MantaLady

Hi, have been browsing these forums for a while now and sometimes has helped me not take my drinking so far or even not drink for the night. Thanks to AlphaOmega for an old post that was bumped this week, I have printed it off and it is now stuck on my wall for inspiration xx

I am a mess, I don't like myself, I am an angry drunk but a nice sober person...just don't get it how smoothly the transition takes place...it's stealth ill health!

I have booked into a rehab facility for 60 days, costing me my life savings, scared it won't work then what will I do?

Not really sure why I am posting now or what I want to say. I guess with all the advice out there on getting people around you that understand and can support I am reaching out here.

Thanks and best regards
MantaLady xx

Caralara144

Hey hunni
Welcome ..we all started off just like you
Scared ...
Try an think positive it's not easy but it's so worth it ❤️
I was just like you I guess many of us were
I was an angry drunk
Sober I wouldn't hurt a fly
I'm only four months but already I feel so much better
It's so worth it
I'm glad your going in to rehab
You will be well looked after
Big hugs
And keep posting
Caralara ❤️

MantaLady

I am even getting anxiety that the title of my post is not exciting enough as I am a dull person. Newer posts have been viewed many times but mine is sat there with one view...

I despair that even when I try to reach out I am so dull no one really wants to listen. I am not a comedian, have low self confidence if I have any at all...

Sorry to come across so needy but I had this vision of posting and getting immediate responses. Not your fault just my unrealistic expectations and desperate need to be accepted by a community that gets me. Shoot me now lol xx

Hevyn

It's a great post, MantaLady - never fear. Very glad to have you join us - this is a wonderful place for encouragement. You don't sound the least bit dull.

I drank 30 yrs. It was part of everything I did. I was confrontational & anxious all the time - but even though it was killing me, I was so afraid to let go of it. Talking things over here really helped me - everyone understood, & I was no longer alone. We definitely get you.

snitch

Awwww MantaLady. Big hugs to you. I am just browsing around and I just read your post and I wasn't going to post a reply. Not because your post or title was "boring"! But because I am only 4 days sober (or 5? It was a baaad binge lol not even sure when my last drink was!!) And wasn't really sure what or if any advice I can give. I can't speak for others but I know my alcoholism stems from being insecure and not feeling good enough so I can totally see why you might be thinking those thoughts. I am not sure how or why or when anyone in particulars post is read. My post was simply entitled "powerless" . Not very imaginative hey but that was simply because that was exactly how I was feeling at the time. My only advice would be, don't worry about trying fo be funny or witty or whatever. Just post from your heart. Wishing you all the best in rehab. You will never know if you don't try and I think you are very brave for trying.
X x

MantaLady

Thanks Guys and Gals. I have always not been unable to handle my drink even when I didn't have a problem.

I have lost friends, jobs, my driving licence through this. I have periods of abstinence and then all of a sudden I am a frightful drunken mess, upsetting friends, drunk dialling, getting angry and being mean on instagram. I wake up sometimes in the morning feeling sick, I have to check my work email...what did I say if anything... then my whatsapp messages...what did I say who did I ring.

I hate feeling like this. I really hope that not drunk I am a nice person but I am not proving this to myself right now. I don't want pity, this is of my own doing so some tough love would not go amiss!

MantaLady xx

Caralara144

Your brilliant by just being here lovely
I could have wrote your story as I to was excausted from drinking,; guilt shame
Don't be to hard on yourself
Your very brave for what your doing
I'm rooting for you
Lots of hugs
Caralara ❤️

Ringo123

AA is a lot cheaper than rehab! That's the path I took, but it's not for everyone. My heart goes out to MantaLady. I understand low self esteem; I remember it well.

The more esteemable acts I do (like staying sober, helping others) the better I feel about myself. After quite a bit of time and effort, my demons only whisper to me occasionally instead of ruling my life.

Why not try out a meeting in addition to rehab? Anything is worth a try. God bless you.

thomas11

Hi and welcome. Congratulations on your decision to go seek treatment. Think positive, use the tools they give you and learn as much as possible. I believe you will be successful if you do that. Others will likely chime in on their experience.

