Sober 4 months, little to no support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 10
Sober 4 months, little to no support
First, I would like to say thank you to everyone for posting on these forums. I have been sober for over 4 months and being able to find people I can relate to has been a blessing. I'm not sure I could have made it this far without it.
Over a year ago I was diagnosed with advanced cirrhosis and I quit drinking immediately. Unfortunately, my friends and family were all built around one thing - alcohol. My husband is an active heavy drinker as well as all of my friends. Our marriage started and continued with drinking as a major influence on everything we did.
When I was in the hospital the first time, my husband said all the right things and told me he would support me and stop drinking with me. I chose to believe him, but he left the ICU nightly to go to the bar because he was 'so stressed' about me. After I got home, he continued to get extremely drunk every night and it turned into a fight. I was 'not the woman he married' and 'no fun anymore'. I gave in and started drinking occasionally. Things got better for him because he didn't feel guilty about drinking. I was a mess.
The last time I was in the ICU for a life threatening complication of the disease, the cycle repeated again. Same broken promises, same drunken husband every night. However, my resolve to stay sober is SO much stronger this time and I have no doubt I will keep it. For my husband and so-called friends to say 'come on, just have one' or 'you used to be so much more fun' while knowing that it will actually kill me is appalling and enlightening for me at the same time.
Even though I live with and among all this drinking, the one thing that has helped me get through it is knowing I never want to behave the way they do. I never want to get to a point that I would put my own need for a substance over the well-being of my loved ones.
For anyone out there who feels alone, please remember that YOU are your best support. Forget trying to rely on others who don't get it, or worse - don't WANT to get it.
Sorry for rambling. I guess I just needed to put it in writing and out of my system. God bless all.
Over a year ago I was diagnosed with advanced cirrhosis and I quit drinking immediately. Unfortunately, my friends and family were all built around one thing - alcohol. My husband is an active heavy drinker as well as all of my friends. Our marriage started and continued with drinking as a major influence on everything we did.
When I was in the hospital the first time, my husband said all the right things and told me he would support me and stop drinking with me. I chose to believe him, but he left the ICU nightly to go to the bar because he was 'so stressed' about me. After I got home, he continued to get extremely drunk every night and it turned into a fight. I was 'not the woman he married' and 'no fun anymore'. I gave in and started drinking occasionally. Things got better for him because he didn't feel guilty about drinking. I was a mess.
The last time I was in the ICU for a life threatening complication of the disease, the cycle repeated again. Same broken promises, same drunken husband every night. However, my resolve to stay sober is SO much stronger this time and I have no doubt I will keep it. For my husband and so-called friends to say 'come on, just have one' or 'you used to be so much more fun' while knowing that it will actually kill me is appalling and enlightening for me at the same time.
Even though I live with and among all this drinking, the one thing that has helped me get through it is knowing I never want to behave the way they do. I never want to get to a point that I would put my own need for a substance over the well-being of my loved ones.
For anyone out there who feels alone, please remember that YOU are your best support. Forget trying to rely on others who don't get it, or worse - don't WANT to get it.
Sorry for rambling. I guess I just needed to put it in writing and out of my system. God bless all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
So sorry for your illness and your lack of support for your healing. It's got to be tough being around others who continue to drink and goad you into drinking with them. I hope you stay strong and put your health above all else. Shame on them!
EnjoyingTheJourney
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,847
Welcome Hope4serenity, what a lovely name! 
I'm sorry you aren't getting support from you husband. Please continue to take care of YOU. Have you checked out the Family & Friends thread? The great advice and sharing there helped me deal with my husband's continued drinking.
After 30 years of almost daily drinking, I quit for many reasons but chief among them was a continuous dull pain in my liver. Two years in and my blood tests show all clear. My life is also better in so many ways. SR and the good people here saved my life. Glad you are here!
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
I'm sorry you aren't getting support from you husband. Please continue to take care of YOU. Have you checked out the Family & Friends thread? The great advice and sharing there helped me deal with my husband's continued drinking.
After 30 years of almost daily drinking, I quit for many reasons but chief among them was a continuous dull pain in my liver. Two years in and my blood tests show all clear. My life is also better in so many ways. SR and the good people here saved my life. Glad you are here!
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Last edited by bandicoot2; 04-12-2018 at 07:08 AM. Reason: Added family/friends link
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Sorry to hear about having such a horrible illness. I would really use this as a wakeup call to never touch the bottle again. It is just human nature to reach out to those closest to us for support, but when all of them are abusing alcohol, this would be the last place to go.
I think having a solid support group like AA would be a huge help for you.
I think having a solid support group like AA would be a huge help for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm right there with you (sober 4 months on Tuesday), and in the past I always allowed pressure to sway me. Not even pressure to drink, but to put myself in situations where I "needed" to drink to cope, and putting the feelings of other people before my own well-being. Please continue to post here often, I can imagine how hard it must be to do this on your own, while others are actively trying to sabotage you. Take care, we're here for you. 
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,184
Thank you for sharing that Hope4Serenity. You must absolutely focus on yourself and nothing else. How much "fun" does your husband think you will be if you are not around permanently.
I definitely think that giving AA would be worthwhile as there will be people there who understand your situation. It doesn't suit everyone but most people benefit immensely.
I wish you all the best.
I definitely think that giving AA would be worthwhile as there will be people there who understand your situation. It doesn't suit everyone but most people benefit immensely.
I wish you all the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 10
Thank you so very much for all the kind and uplifting words from everyone! I'm sure all of you are aware of how much this forum really helps, but as a newcomer, it feels like a weight is slowly being lifted. I've even bookmarked several forums to re-read when I need reassurance.
You've all been so kind and I am truly blessed to have found this forum!
You've all been so kind and I am truly blessed to have found this forum!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I'm glad you found us, Hope4serenity! When I decided to quit drinking and had the good fortune to find SR, I was grateful to have so much support. I don't think I could have ever realized at the time just how much this journey would transform my life. Hopefully it do the same for you.
When I decided to quit drinking and had the good fortune to find SR, I was grateful to have so much support. I don't think I could have ever realized at the time just how much this journey would transform my life. Hopefully it do the same for you.
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