Listening for the AV
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Listening for the AV
It's amazing how once you start really putting your awareness of your AV in the forefront of your mind that there are so many instances where that ****** pops up.
Devious, sneaky, moronic, brilliant - a real shape shifter.
It sings sweet songs of melancholy for those wonderful wine drunk days riding bikes in some French countryside. It laughs at your fortitude when you tell your self you aren't drinking ever again.
Don't bother, this has never worked before for you!
You deserve a drink, everyone else does!
This won't last forever, why even try!
You're an addict, you're bound to fail, stop pretending.
Don't tell your friends and family that you don't drink anymore - you will pick up again and what will they say about you then!
On and on over and over. What a horrid creature it is.
Devious, sneaky, moronic, brilliant - a real shape shifter.
It sings sweet songs of melancholy for those wonderful wine drunk days riding bikes in some French countryside. It laughs at your fortitude when you tell your self you aren't drinking ever again.
Don't bother, this has never worked before for you!
You deserve a drink, everyone else does!
This won't last forever, why even try!
You're an addict, you're bound to fail, stop pretending.
Don't tell your friends and family that you don't drink anymore - you will pick up again and what will they say about you then!
On and on over and over. What a horrid creature it is.
Last edited by Dee74; 05-10-2018 at 04:06 PM.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 155
Yes...my AV is so utterly ridiculous!! Today it was reminding me of all the people I haven't had a chance to drink wine with...no seriously lol
Oh I'm giving up drinking...I wont be able to share a glass of wine with this person in the future if that opportunity presents itself!
Sigh, I recognize how absurd that is. Maybe that's the good thing I can take away from it.
Oh I'm giving up drinking...I wont be able to share a glass of wine with this person in the future if that opportunity presents itself!
Sigh, I recognize how absurd that is. Maybe that's the good thing I can take away from it.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
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Oh yes LG I know just what you mean!
Recognising that voice and keeping it separate from our true authentic selves is a really massive help. I like to think of mine as Gollum from Lord of the Rings!
It helps too to view my "inner saboteur" in exactly the same way. That voice that wants me to eat junk food and stay indoors all lonely and sad. I see that as my AV playing the long game and trying to get me back to a place where I may become vulnerable again.
It's all lies because that beast wants only one thing. For us to be utterly under it's power once again. No thank you!
Great to see you posting again keep going!
Recognising that voice and keeping it separate from our true authentic selves is a really massive help. I like to think of mine as Gollum from Lord of the Rings!
It helps too to view my "inner saboteur" in exactly the same way. That voice that wants me to eat junk food and stay indoors all lonely and sad. I see that as my AV playing the long game and trying to get me back to a place where I may become vulnerable again.
It's all lies because that beast wants only one thing. For us to be utterly under it's power once again. No thank you!
Great to see you posting again keep going!
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Originally Posted by Mandy73 
Yes...my AV is so utterly ridiculous!! Today it was reminding me of all the people I haven't had a chance to drink wine with...no seriously lol
Oh I'm giving up drinking...I wont be able to share a glass of wine with this person in the future if that opportunity presents itself!
Sigh, I recognize how absurd that is. Maybe that's the good thing I can take away from it.
Oh I'm giving up drinking...I wont be able to share a glass of wine with this person in the future if that opportunity presents itself!
Sigh, I recognize how absurd that is. Maybe that's the good thing I can take away from it.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
It sings sweet songs of melancholy for those wonderful wine drunk days riding bikes in some French countryside.
even tho you've never actually BEEN to France, and haven't ridden a bike in 20 years...........LOL
even tho you've never actually BEEN to France, and haven't ridden a bike in 20 years...........LOL
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
It sings sweet songs of melancholy for those wonderful wine drunk days riding bikes in some French countryside.
even tho you've never actually BEEN to France, and haven't ridden a bike in 20 years...........LOL
even tho you've never actually BEEN to France, and haven't ridden a bike in 20 years...........LOL
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
It's a bit alarming when I think about it. Especially that 'glamor' vision thing. Mine does that. In fact, it will occasionally hit me with images rather than words. Like, a quick flash of me as life of the party surrounded by all these wonderful people accompanied by a deep sense that I'm missing out on something.
But when I step back from it and look at the reality... good lord.
That France thing cracked me up. What a liar.
That's why I keep asking myself and others, really, explain to me again what - exactly and precisely - the downside is to not drinking??? I've yet to find anything even close to answering that. We're missing out on nothing.
-B
But when I step back from it and look at the reality... good lord.
That France thing cracked me up. What a liar.
That's why I keep asking myself and others, really, explain to me again what - exactly and precisely - the downside is to not drinking??? I've yet to find anything even close to answering that. We're missing out on nothing.
-B
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
Originally Posted by lessgravity
It's amazing how once you start really putting your awareness of your AV in the forefront of your mind that there are so many instances where that f--ker pops up.
Devious, sneaky, moronic, brilliant - a real shape shifter.
It sings sweet songs of melancholy for those wonderful wine drunk days riding bikes in some French countryside. It laughs at your fortitude when you tell your self you aren't drinking ever again.
Don't bother, this has never worked before for you!
You deserve a drink, everyone else does!
This won't last forever, why even try!
You're an addict, you're bound to fail, stop pretending.
Don't tell your friends and family that you don't drink anymore - you will pick up again and what will they say about you then!
On and on over and over. What a horrid creature it is.
