Finally escaped, but in a panic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Mid-Atlantic East Coast, USA
Posts: 14
Finally escaped, but in a panic
After yet another phone call to the PD, I finally left my home. My AH displays all the traits everyone else's from the boards does. Distespectful to me, angry, wants to drive his truc while drunk, instigates arguements when drinking that lead to complaints from neighbors and pushing and shoving matches. So, after 4 years of broken promises and back pedaling I just decided I had enough.
My own anxieties had prevented me from leaving many times. Because of panic disorder, I followed the status quo, attemped to live my life separate from his, but ultimately realizing that was not possible. No matter how much I compromised, he took more advantage of the rules he agreed to live by while drinking.
It was not until I realized I was becomming just as angry and abusive as he is that I just cleaned out the apartment we shared with his freeloading brother, giving away most of my possessions and took off to my elderly parent's home 700 miles away.
I don't know why I am in such a panic, sitting in a motel room halfway between the chance to create a new life, or returning home to no life. He made me quit my job, kept me from the few family members who lived nearby, and kept us scraping for money to pay bills that were supposed to be split by 3 people's income.
I can't say that my heart is broken, because I knew where the marriage was headed. I guess it is just fear of starting over at 55 that is keeping me from the sleep I desperately need in order to drive the rest of the way. All I need to decide is, which direction do I travel, forward or back.
My own anxieties had prevented me from leaving many times. Because of panic disorder, I followed the status quo, attemped to live my life separate from his, but ultimately realizing that was not possible. No matter how much I compromised, he took more advantage of the rules he agreed to live by while drinking.
It was not until I realized I was becomming just as angry and abusive as he is that I just cleaned out the apartment we shared with his freeloading brother, giving away most of my possessions and took off to my elderly parent's home 700 miles away.
I don't know why I am in such a panic, sitting in a motel room halfway between the chance to create a new life, or returning home to no life. He made me quit my job, kept me from the few family members who lived nearby, and kept us scraping for money to pay bills that were supposed to be split by 3 people's income.
I can't say that my heart is broken, because I knew where the marriage was headed. I guess it is just fear of starting over at 55 that is keeping me from the sleep I desperately need in order to drive the rest of the way. All I need to decide is, which direction do I travel, forward or back.
Reality...what a concept!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
You are on an amazing journey and your courage and strength is admirable! Change can be terrifying, but it sounds like you really need to trudge through the fear, in an endless quest for freedom and eventually, happiness. Don't give up, don't go back, no regrets. Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
I would probably be shaking had I been through all of that... no wonder you cannot sleep. I think you are doing the right thing! Maybe you cannot envision the future at this point in the journey. But I believe with your strength - you will be able to create a whole new world of freedom, peace, and joy. One step at a time - or shall we say one mile at a time...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 453
Agree with others...keep going!!
There was a thread a few weeks back “But I’m too old to start over”...I think you can search for it (sorry, I’m uncertain of how to link a thread), it may help to know you are not alone and you have a LOT of life left to be ENJOYED!!
There was a thread a few weeks back “But I’m too old to start over”...I think you can search for it (sorry, I’m uncertain of how to link a thread), it may help to know you are not alone and you have a LOT of life left to be ENJOYED!!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Here is the thread CarryOn is talking about. Hope you find it helpful.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tart-over.html ("But I'm Too Old to Start Over...")
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tart-over.html ("But I'm Too Old to Start Over...")
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello ExMrsLopez, and Welcome to SR!
I can only begin to imagine how much your head must be swimming and your heart pounding right now. I hope that you were at least able to get a bit of sleep last night.
You did a very wise thing to recognize that your living situation was turning you into someone you did not want to be. You did a very brave thing by escaping from abuse. The good news is this: You don't have to make all the decisions right now, this minute!!! You have time to decide for yourself what you would like to do next.
Although my ex-husband did not drink (well, that I witnessed), time and distance from him when he moved out allowed me the breathing room to decide how I wanted to proceed.
I am sorry for the "why's", but I am glad you found us. Breathe and know that you have found people who understand.
I can only begin to imagine how much your head must be swimming and your heart pounding right now. I hope that you were at least able to get a bit of sleep last night.
