LoneWolf04

Hey all,

Just checking in.. finding myself struggling big time with this whole new 'world' of sobriety - had some success but coming off a month of relapsing, I finally started attending AA meetings properly, reading the big book.. got a sponsor, but I'm hit with this 'flat' feeling of what to do, asking myself existential questions about life, feeling like a fraud, struggling to see the point of it all, etc.

Could any of you relate? Is this something normal in early recovery?

Thanks so much!

tiffanyeagle

yes yes yes and more yes.
I feel like i'm faking it and forcing it sometimes.
but i keep going to the meetings and hoping things get better. thanks for sharing, you are not alone! feeling awkward about being sober is better for me than the guilt, shame remorse that came with being drunk... i'm trying to keep how horrible i feel when i drink (or after i stop) fresh in my mind.
keep sharing!!!!

entropy1964

For sure. I think maybe this 'existential malaise' you are talking about is part of the reason I drank. It is not because I quit....it was there before. It just comes screaming back when my head is clear.

I'm not sure if its because I'm older and see things differently than in my 30's and 40's but I don't struggle with this as much.

Time. It takes time in recovery to change thinking patterns. And just because I'm 'feeling' something doesn't make it fact.

Gratitude. I cannot stress this enough. I am an American. Middle class. That right there makes me really fricken fortunate. I have learned that being able to ponder the meaning of life means I have too much time on my hands. I need to focus on helping others and stop focusing on ME. Something I'm very good at

Acceptance. Life is happening right now. In this moment. Its not in the past or out in the future. If I'm breathing, have food, clean water and roof over my head? Life is good.

Faith. In a higher power if you accept that, or in the fact that most of the time things work out if I stay sober, honest and grateful. When it doesn't? That's life. And I have to handle it.

I was walking my dog the other day (always meditative for me) and I started thinking about more of my past insanity (I do this fairly often). I can't remember which experience was being recalled but I just had to shake my head. "Wow, I was nuts". Then I have to redirect. I control my thinking. I can look but I don't have to stare.

Hang in there.

tnek97

Those are some great points; thanks for sharing.

tursiops999

I struggled a lot with feeling like a fraud and being unsure of what i was doing, what was the point. I was experimenting with various tools and actions to help me stay sober. In the long run, not all of those tools were right for me, only some were.

It helped me to realize that it was the "real me" who wanted to be free of alcohol -- that part was not fraudulent at all.

It did take awhile for me to sort out what my new sober life looked like. It took some experimenting. The common feature of all my experiments was "no drinking" -- I had to stick to that to get my answers.

J50

I can definitely relate. I think a lot of it was due to anxiety created by quitting. It's amazing how the brain chemicals react when you introduce, or take away, alcohol from your system. It has definitely leveled off for me, but has taken several months. Give it time, and you will feel better!

Leftfield44

Great advice. Thank you.

tomsteve

most definately! years of existing in a bottle, i had no clue who i was, how i was, or what i was.i had no clue about life either.
thats where faith came into play for me. faith in those that came before me. seeing and hearing those people had experienced every promise in the big book gave me faith that it would all occur for me as long as i followed in their footsteps.

We have shown how we got out from under. You say, "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"

Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.

bluedog97

I listened to a recovery podcast night that said if you ever want to know why you drank, quit drinking for a while. I could really relate. Every thought, feeling, existential crises, etc. comes on full-force without the numbing agent to suppress them.

My thoughts and emotions are all over the place too. When it gets to much, it’s a wake up call that my AV is probably trying to chime in. At around 50 days, I think this is normal.

Dee74

I think its pretty common . Sometimes I'm not even sure there's a reason for it - it may just be mind and body healing again after your relapse lonewolf?