Devious, sneaky, moronic, brilliant - a real shape shifter.
It sings sweet songs of melancholy for those wonderful wine drunk days riding bikes in some French countryside. It laughs at your fortitude when you tell your self you aren't drinking ever again.
Don't bother, this has never worked before for you!
You deserve a drink, everyone else does!
This won't last forever, why even try!
You're an addict, you're bound to fail, stop pretending.
Don't tell your friends and family that you don't drink anymore - you will pick up again and what will they say about you then!
On and on over and over. What a horrid creature it is.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Today my AV struck twice (well many times but two I thought worth mentioning):
1. Hosting a dinner at my apartment this weekend and my AV actually had the balls to suggest "if you don't drink everyone will feel uncomfortable having wine at your place." Ha. Idiot.
2. I was listening to a podcast on my commute, about leading a life where you maximize your potential, how human potential has the capability to achieve more than even imaginable - made me think of Elon Musk sending rockets into space. AND MY NEXT THOUGHT WAS LITERALLY "I bet he enjoys really nice bottles of wine..."
What the heck man!
Instead of thinking about how healthy and focused and energized a person would have to be to achieve what Musk has achieved, I literally thought about how he gets to enjoy fine wine.
AV you bastard. What a trip this all is sometimes.
1. Hosting a dinner at my apartment this weekend and my AV actually had the balls to suggest "if you don't drink everyone will feel uncomfortable having wine at your place." Ha. Idiot.
2. I was listening to a podcast on my commute, about leading a life where you maximize your potential, how human potential has the capability to achieve more than even imaginable - made me think of Elon Musk sending rockets into space. AND MY NEXT THOUGHT WAS LITERALLY "I bet he enjoys really nice bottles of wine..."
What the heck man!
Instead of thinking about how healthy and focused and energized a person would have to be to achieve what Musk has achieved, I literally thought about how he gets to enjoy fine wine.
AV you bastard. What a trip this all is sometimes.
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My Beast is enjoying himself today. Lots of total b--ls--t being sent my way on a beautiful Friday afternoon.
A co-worker came in and showed me a post on Instagram of a 40oz bottle of Rose - something that my Beast would LOVE to feast on. I have to admit I felt hard physical pangs thinking of a cold bottle of that to drink to my head.
I'm secure in the fact that I am not drinking today, not drinking anymore, not drinking now.
But I am also acknowledging the fact that my Beast has far from been silenced.
Happy Friday everyone.
Looking forward to sober sleep and a sober Saturday morning.
A co-worker came in and showed me a post on Instagram of a 40oz bottle of Rose - something that my Beast would LOVE to feast on. I have to admit I felt hard physical pangs thinking of a cold bottle of that to drink to my head.
I'm secure in the fact that I am not drinking today, not drinking anymore, not drinking now.
But I am also acknowledging the fact that my Beast has far from been silenced.
Happy Friday everyone.
Looking forward to sober sleep and a sober Saturday morning.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
My Beast is still not silenced, but as Tekink says, "The more it's exposed the less power it has." . I know that certain Beast/AV situations I've had in the early weeks do not trouble me as much now, since I've had victory over them. As new situations arise, we'll deal with them too. The longer we've been sober, the more experiences we'll have.
Sitting in the Clubhouse after a game of golf, still makes my AV cry pitifully. That hasn't lessened much for me.
Sitting in the Clubhouse after a game of golf, still makes my AV cry pitifully. That hasn't lessened much for me.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Originally Posted by lessgravity
But I am also acknowledging the fact that my Beast has far from been silenced.
Curious what you would find.
-B
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Originally Posted by Buckley3
Awesome. So, uh, what's the plan for dealing with this? Have you been thinking on that? Digging in and reading up on the nature of the thing?
Curious what you would find.
-B
Curious what you would find.
-B
Started Rational Recovery again, working through that.
I'm very recommitted to the gym and my health and fitness, find pouring my thoughts and planning into that helps shut my Beast the f up as well.
I plan that over time my Beast will get used to being shunned and shut down and ignored.
Trying not to reason with him at all these days - seeing my thoughts and pangs and urges and memories that are orchestrated by my Beast as separate from me. Disassociating. Separating.
Oh and also I plan not to drink at all anymore.
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There he is! Just poked his b---s--t head up.
The weather and a couple thoughts and a conversation had me reminiscing about a long weekend at a beach house I spent with my wife when we first started dating in our relationship. Thinking about making her dinner, drinking wine and dancing in the kitchen. Felt a hard, physical PANG of want from my AV about not ever having a night like that again with her - slugging pinot and having fun.
Oh well. There are going to be things that were fun that I have lost because of my addiction - I did have fun when I used to drink, it wasn't all chugging cheap vodka at 10am on a Tuesday...
OH WELL, says me, to my AV.
I'm not drinking. Life is too good for that.
The weather and a couple thoughts and a conversation had me reminiscing about a long weekend at a beach house I spent with my wife when we first started dating in our relationship. Thinking about making her dinner, drinking wine and dancing in the kitchen. Felt a hard, physical PANG of want from my AV about not ever having a night like that again with her - slugging pinot and having fun.
Oh well. There are going to be things that were fun that I have lost because of my addiction - I did have fun when I used to drink, it wasn't all chugging cheap vodka at 10am on a Tuesday...
OH WELL, says me, to my AV.
I'm not drinking. Life is too good for that.
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