You did a very wise thing to recognize that your living situation was turning you into someone you did not want to be. You did a very brave thing by escaping from abuse. The good news is this: You don't have to make all the decisions right now, this minute!!! You have time to decide for yourself what you would like to do next.
Although my ex-husband did not drink (well, that I witnessed), time and distance from him when he moved out allowed me the breathing room to decide how I wanted to proceed.
I am sorry for the "why's", but I am glad you found us. Breathe and know that you have found people who understand.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi MrsL. I hope you decided to keep going away from your AH. No future for you there but there is ahead of you. It may seem like failure, but in fact it shows you have enough self-esteem to take action.
You're going to have a reaction to the adrenaline slowing decreasing and the absence of immediate threat. This is completely normal and happens to those who don't have panic disorder so take in easy. You will get through this.
You're going to have a reaction to the adrenaline slowing decreasing and the absence of immediate threat. This is completely normal and happens to those who don't have panic disorder so take in easy. You will get through this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 229
Keep going towards your parents, you can do this. 55 means you still have at least 30 years to do something good with your life and to have joy and peace. You did the right thing. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. you would not want to stay until 65 and wish you had left now and I believe you would. You have done the right thing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 168
Hey Sister!
Take joy! Take peace! Love your own wild and amazing precious self!
Imagine someone you love is an addict driving toward rehab. They panic. They are afraid. They don’t want to give up their drug of choice. What would you tell them? Go forward! You can do this! It will be hard, but joy and peace are on the other side!
You are 55? I am 57! My life is amazing! Since my divorce ten years ago my life has truly begun. I have gone to school, fished in Alaska, made new girlfriends to hang out with, created my own home, refinished my floors, planted a garden, painted, and learned French.
When I was married to an emotionally abusive control freak it was all about him. ALL ABOUT HIM!!
Keep going. Go forward. Just keep swimming. If it helps you, just do it “for now.” Go to your parents and stay for one week. See how you feel. Check in here often. Call a domestic abuse hotline for ideas.
Sister, you are a strong, brave, courageous woman. You know what to do. Choose life! Take joy!
Take joy! Take peace! Love your own wild and amazing precious self!
Imagine someone you love is an addict driving toward rehab. They panic. They are afraid. They don’t want to give up their drug of choice. What would you tell them? Go forward! You can do this! It will be hard, but joy and peace are on the other side!
You are 55? I am 57! My life is amazing! Since my divorce ten years ago my life has truly begun. I have gone to school, fished in Alaska, made new girlfriends to hang out with, created my own home, refinished my floors, planted a garden, painted, and learned French.
When I was married to an emotionally abusive control freak it was all about him. ALL ABOUT HIM!!
Keep going. Go forward. Just keep swimming. If it helps you, just do it “for now.” Go to your parents and stay for one week. See how you feel. Check in here often. Call a domestic abuse hotline for ideas.
Sister, you are a strong, brave, courageous woman. You know what to do. Choose life! Take joy!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Forward. Onwards and upwards.
Yes, it's scary starting again at 55. But surely not as scary repeating what your daily life was indefinitely into the future.
Now you have HOPE. And that is a very powerful thing.
BB
Yes, it's scary starting again at 55. But surely not as scary repeating what your daily life was indefinitely into the future.
Now you have HOPE. And that is a very powerful thing.
BB
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
Oh my goodness I am so proud of you! You decided to value yourself enough to step away from the madness. Of course you are terrified. Today celebrate yourself for being amazingly brave even if its through a ton of tears. Commit to have a couple of weeks no contact to rest and recover at your parents house. I promise it will change your life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 30
Please go forward and don't look back..... I'm 34 and i left my AH and reading about all the 50,60,and yes 70 year olds who left gave me strength to leave too.
you should be proud that you reached this point, many women live in misery because of fear and anxiety...... btw i suffer from anxiety and depression too but they got better after i left ( go figure) you will soon find out that his condition has a big influence on yours!
be scared,,, we're all scared! I'm scared all day everyday,,, but guess what? I'm more relieved than i am scared
you should be proud that you reached this point, many women live in misery because of fear and anxiety...... btw i suffer from anxiety and depression too but they got better after i left ( go figure) you will soon find out that his condition has a big influence on yours!
be scared,,, we're all scared! I'm scared all day everyday,,, but guess what? I'm more relieved than i am scared
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