Staying silent
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Ha ha - Hearthealth I was just about t reply to your post but it looks like you erased it!
I would have asked you to say a few more things about what's gotten you in a rabbit hole?
If it's a negative self-talk issue that sent you down into a dark hole I have had a lot of experience with that. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) helped me get out of that. It is, among other things, a method of examining thoughts & feelings and evaluating their "reality."
I think the workbook we used in my first round of CBT was called "The Feeling Good Handbook." I liked CBT because it was active, not focused overly on where/why I felt what I did but on changing the thinking actively. Regular talk therapy was good for digging at the root causes...
Positive affirmations help me through dark times too, at least they help settle my thinking a little bit.
"I now choose to support myself in loving joyous ways"
"The past is gone. I am free in THIS moment."
The statements "I now choose...." and "I am free..." seem to give me a little wriggle room to take back control of my emotions and situation. I do have choice in this moment about how to feel and what to do, even if it is a baby step towards something larger, or even if it is just a choice towards self-care and doing something nice for myself.
Peace,
B
I would have asked you to say a few more things about what's gotten you in a rabbit hole?
If it's a negative self-talk issue that sent you down into a dark hole I have had a lot of experience with that. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) helped me get out of that. It is, among other things, a method of examining thoughts & feelings and evaluating their "reality."
I think the workbook we used in my first round of CBT was called "The Feeling Good Handbook." I liked CBT because it was active, not focused overly on where/why I felt what I did but on changing the thinking actively. Regular talk therapy was good for digging at the root causes...
Positive affirmations help me through dark times too, at least they help settle my thinking a little bit.
"I now choose to support myself in loving joyous ways"
"The past is gone. I am free in THIS moment."
The statements "I now choose...." and "I am free..." seem to give me a little wriggle room to take back control of my emotions and situation. I do have choice in this moment about how to feel and what to do, even if it is a baby step towards something larger, or even if it is just a choice towards self-care and doing something nice for myself.
Peace,
B
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by Bernadette
Positive affirmations help me through dark times too, at least they help settle my thinking a little bit.
"I now choose to support myself in loving joyous ways"
"The past is gone. I am free in THIS moment."
"I now choose to support myself in loving joyous ways"
"The past is gone. I am free in THIS moment."
https://www.amazon.com/Love-Yourself.../dp/B0086BX8UE
I have it in .pdf form which I can email you & you can read on your computer or smart phone - I know your situation doesn't allow you a lot of time to gather tools like this or leave them lying around for your husband to see. PM me anytime.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I looked up the book FS recommended, and here is the link to the PDF for anyone interested: https://archonmatrix.com/wp-content/...ant-Yasser.pdf
Thanks, FireSprite!
Thanks, FireSprite!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by honeypig 
I looked up the book FS recommended, and here is the link to the PDF for anyone interested: https://archonmatrix.com/wp-content/...ant-Yasser.pdf
Thanks, FireSprite!
Thanks, FireSprite!
Last time I checked the link was no good so I didn't even TRY.
Lesson learned!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by honeypig
I looked up the book FS recommended, and here is the link to the PDF for anyone interested: https://archonmatrix.com/wp-content/...ant-Yasser.pdf
Thanks, FireSprite!
Thanks, FireSprite!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by honeypig
I looked up the book FS recommended, and here is the link to the PDF for anyone interested: https://archonmatrix.com/wp-content/...ant-Yasser.pdf
Thanks, FireSprite!
Thanks, FireSprite!
Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by hearthealth
Thank you for the responses and link. The OP was different but I'll expand my thinking more here.
I'm tired of asking "What's your problem?" I'm tired of the house revolving around his mood. I'm tired if him giving me no sign of a relationship for my benefit. It truly a relationship at his convenience.
