Hechosedrugs

8 o'clock is when I sing. I give my kids my phone so they can call their dad. I close their bedroom door. I go into my room and close my door. I sit up on my bed and hold a pillow over my head, covering both ears. I sing as loud as I can. When they're done talking, my kids come join me. They cover their ears with pillows, too. And it's all in good fun for them. They think the pillows are there to help them sing better. Like Mariah Carey, when she puts her hands to her ears. What they don't know is this is my survival mechanism. I can't bear to hear what he tells them. I can't take him telling them "This is all Mommy's fault", "Just you wait and see, you'll be living with me soon", etc. Last time I heard their conversation it was so upsetting I grabbed the phone. Interfering with a phone call. Violation of court order. Sure, he was violating the court order in a major way by saying these things, but still, I can't risk getting myself in trouble.

The kids still have no idea what's going on. I'd be violating the court order by telling them. So they have my side of the story: Dad has some things he has to work on. And his: This is all Mommy's fault. She lied and it will all be revealed soon.

He doesn't play by the rules, but I've learned that doesn't matter.

God, help us please.

hopeful4

Oh my friend, my heart hurts for you.

Forgive me if you have said, but what do you do for YOU? Are you in counseling? I say this because this sounds very PTSD like, and there are things you can do to help you through that. Go to a shelter if need be, most of them will supply free counseling to you for the abuse you and your children have experienced.

I send you huge hugs and support.

BlownOne

Children are far more perceptive than we give them credit for. I would wager that as much as I'm sure they love their father, they can tell that there's something very wrong with him. Your love and your time and attention is a stronger witness to them than any of the lies that he may be trying to feed them. Have faith. It's going to be ok. All of it.

hopeful4

I would agree. My XAH still talks about me and my family. Thing is, kids are perceptive enough to look at actions. It did not take long for them to see through his BS.

Hechosedrugs

Thank you guys. I am in counseling, and it's... okay. CR helps so much, especially the step studies. I'm hoping to start another soon.

hopeful4

Oh I agree! CR helped me through some of my darkest days as well!

sixth

Hechosedrugs ? umm, hun I can empathize, not in the "drug" way but just the babies with ME and STAYING with me, way. *hugs*

I got blamed for EVERYTHING and I didn't choose to follow the dadbashing road. Albeit, SO VERY tempting.

You're doing the right things (IMHO)... The babes matter. YOU matter. I totally get what you're going through.

G' Bless. (don't wanna say something inappropriate) but