ideas with like minded people who have been there. Welcome!
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
the problem: my selfish self- centered nature
the drugs and alcohol were the symptom of the real problem which is me
the solution: thinking less about myself by being of service to others
coffee maker
chair set up/ clean up
greeter
giving rides
supplies buyer
treasurer
secretary
sponsorship
phone hotline
general service
intergroup
hospitals & institutions
the drugs and alcohol were the symptom of the real problem which is me
the solution: thinking less about myself by being of service to others
coffee maker
chair set up/ clean up
greeter
giving rides
supplies buyer
treasurer
secretary
sponsorship
phone hotline
general service
intergroup
hospitals & institutions
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Valentinov,
Welcome!
I believe that the motivation to recover is the most important thing. If AA and rehabs have not worked, keep trying and keep motivated. Find what works for you and stick with it.
Welcome!
I believe that the motivation to recover is the most important thing. If AA and rehabs have not worked, keep trying and keep motivated. Find what works for you and stick with it.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Val,
What you wrote was a horror story sir.
I was feeling the persistent effects of my drinking at 27. I started drinking to get drunk, periodically, at 5 years old. Dad was busy I figure. I forgive him.
So, if you are anything like me, you can physically quit, but mentally it has been impossible.
I suffered hell on earth getting this clean. I still do sometimes.
In scientific terms, I have irreversible brain damage from booze. Parts of my brain are dead forever. My brain is still rewiring. it takes years and relapse looms the entire time.
Folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety.
I pray to God that I never forget the hell I endured. It will keep my clean.
Thanks.
What you wrote was a horror story sir.
I was feeling the persistent effects of my drinking at 27. I started drinking to get drunk, periodically, at 5 years old. Dad was busy I figure. I forgive him.
So, if you are anything like me, you can physically quit, but mentally it has been impossible.
I suffered hell on earth getting this clean. I still do sometimes.
In scientific terms, I have irreversible brain damage from booze. Parts of my brain are dead forever. My brain is still rewiring. it takes years and relapse looms the entire time.
Folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety.
I pray to God that I never forget the hell I endured. It will keep my clean.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
What a living nightmare you've put yourself and others through. Get a plan worked up,own your 'stuff' and work the hell out of your sobriety plan. Not judging you...I/we have all done some messed up stuff due to our addiction issues,but what you do from here forward can change/save your life and the lives of others.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
You don't seem like a "sit still and read a book" type of person.
Neither am I. A rollercoaster ride of a life is what I choose and who I am naturally, unfortunately my alcoholism addiction is the fuel to my rollercoaster tendencies.
Sounds like we both need to rewire how we actually perceive life.
Neither am I. A rollercoaster ride of a life is what I choose and who I am naturally, unfortunately my alcoholism addiction is the fuel to my rollercoaster tendencies.
Sounds like we both need to rewire how we actually perceive life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome to SR Valentinov. SR is composed of awesome folks. I agree with Dee. We can help you turn your life around. Stick around, read threads and posts. Post yourself if you feel like it. I spent a huge amount of time here in my early days. Being here reinforces my decision to remain alcohol free. SR helps - it really does!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 129
That’s a rollercoaster of a life you’ve lived right there, but that doesn’t make change impossible. There are others here who have lived many of the experiences you’ve outlined and have succeeded in moving away from the chaos and addiction. Pleased to see you here and I very much hope this community can support you. Sending all my best to you.
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