Loved one trying to find support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 1
Loved one trying to find support
Hi all,
This is my first attempt at reaching out to people other then family and friends. I recently moved out of a home I shared with my ex for two years because of is drinking and drug use. When we met he was in a pretty dark place and it took him six months after that day to hit rock bottom and put him self into rehab. He was sober for 18 months following that but turned his addiction away from substances and towards work. He didn't take part of any after care to continue on a sober path. He thought after 18 months being sober that he was able to drink responsibly again and that this time it wouldnt send him back to doing drugs.
It took a few months for him to really fall back into it. I casually drank with him which I now know was wrong of me. He started hiding booze in his truck and would pretend to go out for a smoke when really he was downing half a mickie of rum. I started to notice a change in him that was all to familiar. He was getting aggressive and rude, would say hurt full things and try and blame me for things I had no control over. He then started using drugs again. Hes been on a bender for the last five weeks where he hasn't been sober longer then a few hours. He spent over two grand last week on booze and coke alone.
A few days ago he asked me to come over to talk and I spent the following days helping him detox. He says he knows where he wants to be in life and that he needs to become sober and I believe him but I dont know how he is supposed to do it on his own.
My question is, has any one here had a loved one or them selfs gotten through the addiction with out rehab? He has tons of support through sober friends where we live, family members and my self but at this very moment rehab is not a viable option. But I am worried it isnt possible to become sober with so many temptations around. Any advice or help is appreciated.
This is my first attempt at reaching out to people other then family and friends. I recently moved out of a home I shared with my ex for two years because of is drinking and drug use. When we met he was in a pretty dark place and it took him six months after that day to hit rock bottom and put him self into rehab. He was sober for 18 months following that but turned his addiction away from substances and towards work. He didn't take part of any after care to continue on a sober path. He thought after 18 months being sober that he was able to drink responsibly again and that this time it wouldnt send him back to doing drugs.
It took a few months for him to really fall back into it. I casually drank with him which I now know was wrong of me. He started hiding booze in his truck and would pretend to go out for a smoke when really he was downing half a mickie of rum. I started to notice a change in him that was all to familiar. He was getting aggressive and rude, would say hurt full things and try and blame me for things I had no control over. He then started using drugs again. Hes been on a bender for the last five weeks where he hasn't been sober longer then a few hours. He spent over two grand last week on booze and coke alone.
A few days ago he asked me to come over to talk and I spent the following days helping him detox. He says he knows where he wants to be in life and that he needs to become sober and I believe him but I dont know how he is supposed to do it on his own.
My question is, has any one here had a loved one or them selfs gotten through the addiction with out rehab? He has tons of support through sober friends where we live, family members and my self but at this very moment rehab is not a viable option. But I am worried it isnt possible to become sober with so many temptations around. Any advice or help is appreciated.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Welcome, and I'm sorry for your situation.
Yes, people do recover from addiction without rehab, but I think it depends completely on the motivation of the person who is addicted.
You might check out AlAnon in your area as a support for you.
Also, we have a Friends & Families Forum you could take a look at:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Yes, people do recover from addiction without rehab, but I think it depends completely on the motivation of the person who is addicted.
You might check out AlAnon in your area as a support for you.
Also, we have a Friends & Families Forum you could take a look at:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I suggest asking HIM what support he plans to use, how HE will make changes and take actions to support sobriety.
Then focus on your boundaries, be clear and firm about your expectations and be prepared to honor all of them...
You can’t do it for him.... and it’s very unlikely he can do it alone. Take care of yourself and don’t get invested in trying to save him.
Then focus on your boundaries, be clear and firm about your expectations and be prepared to honor all of them...
You can’t do it for him.... and it’s very unlikely he can do it alone. Take care of yourself and don’t get invested in trying to save him.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I hope you will take good care of yourself. 
And I hope he decides he wants sobriety. It is possible without rehab. I've been to rehab but didn't get sober then. When I finally got sober it was cause I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. 
And I hope he decides he wants sobriety. It is possible without rehab. I've been to rehab but didn't get sober then. When I finally got sober it was cause I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. 
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