MantaLady

Thanks for the replies so far, overwhelmed!

I do not deny anyone's right to believe in a god but that is not for me. If it works for you then all power to you and I respect that. xx

That is the reason I can't engage in a lot of the AA practices. For me to accept and relinquish yourself to god doesn't work for me. I need to rely and believe in myself, that is the only way I can survive and succeed. To me relying on god rather than yourself if just creating another addiction...

MantaLady xxx

easyontheeyes

Glad you're here!

My personal opinion, as an atheist who now honestly kindddaaa likes AA, is that anyone, even us non-believers, can find something for us at the right meeting. I don't think there's any harm in opening yourself to some kind of spirituality, but that's just been my experience. I hope you find the right path for you, and welcome.

icewater1961

AA people do not believe in any particular God. Many are Christian but is called a higher power of your understanding and you don't need to believe what most believe. Yes it is largely a spiritual program but the point is the surrender (powerless against alcohol) and fellowship. Has YOUR plan for yourself and you worked out well? Apparently not if you are still a struggling alcoholic. But there are so many other ways for recovery than AA, if you read this forum extensively there are lots of anecdotes, web links and references. Perhaps an outpatient program and counseling?

MantaLady

Absolutely agree! The reason I chose this rehab is they deal with the whole person and not just one aspect of addiction.

You have to do 3 hours of exercise a day mandatory, you can chose between swimming, running or cycling or mu thai boxing. You have 2 group therapy sessions a day 3 personal sessions a week, organic non processed food etc.

I hope I can learn some more positive coping strategies?

It is also more aligned to Buddhist methodology which I can accept as I believe it to be a philosophy rather than religion (depending how you look at it!) It's all about mindfulness.

I am not rich by any means but what I do have is best invested in me no?

Just don't want to let myself down and fail xx

icewater1961

I think everyone here would agree that you need a detailed plan for what to do when you get out of rehab! The one you are in sounds great, But if you go back to your old ways when you are out of there, that will have to change.

Rar

Hi MantaLady. Welcome to the SR family. We've all been afraid when we've committed to sobriety. Some days are extra tough for me and I'm still afraid.

You mention spending your life savings on rehab. One of my best friends spent her life savings (at the time) and did 30 day inpatient treatment and then some time in a sober living house. Probably 30 or more years have passed and she's still sober. You CAN do this.

SR is the main tool in my toolbox. I try to stay pretty close. The folks here are so wise, understanding, compassionate and non judgmental. Oh - truthful and honest too....

I look forward to hearing more from you. Again.....Welcome.

MantaLady

The place I am going helps you to develop a sober recovery plan after leaving.

Who am I kidding here, re-typed the last sentence 4 times to not appear drunk...

I want to change, I will change but I am a mess right now grr!!

Bird615

Welcome to SR, MantaLady!

It's okay to feel scared; I was too, but I was even more scared of keeping on drinking so I found people who knew about staying sober and listened to them.

It's not easy getting sober but it is so very much worth it.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Manta Lady - really glad to have you join us

I had just about lost hope when I got to SR but the support and good iodeas here helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you do the same

We have a support thread for everyone quitting this month - all you have to do to join is post in it - check it out

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-2-a-12.html

D

icewater1961

Carry on the exercise that you like and find kindness and kindered spirits. Although I am Roman Catholic I went to a retreat called Yogaville. It is interfaith, lots of yoga and meditation. They had a Buddhist monk as a featured speaker, too. And I would think that people in AA would respect your opinion. If not, indeed find a different meeting or another program! Mindfulness is great, just find the right group and there is a lot about it on line too. Videos and daily exercises. My sister is not an addict but she does mindfulness every day and Tai-Chi (shadow boxing) when she can.

PennyLane76

Welcome Mantalady.

I think what you are doing, the rehab, is very brave. Your life savings is for your life, yes? And you are doing what you need to save your life. Awesome