Shilla

It’s almost that time of the day, the inner conversation has began. ‘You had a good day, what’s a little drink going to do’, ‘why isn’t SL picking up his phone, well get a beer or 2 on your way home to **** him off’,......blah blah blah....get a drink, get a drink, get a drink. When the inner voice begins it doesn’t let go. I have been rewarding / punishing myself with alcohol for so long, that the purchase has become automatic. I created the habit of going to the grocery store everyday after work, apparently to buy groceries for dinner....got home and guess what always was hidden away deep in the grocery bags so my partner won’t notice as I walked into the house, beer, usually a six pack. Not only am I spending money on booze, but now buying a whole load of groceries I really did not need, first for people in the store not to think that’s all I came for and when I got home I used the bags as camouflage to try and hide my poison. What an insane crazy cycle. Well give me strength as I still 1hr30mins before leaving the office. I know I need to go straight home, no detours, no grocery, corner or liquor stores. Just not today, I have to get through day 1. Not today.

Cuckoo

Shilla.
I call it the witchy twitchy hour.......the hour before I leave the office and can almost smell that grocery store.....complete madness and I really believe its a phsycological habit. Almost as ingrained as the drinking itself if that makes sense.
C

doggonecarl

Tell the "voice" what you posted here yesterday, that you can't do this anymore!

You spoke of getting back to AA. That would be a good choice tonight, fight that voice with a dose of recovery.

Shilla

Thanks for the support. I am from Windhoek Namibia and there is only one AA group. And the meeting are Mon , Wed & Fri.

Just not today, and I got a God sent message for today, there is a parent meeting at my daughters school. So today’s cycle can be broken, as you can’t buy liquor in Namibia after 7pm.

Still have the day ahead, I just. have to keep vigilant, and remind myself that they are thoughts and they will pass, I don’t have to act on them.

Just not today, not today.

Nonsensical

Yes it does. You just need to learn how to be effective at making it lose its grip.

Here is that secret:
Starve it.

It takes a little while, but it's guaranteed to work.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Shilla

Made it home, no booze in hand. I did tell myself it was just a.thought, just let it pass. Now getting ready to go to parent meeting, then home and In bed.

Not today😊

J50

I saw a video a while ago on YouTube about obsessive thoughts, that could relate to the AV. In summary, it said the thoughts are just that. They don't need to be acted upon, and aren't a command to act. They are also completely normal. As I learned here, thoughts or cravings pass if you ride them out. Over time, if you resist the urge or craving to drink, new neural pathways in your brain are created. The cravings will then lessen over time and you begin to build your "sober muscles".

january161992

nice job Shilla !



we say One Day At A Time

Shilla

Made it home, no booze in hand. I did tell myself it was just a.thought, just let it pass. Now getting ready to go to parent meeting, then home and In bed.

Not today😊

Shilla

Just woke up. Not the greatest, but I am elated I had a alcohol free day the day before.

Today is another day I choose to stay sober.

Not today😊

Nonsensical

Rinse.
Repeat.
Habit.

Wholesome

If you really want to be effective against that internal voice that only ever wants one thing - MORE (of whatever the addiction is to) - try saying Never Again, instead of Not Today. That's how you really start to starve It.

Welcome to SR, glad you found us