Three months sober and...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 99
Three months sober and...
... Feeling pretty low!
I havent drunk since Jan 20th and am so stoked I have made it three months. It is a great milestone and will get my new coin at a meeting later today.
The meetings have become my favourite thing in life. Love sharing and putting myself on show baring my soul and my mistakes.
Still running, eating well, look great but find myself really struggling to come to terms with my former partner not being in my life anymore. Three months sober is also three months (minus three days) of total no contact with her.
She didnt message me on my birthday and that hurt whilst I also felt relieved.
Trying so hard to get rid of hope and accept we are not getting back together but I miss her terribly.
Wish I could right the wrongs but know it is too soon to reach out and make amends, plus not up to that step!
I know I need to keep going the way I am but does anyone have any words of advice because I really need them today. Havent felt this down for a fair while
I havent drunk since Jan 20th and am so stoked I have made it three months. It is a great milestone and will get my new coin at a meeting later today.
The meetings have become my favourite thing in life. Love sharing and putting myself on show baring my soul and my mistakes.
Still running, eating well, look great but find myself really struggling to come to terms with my former partner not being in my life anymore. Three months sober is also three months (minus three days) of total no contact with her.
She didnt message me on my birthday and that hurt whilst I also felt relieved.
Trying so hard to get rid of hope and accept we are not getting back together but I miss her terribly.
Wish I could right the wrongs but know it is too soon to reach out and make amends, plus not up to that step!
I know I need to keep going the way I am but does anyone have any words of advice because I really need them today. Havent felt this down for a fair while
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Kejun 
I still have down days but, like I said to someone else here to today that beats the down weeks month or years I ised to have when drinking.
I hope you feel better soon.
If not as Freedom CA suggested maybe seeing your Dr might not be the worst idea here?
D
I still have down days but, like I said to someone else here to today that beats the down weeks month or years I ised to have when drinking.
I hope you feel better soon.
If not as Freedom CA suggested maybe seeing your Dr might not be the worst idea here?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by Kejun 
... Feeling pretty low!
I havent drunk since Jan 20th and am so stoked I have made it three months. It is a great milestone and will get my new coin at a meeting later today.
The meetings have become my favourite thing in life. Love sharing and putting myself on show baring my soul and my mistakes.
Still running, eating well, look great but find myself really struggling to come to terms with my former partner not being in my life anymore. Three months sober is also three months (minus three days) of total no contact with her.
She didnt message me on my birthday and that hurt whilst I also felt relieved.
Trying so hard to get rid of hope and accept we are not getting back together but I miss her terribly.
Wish I could right the wrongs but know it is too soon to reach out and make amends, plus not up to that step!
I know I need to keep going the way I am but does anyone have any words of advice because I really need them today. Havent felt this down for a fair while
I havent drunk since Jan 20th and am so stoked I have made it three months. It is a great milestone and will get my new coin at a meeting later today.
The meetings have become my favourite thing in life. Love sharing and putting myself on show baring my soul and my mistakes.
Still running, eating well, look great but find myself really struggling to come to terms with my former partner not being in my life anymore. Three months sober is also three months (minus three days) of total no contact with her.
She didnt message me on my birthday and that hurt whilst I also felt relieved.
Trying so hard to get rid of hope and accept we are not getting back together but I miss her terribly.
Wish I could right the wrongs but know it is too soon to reach out and make amends, plus not up to that step!
I know I need to keep going the way I am but does anyone have any words of advice because I really need them today. Havent felt this down for a fair while
Did you guys mutually decide to separate while you're going through the steps? And was there any talk of reconciling at any point in your recovery? You say you're relieved you didn't hear from her. Is there any reason for that feeling of relief?
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
Originally Posted by Kejun
does anyone have any words of advice because I really need them today.
my sober life didnt get better until i worked the program of recovery
meetings
sponsor
steps
service
higher power
awesome job on 3 months !!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 99
The breakup was initiated by her. Cannot blame her at all. She reached her limit. I was truly thinking she would have contacted me to check in...
I feel two ways: 1) If she really cared she would check on me to see how I was doing,
2) She is looking after herself as she was monumentally hurt from my inability to keep my word about staying off the booze.
I have made progress but as we all know, whats three months in the big scheme of things?
If it is meant to be, our paths will cross in the future - I totally agree with the idea of this but actually coming to terms with just leaving her alone and leaving 'us' alone is exceptionally difficult today.
