Time to sit and reflect!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 113
Time to sit and reflect!
20 days....
sitting in my garden, sun is shining and just thinking about the last few years. As a 31 year old having spent my 20 believing I’m invincible, I do worry about what alcohol has done to me! The things I can’t see! If I think about what it has done to my mind, trying to trick me into maybe having one or two (I haven’t) but what about the rest? Liver, kidneys, heating etc!!
The last 20 days have had there ups and downs! Have spent a lot of money on “stuff” it has helped (I think) but can’t continue! I seem to care again about myself then the av bucks up and I actually find myself listening for a while! But that’s not caring about myself.. I shouldn’t give it a second!
From stories I’ve read on here I have a question to the people who have listened to the av! When you do have that one or 2 how does that make you feel? Do you enjoy or do you straight away feel down about it? I think if I did do it I would feel down and that the circle would begin again!
I was watching tv last night with my bf, when I say watching I think I was in a world of my own, not sure what I was thinking about.. but I just gave him a hug and burst out crying! I think the fact of 5 weeks away is really starting to hit home! As I said before I think the last few weeks have almost been white nuckling it and the real work begins in 8 days when I go to treatment! Part of me is a little excited to learn and be shown new ways to deal with things and grow as a person while working on the past and things that have got me to here.. part of me wants to run far far away!
I have a good life, not perfect but good, great support and 2 amazing kids that need me as much as I need them! Part of is scared that I will fail them! I know I’m freaking out because really I’m afraid of the unknown! Like the angel and devil on my shoulder!! The devil shouts and wants me to freak out because things aren’t certain and nothing is mapped out like it would be easier to not try and just drink and hope for the best! While the angle in a soft voice whispers it will be okay and life doesn’t always need a plan I just have to trust and believe, what is meant for me won’t pass me by!
Just when the caterpillar thought its life was over, it became a beautiful butterfly 🦋 xx
sitting in my garden, sun is shining and just thinking about the last few years. As a 31 year old having spent my 20 believing I’m invincible, I do worry about what alcohol has done to me! The things I can’t see! If I think about what it has done to my mind, trying to trick me into maybe having one or two (I haven’t) but what about the rest? Liver, kidneys, heating etc!!
The last 20 days have had there ups and downs! Have spent a lot of money on “stuff” it has helped (I think) but can’t continue! I seem to care again about myself then the av bucks up and I actually find myself listening for a while! But that’s not caring about myself.. I shouldn’t give it a second!
From stories I’ve read on here I have a question to the people who have listened to the av! When you do have that one or 2 how does that make you feel? Do you enjoy or do you straight away feel down about it? I think if I did do it I would feel down and that the circle would begin again!
I was watching tv last night with my bf, when I say watching I think I was in a world of my own, not sure what I was thinking about.. but I just gave him a hug and burst out crying! I think the fact of 5 weeks away is really starting to hit home! As I said before I think the last few weeks have almost been white nuckling it and the real work begins in 8 days when I go to treatment! Part of me is a little excited to learn and be shown new ways to deal with things and grow as a person while working on the past and things that have got me to here.. part of me wants to run far far away!
I have a good life, not perfect but good, great support and 2 amazing kids that need me as much as I need them! Part of is scared that I will fail them! I know I’m freaking out because really I’m afraid of the unknown! Like the angel and devil on my shoulder!! The devil shouts and wants me to freak out because things aren’t certain and nothing is mapped out like it would be easier to not try and just drink and hope for the best! While the angle in a soft voice whispers it will be okay and life doesn’t always need a plan I just have to trust and believe, what is meant for me won’t pass me by!
Just when the caterpillar thought its life was over, it became a beautiful butterfly 🦋 xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
Congrats on the 20 days! At this point it is out of your system and if you aren't feeling mostly better you should be soon.
I also worry about what damage I have done to my body. I've been at it a good ten years longer than you and believe me, if you think it hurts at thirty, just wait til 40!😫
In my experience, having a couple after a period of abstinence is anticlimactic. For me, it tastes like **** and I would generally stop after a few. It's almost like you body is trying to protect you. Problem is it awakens the beast which has me back for round two a few days later.
