ptarmigan

Like everyone here I have this problem with drinking too much alcohol. If I was to say when it became a real problem I'd say that it happened when I became obsessed about trying to stop, which was in my 30's - I'm 56 now. Up until then I enjoyed it, went out, but had no idea about packing it in, just getting drunk at weekends, no hang on I always got drunk to excess but it wasn't every day.
It was only when I used to sit there with my then beloved and drink at home that I recognised it as the problem that it's become.
I think the two things go hand in hand. If you have a firm, compulsive resolution to quit you're bound to create a problem that wasn't there at such a level. The idea of "I must stop drinking" creates the struggle. I think that's true. It's a cart before the horse argument I know.
I have to say that I don't think a realisation like I'm talking about that can solve it just like that of course. You can't go back and uncreate this mindset.
I just don't want to be fighting forever - which I see myself doing. I've been thinking just to let it go. Let it sort itself out. It seems like an illusion to me. To stop fighting it might be the route that might bring some success. Stop fighting it.
That's mental isn't it? But I've got an idea that that's the direction to go down. I fight all the time and I have some good sober periods but like an elastic band the relapse gets stronger and stronger every time.
All the knowledge in the world about alcohol, all the common sense about alcohol, doesn't do any good.
It's just constant hell. If I drink, I get no pleasure and it's doing me harm and if I don't drink - which I can do - I know that alcohol is lurking in the background.
I've got an idea about surrender.
I don't know the answer, but does anyone have any understanding about what I'm going on about? Is anyone able to tell me about any philosophies that might chime with what I'm going on about?
I want to know if you're thinking along my lines here. I know the physical harm, the mental harm, how it destroys relationships, the financial cost and everything else but it doesn't help me. Deep down, I don't listen to that. The intellect has no influence.
I think I made it a problem when I started an all or nothing war against myself.
Of course, I'm desperate at the moment. I need another direction. I do think that fighting myself all the time isn't helping me.
The fast or slow escalator, we're all going the same way.
Anyway, does anyone have any ideas about an alternative to a complete resistance?

Anna

I do believe that when you tell yourself you will never drink again, it can be overwhelming and seem impossible, which allows you to continue drinking. But, if you can get past that point, sobriety can seem like a reality.

The idea of alcohol lurking in the background if you don't drink is true. But, I think many of us find that the lurking lessens as we move along in recovery.

I think it's important to remember that stopping drinking is only the beginning. At that point, I needed to make changes in my life, from the inside out. What changes have you made in your lifestyle when you've stopped drinking? Those are the things that will encourage your sobriety.

Nonsensical

Try "I choose to live a sober life" on for size.

No one forced sobriety upon me. I chose it.

I could do anything I wanted with my life.

Or I could drink.

But I damn sure couldn't do both.

I chose sobriety, and it has never been a punishment. I cashed the winning lottery ticket, and I never shed a tear over the dollar I spent to buy it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

ptarmigan

You're right. But you've got to actually choose it. I have the idea that most people will only choose it when they've no alternative.
I think it's a negative for everyone until that's the only thing you can do. Certainly not to criticise a faith but I'd equate it to all the people who would say that when they got to rock bottom they reached out to Jesus.
I can try to convince myself that it's a positive but I don't seem to follow that logic.
I'm not arguing a point - I have no point. I think that every action I make creates a reaction. Every morning when I wake up and say that I won't drink again creates a struggle. It's easier if I get through that day of course.
I'm not enjoying life at all. The sobriety is just waiting for the next failure. Maybe I'm abnormal and I don't have the willpower. It's just that I don't think that that's the problem. I know I'm not especially weak.
I don't think that avoiding all alcohol venues is any sensible answer, certainly not. I don't want that.
I'm just thinking that there might be another way because the complete denial way certainly doesn't seem too successful.
I have an idea that maybe a change of thinking might be more successful.

J50

Agree with Non.

I can't/won't drink anymore vs. I don't want to drink anymore are two different ways to approach sobriety.

When we look at it as a fight or struggle, I think we set ourselves up for failure.

The way to win is to surrender, wave the white flag, and walk away.

Alcohol isn't worth fighting for.

ptarmigan

The I can't/won't solution is what I'm questioning.
The fight and struggle thing you speak of is the problem, I agree. I think we resolve it in a different way - actually to be honest, I don't resolve it at all.
For me to be in a position to say that I've stopped drinking, there's no fight anymore, it's all over, it's the end, doesn't seem realistic. I can't end it with resolution. It's never worked.
I say, I don't know any alternative but I was just interested in the idea that maybe it was my insistence on giving up that created this addiction.
But, most of you are sober and I'm drunk so my words probably aren't that meaningful.

J50

Maybe identifying why you want to quit would help. Do you want to improve your health, finances, or relationships? As Simon Sinek says, "what's your why?" Until you identify the why, getting buzzed or drunk will be the priority. When you identify something that is more important, alcohol will take a backseat as it only gets in the way.

doggonecarl

Quit thinking and quit drinking.

Nonsensical

Choose another idea.
Your addiction wants you to be terminally unique and a slave to your circumstances, but it's only true if you choose it to be true.
Choose differently.
Just don't wait for a choice to present itself that leads to a lifetime of zero discomfort. That's a delusion. An addict's delusion. The promised land of zero discomforts.

A certain amount of discomfort is appropriate. Ironically, when you're an addict you are facing discomfort in every direction. A condition I find (in retrospect) wholly appropriate.

Hope, however, does not lie in every direction. You may want to consider that when choosing your course.

There will be hard times ahead, but that's OK. You can do hard things.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

soberista

Youre an addict. Of course your brain is fighting itself. End of argument. Willpower? No. A new way of life? Yes. But the old habits and dopamine receptors die hard. It takes time. Its like potty training. Eventually you get it right and life gets better. More fulfilling. So very damn worth it. Right now if i could show you what it feels like to be enjoying a sober life i would. But youre just going to have to take our word for it. Thats why the AA say just accept your powerless when it comes to the booze. Accept it and build a life starting one day at a time. No fight or argument. Just acceptance. See you around.

ScottFromWI

They are meaningful in the sense that they are familiar, and most of us were still drinking when we came here.

Bottom line, yeah - if you are drunk not much of what you read here is going to make sense. You may not even remember reading it. But if you can come back some day when you aren't drinking you'll see that what everyone is saying does make a lot of sense. And that it's basically just your addiction playing the semantics game with you.

Quitting is a decision and an action you can take at any time.

Dee74

You've heard this before from me but I think you'll get way more of this place posting before you drink Ptermigan.

You've probably heard this too - the problem with waiting until we have no other choice but quit is a lot of people die or end up vegetative before they get to that point.

you can use your intellect to create reason upon reason why you can't stop if you like, but I think your mind is better turned to courses of action you can take to stop drinking and stay stopped, for good.

D