I know totally not contacting her is the way to go and the respectful thing to do. I have posted about it previously, but man I feel compelled to go and see her sometimes.
There are days, certainly moments in days I feel that I am more than strong enough for whatever outcome if we were to meet - today is def not one of them. Besides, who am I kidding? The thought might be easy enough to handle but standing a few feet away from someone I cherished and held tight just over three months ago... It would be so difficult holding myself together.
The silver lining of the end of 'us' is the last time we spoke, the look on her face. Will never leave my mind. Angry, Sad, let-down, exhausted... I did that. I caused those emotions through decisions I made.
I know I need to leave her alone. I know that. Just miss her terribly and yes it is sad that my stopping drinking is the same date as us being over but hey, it is what it is.
Thank you for the messages - really help!!
I feel two ways: 1) If she really cared she would check on me to see how I was doing,
2) She is looking after herself as she was monumentally hurt from my inability to keep my word about staying off the booze.
I have made progress but as we all know, whats three months in the big scheme of things?
If it is meant to be, our paths will cross in the future - I totally agree with the idea of this but actually coming to terms with just leaving her alone and leaving 'us' alone is exceptionally difficult today.
I know totally not contacting her is the way to go and the respectful thing to do. I have posted about it previously, but man I feel compelled to go and see her sometimes.
There are days, certainly moments in days I feel that I am more than strong enough for whatever outcome if we were to meet - today is def not one of them. Besides, who am I kidding? The thought might be easy enough to handle but standing a few feet away from someone I cherished and held tight just over three months ago... It would be so difficult holding myself together.
The silver lining of the end of 'us' is the last time we spoke, the look on her face. Will never leave my mind. Angry, Sad, let-down, exhausted... I did that. I caused those emotions through decisions I made.
I know I need to leave her alone. I know that. Just miss her terribly and yes it is sad that my stopping drinking is the same date as us being over but hey, it is what it is.
Thank you for the messages - really help!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by Kejun
The breakup was initiated by her. Cannot blame her at all. She reached her limit. I was truly thinking she would have contacted me to check in...
I feel two ways: 1) If she really cared she would check on me to see how I was doing,
2) She is looking after herself as she was monumentally hurt from my inability to keep my word about staying off the booze.
I have made progress but as we all know, whats three months in the big scheme of things?
If it is meant to be, our paths will cross in the future - I totally agree with the idea of this but actually coming to terms with just leaving her alone and leaving 'us' alone is exceptionally difficult today.
I know totally not contacting her is the way to go and the respectful thing to do. I have posted about it previously, but man I feel compelled to go and see her sometimes.
There are days, certainly moments in days I feel that I am more than strong enough for whatever outcome if we were to meet - today is def not one of them. Besides, who am I kidding? The thought might be easy enough to handle but standing a few feet away from someone I cherished and held tight just over three months ago... It would be so difficult holding myself together.
The silver lining of the end of 'us' is the last time we spoke, the look on her face. Will never leave my mind. Angry, Sad, let-down, exhausted... I did that. I caused those emotions through decisions I made.
I know I need to leave her alone. I know that. Just miss her terribly and yes it is sad that my stopping drinking is the same date as us being over but hey, it is what it is.
Thank you for the messages - really help!!
I feel two ways: 1) If she really cared she would check on me to see how I was doing,
2) She is looking after herself as she was monumentally hurt from my inability to keep my word about staying off the booze.
I have made progress but as we all know, whats three months in the big scheme of things?
If it is meant to be, our paths will cross in the future - I totally agree with the idea of this but actually coming to terms with just leaving her alone and leaving 'us' alone is exceptionally difficult today.
I know totally not contacting her is the way to go and the respectful thing to do. I have posted about it previously, but man I feel compelled to go and see her sometimes.
There are days, certainly moments in days I feel that I am more than strong enough for whatever outcome if we were to meet - today is def not one of them. Besides, who am I kidding? The thought might be easy enough to handle but standing a few feet away from someone I cherished and held tight just over three months ago... It would be so difficult holding myself together.
The silver lining of the end of 'us' is the last time we spoke, the look on her face. Will never leave my mind. Angry, Sad, let-down, exhausted... I did that. I caused those emotions through decisions I made.
I know I need to leave her alone. I know that. Just miss her terribly and yes it is sad that my stopping drinking is the same date as us being over but hey, it is what it is.
Thank you for the messages - really help!!