Hang in there. Resist it and push forward!
I also worry about what damage I have done to my body. I've been at it a good ten years longer than you and believe me, if you think it hurts at thirty, just wait til 40!😫
In my experience, having a couple after a period of abstinence is anticlimactic. For me, it tastes like **** and I would generally stop after a few. It's almost like you body is trying to protect you. Problem is it awakens the beast which has me back for round two a few days later.
Hang in there. Resist it and push forward!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 293
Hi!
Just wanted to lend my support to you today. Wishing you the best on the next step in the very important journey towards complete sobriety.
I am at 70 days. The AV comes knocking regularly but I have won some important battles and now it is not nearly so insistent. I play the tape forward and the AV fizzles away.
If I were to drink today I would get a rush of happiness even before I took that first sip in anticipation. I would chug my first beer then the strange " brain swell" would start happening and I would quickly down another one and start to feel a glow. This is where the wheels fall off. Each beer I drink is like I match being struck. Its a quick flare up of happiness and then black. So I keep downing one after the next until I blackout or pass out. Then it's time for awful withdrawals. The worst part is my life stops until the cycle is complete.
What type of treatment are you going to and for how long?
Just wanted to lend my support to you today. Wishing you the best on the next step in the very important journey towards complete sobriety.
I am at 70 days. The AV comes knocking regularly but I have won some important battles and now it is not nearly so insistent. I play the tape forward and the AV fizzles away.
If I were to drink today I would get a rush of happiness even before I took that first sip in anticipation. I would chug my first beer then the strange " brain swell" would start happening and I would quickly down another one and start to feel a glow. This is where the wheels fall off. Each beer I drink is like I match being struck. Its a quick flare up of happiness and then black. So I keep downing one after the next until I blackout or pass out. Then it's time for awful withdrawals. The worst part is my life stops until the cycle is complete.
What type of treatment are you going to and for how long?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Hi Loveisallyouneed. I can understand how fearful you are, but I really believe this will be a wonderful experience for you. You will learn tools and won't have to resort to white knuckling to keep your sobriety.
You're young and your body will surely have the resilience of youth to heal from physical damage. Your treatment will help the emotional part and will probably help the physical part as well.
I know what you mean about caring for yourself, and then again, not caring for yourself. I had a couple of times where I didn't care about myself, thinking, "What's the point?". I posted here first and the fabulously caring folks here talked me out of taking that first drink. SR is a major part of my plan.
My experience in taking that first drink would be similar to GettingCloser's. I'm not a chugger, but I would steadily keep drinking.
You are going to have an awesome experience. This is not a punishment....this is a gift. You've done superbly already at 20 days. Hang in there. Be strong.
You're young and your body will surely have the resilience of youth to heal from physical damage. Your treatment will help the emotional part and will probably help the physical part as well.
I know what you mean about caring for yourself, and then again, not caring for yourself. I had a couple of times where I didn't care about myself, thinking, "What's the point?". I posted here first and the fabulously caring folks here talked me out of taking that first drink. SR is a major part of my plan.
My experience in taking that first drink would be similar to GettingCloser's. I'm not a chugger, but I would steadily keep drinking.
You are going to have an awesome experience. This is not a punishment....this is a gift. You've done superbly already at 20 days. Hang in there. Be strong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by Scramm 
Congrats on the 20 days! At this point it is out of your system and if you aren't feeling mostly better you should be soon.
I also worry about what damage I have done to my body. I've been at it a good ten years longer than you and believe me, if you think it hurts at thirty, just wait til 40!😫
In my experience, having a couple after a period of abstinence is anticlimactic. For me, it tastes like **** and I would generally stop after a few. It's almost like you body is trying to protect you. Problem is it awakens the beast which has me back for round two a few days later.
Hang in there. Resist it and push forward!
I also worry about what damage I have done to my body. I've been at it a good ten years longer than you and believe me, if you think it hurts at thirty, just wait til 40!😫
In my experience, having a couple after a period of abstinence is anticlimactic. For me, it tastes like **** and I would generally stop after a few. It's almost like you body is trying to protect you. Problem is it awakens the beast which has me back for round two a few days later.
