Still trying
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 3
Still trying
Been married 38 years to someone in active addiction, who tried rehab once 29 years ago. I don’t know what I’m doing because my therapist ripped the band aid off telling me that this person IS who they ARE and always have been. Not the IDEA of the person I always thought they were or they “would be”. I mean I knew that but I didn’t believe it. It slapped me in the face and I am hurting and scared right now.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,464
Welcome, and I'm sorry for the the painful situation you're in. It's good that you are talking to a therapist.
You might also check out AlAnon in your city as a support for yourself. And, we do have a Friends & Families forum on this board:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
You might also check out AlAnon in your city as a support for yourself. And, we do have a Friends & Families forum on this board:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Take a look at our friends and family forums. Hope they can help you. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Yes. Acceptance of something big can kinda alter our perception of the world and it can be dizzying for a bit, as everything looks slightly different from our new vantage point.
Thing is, that new perspective and better vantage point can affect your thinking and decisions if you roll with this (and don't let fear freely you back in to denial). You will be able to make healthier and better decisions for yourself as time goes on. This is a big step you've just taken. You may even be surprised when you look in the mirror and just look like the same person as you did before, because it can feel so new and different.
Finally having that elastoplase ripped off allows us to look at the wound and tend it. Before I did so I had the comfort of not seeing the wound or having to deal with it, but underneath all that denial was a bloody, pusy mess that was poisoning me slowly but surely and draining me of my energy. Once that elastoplast was off if was initially disconcerting and a bit scary, but it meant I could get cleaned up and heal. You've done the hardest bit. Just try to take things easy for today and expect to be a bit tired and emotional, but that WILL pass. When is your next session with your counsellor?
I agree that AlAnon is probably a good idea. And the gang over in Friends and Family is a very loving and supportive and wise one.
Anyway. I'm sorry for what brings you here, but glad you found us.
BB
Thing is, that new perspective and better vantage point can affect your thinking and decisions if you roll with this (and don't let fear freely you back in to denial). You will be able to make healthier and better decisions for yourself as time goes on. This is a big step you've just taken. You may even be surprised when you look in the mirror and just look like the same person as you did before, because it can feel so new and different.
Finally having that elastoplase ripped off allows us to look at the wound and tend it. Before I did so I had the comfort of not seeing the wound or having to deal with it, but underneath all that denial was a bloody, pusy mess that was poisoning me slowly but surely and draining me of my energy. Once that elastoplast was off if was initially disconcerting and a bit scary, but it meant I could get cleaned up and heal. You've done the hardest bit. Just try to take things easy for today and expect to be a bit tired and emotional, but that WILL pass. When is your next session with your counsellor?
I agree that AlAnon is probably a good idea. And the gang over in Friends and Family is a very loving and supportive and wise one.
Anyway. I'm sorry for what brings you here, but glad you found us.
BB
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