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Bethlehem, PA
Posts: 230
Remember sobriety is like anything that is good. The longer you do it the better it gets. Give it more time and you'll see how awesome sobriety is. Three-months is great but when you hit a year it'll be so amazing you'll realize getting sober was so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
I remember feeling the same way around 3 months (I just passed 4, so I am right there with you). It seemed to get much better, even if temporarily, at 100 days, and overall it has been much better since.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 99
I hit two aa meets today. First was 'ok' the second was a short time ago and a more regular meet I go to. I average 7/8 meets a week and am around 60 days without missing a meeting. Doing me a world of good. The fellowship and friendship/support... All of it helps me no end.
Getting that little green coin and sharing was great
I struggle with dealing with life sober sometimes without the escape I always had. Fantasising about just escaping by drinking for one day but know I wont as I have a good milestone now.
It also pains me that the ex hasnt reached out. I really must have broken her and destroyed her faith. She would have felt devalued and second best to the booze. How I wish I could embrace her and tell her I am sorry and for her to truly understand and believe my words.
'believe my words'... what an impossibility that would be.
The day I stopped drinking was the day she ended everything. I am trying to stay in the present. I am trying to accept what I cannot change. I am trying to forgive myself. I am trying to wish her well and happiness and give up the hope because I know there is none.
I wish I was further down the road in my recovery and my heart was more healed.
When I shared tonight I said "I am so grateful that I am sober because although I am hurting, I am not drunk, I have not hurt anyone for ages, I have not offended, abused, let down or shamed myself".
Thank you sober recovery people
Getting that little green coin and sharing was great
I struggle with dealing with life sober sometimes without the escape I always had. Fantasising about just escaping by drinking for one day but know I wont as I have a good milestone now.
It also pains me that the ex hasnt reached out. I really must have broken her and destroyed her faith. She would have felt devalued and second best to the booze. How I wish I could embrace her and tell her I am sorry and for her to truly understand and believe my words.
'believe my words'... what an impossibility that would be.
The day I stopped drinking was the day she ended everything. I am trying to stay in the present. I am trying to accept what I cannot change. I am trying to forgive myself. I am trying to wish her well and happiness and give up the hope because I know there is none.
I wish I was further down the road in my recovery and my heart was more healed.
When I shared tonight I said "I am so grateful that I am sober because although I am hurting, I am not drunk, I have not hurt anyone for ages, I have not offended, abused, let down or shamed myself".
Thank you sober recovery people
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: MN
Posts: 21
Congrats on 3 months Kejun!
Continue to stay sober and keep up with the running and good nutrition and you'll continue to look and feel better. When you think the time is right maybe you can just share with her a quick update on your progress. And when you meet her again in the future you won't have to try to convince her that you're off the booze... it will show!
Continue to stay sober and keep up with the running and good nutrition and you'll continue to look and feel better. When you think the time is right maybe you can just share with her a quick update on your progress. And when you meet her again in the future you won't have to try to convince her that you're off the booze... it will show!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 99
sugar - step four. But honestly always found it difficult to 'hand it over' :S unsure if I can really say i have therefore completed steps 2/3... At a meet today someone shared who is on the same sort of timeline as I am and she was religious before AA and mentioned she had no issues with it.
I have never been particularly spiritual and certainly not religious - as much as I would like that to be different.
NT216 - I believe that would be good. But we ended last year because of the drink and the last thing I said to her this break was "Ok, if this is what you really want, I respect that and your decision - I don't agree with or want the same but I will not contact you again".
Since then, I have not. We live and work on the same naval base so we do drive past each other every now and again, don't acknowledge each other - that hurts!
I feel after all the **** I put the poor girl through the least I can do is love her enough to leave her be. She knows where I am and how to get hold of me. She will have heard of my progress and nothing so far. As I said, three months is not a huge amount of time but I am trying to put the relationship and the hope to rest. The head doesn't listen to the heart.
I have never been particularly spiritual and certainly not religious - as much as I would like that to be different.
NT216 - I believe that would be good. But we ended last year because of the drink and the last thing I said to her this break was "Ok, if this is what you really want, I respect that and your decision - I don't agree with or want the same but I will not contact you again".
Since then, I have not. We live and work on the same naval base so we do drive past each other every now and again, don't acknowledge each other - that hurts!
I feel after all the **** I put the poor girl through the least I can do is love her enough to leave her be. She knows where I am and how to get hold of me. She will have heard of my progress and nothing so far. As I said, three months is not a huge amount of time but I am trying to put the relationship and the hope to rest. The head doesn't listen to the heart.
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