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Old 04-16-2018, 05:18 AM
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Help

Fighting this disease with everything I’ve got! Had a relapse after one in a half years sober. Feeling awful about myself. Anxiety. Paranoia. Reached out to my sponsor and all for help. I seem to have trouble reaching out when I need the help. Once I obsess about the drink that’s all I think about. Nothing else. Very selfish. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated
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Old 04-16-2018, 05:47 AM
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Hi Jen. First of all - well done you for fighting this and I'm really pleased that you came to SR x.

One and a half years sober is a mighty achievement. You mention that you have reached out to your sponsor and other places for help although you find it troubling to do so. Have they been able to help you in certain ways in the past and if so, why do you feel that has become more difficult for you at this present time? For you to stay clear of alcohol for that large amount of time you were obviously doing something right. (I apologise if this comes across as prying but I'm seeking to clarify your situation in my mind).

Anxiety and paranoia are horrendous and you have my sympathy for the feelings that you are experiencing at this time. Everyone is different in the way that they deal with them. Some prefer meditation, others going for a walk/run or listening to calming music and still others like to read and post here at SR. Did you have your own preferences before today that helped previously?

Wishing you well. Yix x
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Old 04-16-2018, 10:52 AM
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Thank you so much!!!! Just feeling like maybe I can do this and control it. I believe I got complacent and feeling really good about it. When it came to my mind that’s the only thought I had was getting a drink. That obsession really takes a hold on me when the thought creeps in. I must remember to reach out before hand! Alone time are triggers for me. I stay super busy to keep my mind occupied. It’s like I don’t think about any other things such as reaching out and calling I just impulsively go and get it. I have really worked the program! Hit a low spot and picking back up today
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Old 04-16-2018, 04:19 PM
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Welcome Jen

Coming here, becoming part of the community really helped me stay sober. I recommend you through yourself in here - post as often as you need to, ask questions, read about what others are doing to stay sober.

You'll find reaching out gets easier the more you do it

D
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Old 04-16-2018, 04:45 PM
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Welcome to the family. You've come to a great place for support.
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Old 04-16-2018, 06:11 PM
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It's great to meet you, Jen. I drank 30 yrs. & never imagined my life without it. The encouragement I found here helped me change my life. You can do it! I'm really glad you've made this life changing decision.
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Old 04-16-2018, 06:30 PM
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Welcome, Jen!

I'm sorry to hear that you relapsed, but it's great that you are here and seeking support. This is a great community!
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Old 04-16-2018, 06:47 PM
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Welcome Jen.
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Old 04-16-2018, 07:28 PM
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Welcome to SR Jen. It s good to have you here.
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Old 04-17-2018, 01:27 AM
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Good morning Jen. Well done you for picking yourself up and going forward on a positive note Complacency is a complete b**ch and can ride on your shoulders when you're least expecting it but by reaching out to the folks at SR when you feel down or alone you have people who are always here for you. Keep in touch - looking forward to hearing about your many great times ahead x
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Old 04-17-2018, 06:37 AM
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Thank you all for the encouraging words!!!! I am on my third day sober after relapse. Do y’all have anxiety and the fear of unknown things. I made a gratitude list. Meditation today and my devotional. Asked God to remove my character defects! I focus on the negative more than the positive by nature. I have so much going for me and it’s scary not trusting yourself. I am so grateful I found this site. Trying to put one foot in front of the other and really enjoy life rather than being overwhelmed
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Old 04-17-2018, 07:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Jen197800 View Post
. Asked God to remove my character defects!
thats a good thing,jen, but i think youre putting the cart before the horse. theres 6 steps before that that should be worked in order.
has your sponsor guided you through the steps before?
maybe it would be wise to go through them again?

you mentioned the obsession earlier? it seems this was well known to occur by the writers of the BB some time ago:
Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.


on this:
Do y’all have anxiety and the fear of unknown things.

today?no.
early on?yes. the steps(and courage) helped with both.
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Old 04-17-2018, 07:34 AM
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Yes. I have worked the steps and was on my second round of working them! We were in step three when I relapsed I know the alcohol has caused more anxiety! I have struggled with anxiety since a little girl.
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Old 04-17-2018, 07:50 AM
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welcome Jen!

I'm glad you're sober today and I thank you for helping ME stay sober.... by contributing your personal story as a reminder of the danger of even 'just one' drink for me.

Thank you.

As for anxiety - I certainly have felt its teeth and also depression. Over four years sober and I still had to deal with it. After trying a lot of other things for years, I did finally try a low-dose SSRI and have found it to be immensely helpful. That said, I did all the other things first; long-term sobriety, therapy, meditation, exercise, lifestyle changes, supplements, blue lights, etc...... in the end I finally accepted that a part of my long term addiction / alcoholism and life is simply that I struggle with anxiety and depression, and it's just as OK to treat that with appropriate medical treatment as it is to treat my chronic heartburn and GERD and Barrett's Esophagus.

Anyway.... at your stage of the game, what helped for me was taking ample self time. exercise. a good therapist. Meditation. Journaling. BEING AS PRESENT AS POSSIBLE and simplifying my life.

Stick around, this is a great community of support and a great family of sober advocates.



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Old 04-17-2018, 09:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Jen197800 View Post
Thank you all for the encouraging words!!!! I am on my third day sober after relapse. Do y’all have anxiety and the fear of unknown things. I made a gratitude list. Meditation today and my devotional. Asked God to remove my character defects! I focus on the negative more than the positive by nature. I have so much going for me and it’s scary not trusting yourself. I am so grateful I found this site. Trying to put one foot in front of the other and really enjoy life rather than being overwhelmed
Absolutely! To me that's what anxiety is...fear of what may be. The reality is that 90+% of what causes anxiety WILL NEVER HAPPEN. It is insane the physical response our minds can cause. I struggle with it all the time
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Old 04-17-2018, 12:52 PM
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Yes!!!!!!! Exactly!!!!!!! Met with my sponsor today and made a noon meeting. I’ve got to overcome fear!!!!!!! It will paralyze you.
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Old 04-17-2018, 01:47 PM
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Hi Jen, I'm so happy you're here. You seem to have a lot of tools at your disposal, and clearly, you were doing a lot right if you were able to stay sober for 1.5 years! I've also faced struggles with anxiety, and it seems counterintuitive, but of course we know that alcohol makes it so much worse.
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Old 04-17-2018, 05:27 PM
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sounds like you're ready to beat this thing once and for all Jen - awesome!

D
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