six months, Still letting go
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
six months, Still letting go
hello everyone!
I remember almost 6 months ago when my AEXGF left me for her AEXGF and I basically hit my al anon rock bottom. This forum was literally a source of information and relief for me. The wisdom and experience on this site really helped me get through one of the toughest times of my life. I've been in Alnon for 6 months now, got a sponsor and am now on step 3. I have been feeling so alive and grateful lately, thanks to therapy, program, and just redefining what self care looks like to me. In my 30 years on this earth, i am looking at myself in the most honest light possible and it has been super hard but WELL WORTH IT to see my part.
I have had very minimal news about the ex as i went No contact about 4 months ago. She also had no problem completely discarding me and leaving me with rent, debt, and all of her things that i had to throw away because she didn't want to face her shortcomings. she is blocked on every front but still some news here and there has seeped in and I've had to learn to upkeep boundaries with people who can't seem to help themselves from giving me updates or who look to me when they get caught in her destructive cycle after having had their turn at trying to help her.
my brain seems to want to think, despite the evidence of the opposite, that she is happy and sober and that I was the problem. I'm not feeling this often but I think I am still hurt by how effortlessly she discarded me after having stood by her side for almost a year while she went in and out, talked badly about her ex, and swore that she wanted to stay sober. there is a lot of mental instability (bipolar) and narcissism laced in here.
Today i heard (damn social media feeds through friends of friends) that they are engaged after being one week sober and they moved 300 miles away.
I'm really trying to be honest with myself about how much space ( very little) i want this to have in my day. although i find it important to acknowledge that i am human and that this hurts me in some ways because of the obvious lack of recovery and just how sad the situation is for her.
ultimately, i am grateful that the ring is not on MY finger. but the abandonment issue precedes me.
i guess im having a step 3 moment, ironic?
anyways, thanks for reading, thank you for being a part of my recovery, and keep sharing!
Zik
I remember almost 6 months ago when my AEXGF left me for her AEXGF and I basically hit my al anon rock bottom. This forum was literally a source of information and relief for me. The wisdom and experience on this site really helped me get through one of the toughest times of my life. I've been in Alnon for 6 months now, got a sponsor and am now on step 3. I have been feeling so alive and grateful lately, thanks to therapy, program, and just redefining what self care looks like to me. In my 30 years on this earth, i am looking at myself in the most honest light possible and it has been super hard but WELL WORTH IT to see my part.
I have had very minimal news about the ex as i went No contact about 4 months ago. She also had no problem completely discarding me and leaving me with rent, debt, and all of her things that i had to throw away because she didn't want to face her shortcomings. she is blocked on every front but still some news here and there has seeped in and I've had to learn to upkeep boundaries with people who can't seem to help themselves from giving me updates or who look to me when they get caught in her destructive cycle after having had their turn at trying to help her.
my brain seems to want to think, despite the evidence of the opposite, that she is happy and sober and that I was the problem. I'm not feeling this often but I think I am still hurt by how effortlessly she discarded me after having stood by her side for almost a year while she went in and out, talked badly about her ex, and swore that she wanted to stay sober. there is a lot of mental instability (bipolar) and narcissism laced in here.
Today i heard (damn social media feeds through friends of friends) that they are engaged after being one week sober and they moved 300 miles away.
I'm really trying to be honest with myself about how much space ( very little) i want this to have in my day. although i find it important to acknowledge that i am human and that this hurts me in some ways because of the obvious lack of recovery and just how sad the situation is for her.
ultimately, i am grateful that the ring is not on MY finger. but the abandonment issue precedes me.
i guess im having a step 3 moment, ironic?
anyways, thanks for reading, thank you for being a part of my recovery, and keep sharing!
Zik
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you were with her for a year or so? trust me, this is how she conducted herself before you ever met, and how here story will continue. there are certainly other "partners" in her past with a story similar to yours....or even quite different....but the common denominator is she was there.........and then she wasn't.
truly be glad you aren't swept up in some whirlwind of chemicals and hormones and self absorption, racing off with joe-doesn't-have-a-clue.
you deserve better.
truly be glad you aren't swept up in some whirlwind of chemicals and hormones and self absorption, racing off with joe-doesn't-have-a-clue.
you deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Try not to take this personally. I know it sounds dumb, since it was done to you, but you're talking about an active alcoholic who incapable of having healthy relationships. "His majesty, the child," is a helpful way to look at the alcoholic who always puts booze before all else in life. The problem is non-alcoholics don't understand how irrational, crazy and destructive a drunk is.
You weren't abandoned, you dodged a bullet and I'd get on my knees to thank the heavens that it's not you.
You weren't abandoned, you dodged a bullet and I'd get on my knees to thank the heavens that it's not you.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
One week sober? Oh Zik, it won't end well. Can you block their updates on social media? No new contacts = no new hurts... etc. 6 months is still early days if you ask me. I am 6 months out myself and understand wanting to know out of morbid curiosity... if not anything else.
They like to leave everything behind and keep moving don't they? It's so inconsiderate. Fortunately she doesn't see you as her meal ticket anymore. You are free from that.
They like to leave everything behind and keep moving don't they? It's so inconsiderate. Fortunately she doesn't see you as her meal ticket anymore. You are free from that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
you were with her for a year or so? trust me, this is how she conducted herself before you ever met, and how here story will continue. there are certainly other "partners" in her past with a story similar to yours....or even quite different....but the common denominator is she was there.........and then she wasn't.
truly be glad you aren't swept up in some whirlwind of chemicals and hormones and self absorption, racing off with joe-doesn't-have-a-clue.
you deserve better.
truly be glad you aren't swept up in some whirlwind of chemicals and hormones and self absorption, racing off with joe-doesn't-have-a-clue.
you deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,975
Originally Posted by Zik4soul
Haha! Thank you for your swift response. Joe doesn't have a clue... So good. She has done this to basically all of her friends and family. People that she's known for decades are no longer talking to her. It's mostly a very tragic situation. I hear so many stories of success in the rooms and of people who stay with their alcoholics and make it work. I hear less of people who got left by the alcoholic for another addict. It's funny how my brain still looks for her to be happy and healthy in that situation. My wishful thinking and false narrative are baffling to me still. But ultimately none of it is my business and boy am I GRATEFUL everyday that I don't have to deal with the crispy crazies ever again because I choose not to. It's just hard to not watch a total Trainwreck happen. It's not healthy for me to be curious but it's a bit hard to turn away.
Can you let the delusional thoughts of her being happy and healthy come into your head, say, "Hello. Welcome. What do you have to teach me?" and then let them go. Although in all honesty these thoughts for me just kept coming back and back and back for a long time.
Take care of you!
lmao
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