Hang in there. Resist it and push forward!
I suppose that’s it really isn’t it? It’s like the grass is always greener when truly it isn’t? X
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by Gettingcloser
Hi!
Just wanted to lend my support to you today. Wishing you the best on the next step in the very important journey towards complete sobriety.
I am at 70 days. The AV comes knocking regularly but I have won some important battles and now it is not nearly so insistent. I play the tape forward and the AV fizzles away.
If I were to drink today I would get a rush of happiness even before I took that first sip in anticipation. I would chug my first beer then the strange " brain swell" would start happening and I would quickly down another one and start to feel a glow. This is where the wheels fall off. Each beer I drink is like I match being struck. Its a quick flare up of happiness and then black. So I keep downing one after the next until I blackout or pass out. Then it's time for awful withdrawals. The worst part is my life stops until the cycle is complete.
What type of treatment are you going to and for how long?
Just wanted to lend my support to you today. Wishing you the best on the next step in the very important journey towards complete sobriety.
I am at 70 days. The AV comes knocking regularly but I have won some important battles and now it is not nearly so insistent. I play the tape forward and the AV fizzles away.
If I were to drink today I would get a rush of happiness even before I took that first sip in anticipation. I would chug my first beer then the strange " brain swell" would start happening and I would quickly down another one and start to feel a glow. This is where the wheels fall off. Each beer I drink is like I match being struck. Its a quick flare up of happiness and then black. So I keep downing one after the next until I blackout or pass out. Then it's time for awful withdrawals. The worst part is my life stops until the cycle is complete.
What type of treatment are you going to and for how long?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by Dee74
Congrats on 20 days loveisallyouneed 
I'm proud and thrilled that you're committed to doing what you need to do.
5 weeks isn't really that long.
You'll be ok
D
I'm proud and thrilled that you're committed to doing what you need to do.
5 weeks isn't really that long.
You'll be ok
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by Rar
Hi Loveisallyouneed. I can understand how fearful you are, but I really believe this will be a wonderful experience for you. You will learn tools and won't have to resort to white knuckling to keep your sobriety.
You're young and your body will surely have the resilience of youth to heal from physical damage. Your treatment will help the emotional part and will probably help the physical part as well.
I know what you mean about caring for yourself, and then again, not caring for yourself. I had a couple of times where I didn't care about myself, thinking, "What's the point?". I posted here first and the fabulously caring folks here talked me out of taking that first drink. SR is a major part of my plan.
My experience in taking that first drink would be similar to GettingCloser's. I'm not a chugger, but I would steadily keep drinking.
You are going to have an awesome experience. This is not a punishment....this is a gift. You've done superbly already at 20 days. Hang in there. Be strong.
You're young and your body will surely have the resilience of youth to heal from physical damage. Your treatment will help the emotional part and will probably help the physical part as well.
I know what you mean about caring for yourself, and then again, not caring for yourself. I had a couple of times where I didn't care about myself, thinking, "What's the point?". I posted here first and the fabulously caring folks here talked me out of taking that first drink. SR is a major part of my plan.
My experience in taking that first drink would be similar to GettingCloser's. I'm not a chugger, but I would steadily keep drinking.
You are going to have an awesome experience. This is not a punishment....this is a gift. You've done superbly already at 20 days. Hang in there. Be strong.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by Loveisallweneed
Thank you 😊! I’m going to book in with my doc when the 5 weeks are done and have a full check up! I’ll try not to think about it too much until then! I feel good most days, liver discomfort has stopped!
I suppose that’s it really isn’t it? It’s like the grass is always greener when truly it isn’t? X
I suppose that’s it really isn’t it? It’s like the grass is always greener when truly it isn’t? X
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by Rar
You are NOT going to fail! ((HUGS)) . Going on an animal safari in AFrica has been an item on my bucket list.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Originally Posted by Loveisallweneed
Love the positive mental attitude ����!! Yeah I think it would be amazing, something the kids will keep with them for the rest of there life x
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