TrapezeFreak

My wife and I have been separated for 2 years and we need to get this divorce in the works. However, she is my number one trigger and there are times when I still get a lot of false hope about getting back together. I still love her despite her infidelity. I am away from my kids because of this and she finds it easy to put all the blame on me and my drinking. We have no money to split up and I just want this done but she is not willing to work with me at all. I am really scared that she may cause me to fall off yet again. She has this power over me and I'm alone and depressed. I pray a lot but I am very scared at the moment and feel like I am living in some kind of alternate reality.

Berrybean

Sorry times are tough TF.

Are you still going to AA? If so, could you get your sponsor to help you work through some of this stuff? Might be useful. A lot of our fears and resentments grow out of all proportion when left with free reign of our heads. Voicing them to a sponsor or trusted AA friends tends to prune them back some.

BB

entropy1964

I'm sorry you are going through this. Uncertainty sucks and causes a lot of anxiety.

But, with all due respect, she cannot cause you to fall off again. That is your choice. Life, and yes divorce, will always be there. Truly. Drinking over it will not help. Drinking at her will not help. And if drinking is the reason things are where they are, it is completely illogical. Not that logic is any part of addiction....addiction is insanity.

So you must take action for yourself. Get help from others who have been where you are. Here, in AA, counseling. Whatever it takes.

If you don't have an attorney, get one. If you guys have no money get a mediator and do it that way. Much cheaper, easier and faster. At minimum you should be able to have visitation with your kids, unless there is some legal reason you can't.

Take it one step at a time. Drinking will solve nothing and only make her more 'right' than she may already be.

LadyBug66

Hang in there. You listed a lot of bad things happening right now. Don't add getting drunk to the list. If you drink you will get more depressed. I'm not great with words but know that you have a lot of friends here that are willing to talk and listen. They have helped me through some very dark moments.

Nonsensical

Is it possible for you to not be alone? Be around other people if you can.
What is preventing you from taking it back?

TrapezeFreak

I need to get back to AA. I am currently doing an IOP 3 nights a week and my sponsor and I recently parted ways. It's true I have very few outlets and like no friends left. I need someone because when I am left alone which I am often my mind goes to dark dark places.

TrapezeFreak

Drinking is not the sole reason for this but obviously it was a factor. I am looking into mediators because I can't afford a lawyer right now. There are no legal reasons for me not to see my kids but she doesn't trust me with them nor will let me come see them at my house which I pay for but don't live at. Yes, I am resentful and I know it will get me nowhere but right now this is where I am at.

AnvilheadII

well, i can guarantee you that drinking will not do a thing for the situation and certainly would not shed you in any better light in your wife's eyes!!!

try this on for a concept....
there are no triggers, only excuses

she can't make you drink any more than she can make you fly.

i know this is a tough part, but there are ways through. just stay sober. no matter what.

Berrybean

Well, hopefully you can get to an AA meeting soon and start thinking about getting a new sponsor (if the parting of ways with your old one is def permanent).

I'd suggest getting stuck into your step work as much as possible. When sobriety gets tough we need to up our recovery work.

BB

TrapezeFreak

I just want to say I am aware she cannot make me drink. If I were to drink it would be my decision and my weakness over the situation. Hence why I said I am scared of this. I know I need to stay strong and stay connected.

doggonecarl

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tomsteve

take the power back that you gave to her.
then get back into action of recovery,eh?

Ladysadie

So... let me try and understand the dynamics here... you drink, and she is unfaithful. She has the kids and the house. You want to get back together with her in spite of your all's dynamics. Right?

Quit drinking.

Dee74

Hi Trapeze Freak

I'm sorry for your pain. I identify a lot. I used alcohol to try and numb my pain too. Never worked.

I stopped using other people as an excuse to drink - I had to or I'd still be drinking.

Noone else has the power to make me drink, but me, no matter what the provocation.

Drinking won't make things any easier - it will make things harder and may even impact on your divorce and custody rights for the kids. Stay sober - for yourself.

This is a hard time, but better times are ahead. Be fully prepared for whatever good things are coming your way

D