Why can't I leave? I have done numerous missteps that have put me farther in the rabbit hole. I know one day it will be better but then it becomes **** again. My life is fading away and I only have myself to blame this time. He's sober but I'm just as miserable. I can no longer see his personality through the prism of a beer bottle. I have no life except the children and the work I do. I try hard at work. Lately my daily line is, "Have you loved enough today?" It came about due to a dream I had. It's clear that I really don't matter. Me sharing anything will always be dismissed, minimized, abandoned. I just would rather go seek a corner and stay to myself.
I'm tired of asking "What's your problem?" I'm tired of the house revolving around his mood. I'm tired if him giving me no sign of a relationship for my benefit. It truly a relationship at his convenience.
Why can't I leave? I have done numerous missteps that have put me farther in the rabbit hole. I know one day it will be better but then it becomes **** again. My life is fading away and I only have myself to blame this time. He's sober but I'm just as miserable. I can no longer see his personality through the prism of a beer bottle. I have no life except the children and the work I do. I try hard at work. Lately my daily line is, "Have you loved enough today?" It came about due to a dream I had. It's clear that I really don't matter. Me sharing anything will always be dismissed, minimized, abandoned. I just would rather go seek a corner and stay to myself.
(Just an FYI, my ah is obviously still drinking)
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I too only have my work and children (no friends here since moving last July) and I'm tired of it. It gets depressing. It's been a long journey for me and I'm not quite there yet, but I see myself in my own place with the kids - getting lonely I think will be easier I think when I'm actually "alone". I get angry at times and sad too. I can't comment on how your mind and feelings differ when the husband is recovering. I do know, selfishly or maybe not, that I don't want to live that life. I don't know what else to say except instead of seeking a corner, could you seek an open field / canvas full of new opportunities?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
HH - if you could have anything in the world that you wanted without regard to your husband or job or kids, what would it be?
Maybe changing your focus away from the things that are "lacking" & coming up with personal goals & dreams can help motivate the change you desire? Get WILD - the sky is the limit in defining your wants & dreams. (although, admittedly, this was very difficult for me in early recovery & is still a challenge sometimes)
Look - we have ALL made missteps that have kept us looping around the same cycles in our journeys so don't get down on yourself for being human....
I think working on your self-talk & self-esteem is a critical first step & I think a lot of your discomfort is coming from the fact that you ARE working on this & realizing YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Maybe changing your focus away from the things that are "lacking" & coming up with personal goals & dreams can help motivate the change you desire? Get WILD - the sky is the limit in defining your wants & dreams. (although, admittedly, this was very difficult for me in early recovery & is still a challenge sometimes)
Look - we have ALL made missteps that have kept us looping around the same cycles in our journeys so don't get down on yourself for being human....
I think working on your self-talk & self-esteem is a critical first step & I think a lot of your discomfort is coming from the fact that you ARE working on this & realizing YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
hearthealth, I feel really sad that you keep deleting your comments.
You have every right to feel what you are feeling. You have every right to talk about those feelings, even if it's just venting.
You are valid, what you have to say about what you are feeling is valid.
You don't have to talk to us ( I do wish you would) but please talk to somebody.
*Big Hugs*
You have every right to feel what you are feeling. You have every right to talk about those feelings, even if it's just venting.
You are valid, what you have to say about what you are feeling is valid.
You don't have to talk to us ( I do wish you would) but please talk to somebody.
*Big Hugs*
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
hearthealth.....you caused me to think of this...and, so I dedicate the following to you.......
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...D054&FORM=VIRE
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...D054&FORM=VIRE
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
HH
I hope you come back and talk. It's really a process - a very painful at times - but with each step forward and a half step "back" some things stick even if slowly. It's also learning about yourself and your needs and wants. (FYI - I'm not claiming to be an expert - just sharing how it has been for me )
I hope you come back and talk. It's really a process - a very painful at times - but with each step forward and a half step "back" some things stick even if slowly. It's also learning about yourself and your needs and wants. (FYI - I'm not claiming to be an expert - just sharing how it has been for me )
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
