Kboys

Hi friends,
Posting here feels helpful to me, so I hope you don't mind if I just continue to give updates..........

I went to Al-anon last night. I haven't been for about two years I think, but I was happy to see a few familiar faces...I took the kids, and one of the women there took them into the playroom for me. They were done in the playroom and ready to be back with me before I had a chance to do any sharing, ... but that was okay.. just being there and listening to others for a bit was nice.

Did not hear from AH and I did not try to call him or text him...

Every morning at my office, for my work's purposes, I get a list from the jail of who was arrested the previous day.... I felt disappointed when I didn't see his name on there this morning.
I feel bad that I feel that way.......

Tomorrow doing a 5k and will attempt to push my kids in their double stroller... Two friends from work and their kids will be there too. So I'm looking forward to talking to them.

I'm very much of an introvert, but right now I'm really feeling like I need interaction with people, so I've been reaching out and talking to more of my co-workers, and have messaged some old friends. I feel like I'm really needing to talk to those who have been through the same thing, and I can't seem to get enough of reading articles about it on line, and reading here.

I'm doing okay, just still feeling really overwhelmed, and surprised at how profoundly this is affecting me, given that we were already separated and I had already done much detaching....

Thanks for being here

CentralOhioDad

Sending ((((((HUGS))))))

COD

firebolt

Lots of things are going to bring up those raw feelings again, for a while....

But, Kboys.....the action you took is the ONLY surefire direct way to an ultimate ending of all that pain!

You are doing just fine. Enjoy that 5k!! I wonder exactly how much of your introversion is related to life with an alcoholic.....i can't wait to see how you bloom in the most wonderful ways over the course of the next year!! Rediscovering the things, people and places that I love was such an adventure to me - and very eye opening to see how much I had closed myself off from everything while I was in survival mode. BUG HUGS to you!

Kboys

Thank you firebolt!
I am introverted by nature, BUT, it's very true that I became much more isolated from the friends and family that i used to spend time with and chat with,and I stopped doing many of the things I used to enjoy. I'm excited to start doing all of that again (at least as much as I can with the two kiddos)

hopeful4

Hello friend!

I am glad to hear you are reaching out, this is great!!! Good luck and enjoy tomorrow. Keep sharing, we are always here with you!

Seren

Never worry about posting here, kboys!

LoveMeNow

Hi Kboys, I am wondering if this is more about some kind of unresolved abandonment issues and not really about him.?


I understand how you feel. I left my husband, I moved away, I repeatedly told him to move on......and when he did, I felt devastated! I romanticized his new relationship to being this fairytale. I had a case of "I don't want him, but you can't have him." I felt jealous, hurt, betrayed and abandoned! But these feelings didn't last long. Eventually, I worked through them. Now, I wish them all the best. P.s. He has no idea that I felt this way as I stopped contact with him.

I think it's great you are posting to identify your feelings and process them. Post as much as you need, many of us have gone through similar experiences!!

LifeRecovery

Kboys-

I just wanted to say that the divorce peeled back another layer for me with healing that was very painful and hard. It was not all alcohol related.

I am glad I went through it (but only in retrospect). Gosh it was hard when in it.

Glad you are taking care of you.

Sasha1972

I totally get that. It was my story too. Since leaving ex, I'm still introverted and independent, but the quality of my relationships with other people has improved dramatically. I am able to "be present" in a friendship in a way that wasn't possible before (except when ex is flipping out, which happens a lot more often than I would like), and I'm no longer conscious of ex either resenting the time I spend with other people or judging me for the weird people I like and the weird things I do.

(Actually, one of several last straws with ex was when he said he thought there was something really wrong with me because "all your friends are lesbians and misfits". One part of me got defensive - "no they aren't, so and so isn't a lesbian, and ..." but the healthier part of me said to myself, "Self, even if every single person I knew was a really weird lesbian, this would still be an absolutely ridiculous judgment. And what am I doing with somebody who gets all homophobic and mean when his drinking is interrupted?").